Bad Day

I was sitting on my porch one cold day

and up walked a dog that wanted to play. 

"Dog!"  I said with a might harsh tone

"Go
away old dog! Go find your home." 

Again I yelled, "Go away! Go! Flee!"

But instead of running away with a cry, he
growled at me and gave me the eye.

I got a little scared and I stood right up 'cuz no way I was gonna fight with
that pup.

As soon as I stood he also
rose too and took a great big chunk out of my shoe!

"Oh dear 'ol dog! I
apologize to you!"

But that didn't help, 'cuz he bit my hand too.

Then he growled and bit down on my knee, I
hit him on the head, how stupid of me.

Cuz
just right then he jumped real high and bit with his teeth and pulled out my
eye.

I screamed real loud and fell to
the ground, he jumped right on me and started to chow.

Next he managed for the other eye, I had no
ducts left so I could not cry.

I put a
hand right up to my face to feel what was there in that hollow space.

I felt all around and it was kind of gross,
for I had no eye, just two big holes. 

He didn't like that, so he took my hand too, this time I begged him, "Please
dog, shoo. 

The dog started at my foot
and got up to my thigh, if I only had eyes I sure wanted to cry.

When he got to my waist and then to my
breast, I knew it was over, for I had nothing left.

Only my boobs and the top of my torso, my neck and my head but not
my two eyeballs. 

I still had my brain,
and part of my heart, but not my vagina and the place where I fart.

During my thinking of what I had left, the
dog turned around and started to jet. 

I had one arm left, so up the steps I climbed, I went to the phone first but that
I couldn't find. 

For I had no vision
and was hearing impared too, what in the world was I supposed to do? I fell to the floor, bleeding on my
carpet.  Why for that dog was I an easy
target?

I lay there in pain still
unable to cry, I lay there in blood, I lay there to die. 

Then out of no where came  a body-part
man.  He tried to intrduce himself but I couldn't shake his hand.

He only had one eye for me but
that was okay. I had never in my life
had such a good day.

He had no extra
ear but he did have a plan.  He couldn't
make me a woman, just a one-eyed man.


He explained to me then, that he was out of vaginas, he had no clitoris's
and he had no hymens.

But what he did
have, he had very few.  He had a
cucumber and a bottle of glue.

He gave
me two brooms to replace my legs.  I
tried to walk, but fell on my bed.  I
was oh so happy to have what I did, a cucumber, 2 brooms, and a brand new
hand. 

I thanked that man and sent him
on his way, to help someone else who had a bad day. 

My life has been changed
but I'm not ashamed. People sometimes stare and
they laugh at my pain. 

But that is okay
'cuz I got a new puppy and he is my friend and I don't need nobody.