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Rated: GC · Essay · Satire · #1485092
A satire about politicians and sex scandals. A MUST READ for all patriotic Americans.
Another Modest Proposal
(A less drastic proposal than Jonathan Swift’s)
By R. C. Revere


As a concerned citizen of the United States of America, I herein express my disapproval

and embarrassment to the state of sexual misconduct by elected government

politicians. It is not the purpose of this proposal to bring up this already saturated topic

without offering a legitimate, realistic, and I might say, modest proposal to correct the

situation that has long been relatively ignored by apathetic constituents.


Surely all interested citizens of the United States of America will agree that sex scandals

of elected officials has to come to a halt. Would not a proposal to eliminate this

deplorable condition be useful and honorable to the voters who elected them to office?

The current state of U.S. politics has become intertwined with sex scandals. From

prostitution rings to sexual misconduct to downright sexual harassment. This includes

initiated and uninitiated acts of sexual intercourse, sexual play (without penetration),

groping (touching) and verbal sexual innuendos. What is it that causes this behavior?

How does it effect the work politicians have been elected to do? Governor Spitzer’s

recent scandal stunned the Capital and brought the State of New York’s business to a

halt. And what can concerned citizens do to alleviate this problem, now and in the

future? Obviously, long hours within a demanding environment can create close

interaction. Add to that, the Adoration Complex of young, and sometimes not so young,

impressionable interns, aides and staffers, one can see how sexual encounters would

happen. This demanding close interaction can easily lead to sexual misconduct and

costly cover-ups. Those without proper society driven self-control, fall into a spiral of

power driven sexual affairs and cover-ups leading to an unacceptable amount of time

spent away from their appointed work. This decreases their productivity for the elected

position they have sworn, under oath, to fulfill.


Another advantage of this modest proposal is to prevent any possible situations where

U.S. politicians can be put in compromising positions which would lead to blackmail,

bribery or possibly even death. Who knows the actual count of heavy-handed influence

from within or even outside the country, that has happened from knowledge of sexual

misconduct of a U.S. elected official. The question remains: What extent would a

politician go to protecting their family from the embarrassment of a sex scandal or keep

themselves out of the public eye to avoid question? President Clinton did not resign to

protect his or his family’s image, while Governor Spitzer did under humble apology. For

that he gets a token of appreciation of this concerned citizen.


This modest proposal not only pertains to Congressional, Judicial or Presidential

persons, it goes beyond to include fringe politicians; State Governors, State

Representatives, and City Mayors. It is not my intent to select only the powerful

politicians in Washington D.C., but to include all elected policy decision makers for U.S.

citizens. This proposal also includes clergy, actors, and corporate professionals that

have chosen to enter the political arena.


Having taken much valuable time to contemplate this issue, and having listened to

commentators expounding their virtues without offering a sensible, credible or proof

positive means to eliminate this ever present problem. Is it not the right, no, the

obligation of the common citizen to provide a resolution to this distractive and serious

threat to the governing of the United States of America? Sexual misconduct has been a

serious embedded issue within the actual framework and history of the United States of

America and U.S. politicians. Beginning with the founding Fathers, recorded accounts of

sexual misconduct have occurred. Jefferson – mistresses and alleged illegitimate

children, Franklin – a known ladies man, Harding – mistress, Kennedy-several sexual

encounters, Johnson – mistress, Clinton – several sexual encounters. This list includes

only Presidents, for I do not have the time or space to list all of the Congressional,

Senatorial, State Representatives or Judicial sex scandals over the years.


In these recent times implications involved, Justice Thomas – sexual harassment,

Senator Packwood – groping an aide, President Clinton – several inappropriate sexual

encounters, groping, and lying under oath, Senator Condit – an admitted affair and with

his intern, Chandra Levy (God rest her Soul), Congressman Foley for sexual explicit

emails to an underage page, and now Governor Spitzer’s resignation from office for

involvement with prostitutes.


The political history of the U.S. has been and still is poxed with sex scandals, ranging

from mistresses to illegitimate children, to affairs, to bribery. Such that a sitting

President, William Jefferson Clinton, was impeached for lying under oath regarding a

cover up for having sexual play with a White House intern, Monica Lewinsky. The United

States Government has spent approximately 50 million dollars, tens of thousands of

hours, and several years to result in this action. Could this weaken our country’s

safety? I say yes.


The number of people currently in the United States political system number in the

hundreds of thousands. For purposes of this proposal, I will only enumerate the following

politicians. The number of politicians in Congress numbers 435, Senate 100, Supreme

Court - nine, U.S. District (Federal) Judges – 619, with 15 in the District of Columbia,

and 7 in Puerto Rico, State Governors – 50, and City Mayors 7 million (approximate).


Now, I propose my original and humble thoughts for a remedy addressing the sexual

misconduct by elected United States politicians. I am sure all true citizens will agree. In

a manner that is logical, unemotional and professional, I give you the following modest

proposal:

The surgical sterilization and follow-up with hormone therapy
for all United States Elected Politicians.

This action will eliminate any and all sexual urges, the root cause for our current

embarrassed state of politicians in the United States government. Procedures include

castration and hysterectomy, with the follow-up of anti-androgens hormone therapy

including but not limited to Cyproterone Acetate® or Depo-Provera® which decreases the

sex drive, as convicted sex offenders can attest too.


I humbly propose that government Doctors at government regulated clinics perform the

sterilization procedures. And that it is only right and reasonable that U.S. citizens pay

for these services, and that the cost will overall save overburden tax payers several million

dollars. And because of the recent escalation of sexual misconduct, I propose that these

procedures be enacted immediately by Executive Order from the President of the United

States.


In this proper and calculable step to alleviate sexual misconduct for U.S. politicians, thus

securing our Country and saving millions of dollars, I suggest the following

implementation policy:

Freshman representatives will have a two-year grace period. This will allow them to fulfill

their procreation needs, if desired. This proposal will not then infringe on their protected

and constitutional given right of individual freedom. My intent is not to give preferential

treatment, for in truth, freshman representatives are not established policy decision

makers. Once elected, they are only beginning the indoctrination process into the

political system and are not powerful decision makers until they are well groomed by

seasoned policy makers that have been in office for years.


For those already established in office, they will have the choice to either accept or reject

this proposal. In no way will sterilization be forced upon them. For the very foundation

of our Country deals with the inalienable rights, freedoms and choices given to every

U S. Citizen by our founding Fathers. They may choose to continue representing their

constituents or resign their office. Of course, for Congressional, Judicial and

Presidential offices, upon resignation, they automatically forfeit their established

standard annual salary of $145,100 for Congress and Federal Judges, Supreme Court

$161,000 and The President $400,000 who also retains 75% of said salary for life. This

of course includes their separate expense accounts of several tens of thousands payable

by U. S. Citizens. It is only right and honorable that, if they choose to resign, they forfeit

all government pensions accept for the choice of obtaining the modest health care

provided by the United States government to it's citizens (Medicare/Medicaid) for which

most representatives do not currently participate.


It might be argued that women, being the usual recipient of unwanted sexual harassment,

be left out of this proposal. Unfortunately, this is poor reasoning. Firstly, women are


becoming more and more powerful and influential in U.S. politics like: Ms. Rice, Ms.

Albright, Ms. Clinton which we all know is campaigning for President, and therefore can

possibly be put in a position of previously stated situations or time consuming legal

prosecution. Secondly, it has been shown by science that women can have just as

strong sexual drive as men. Thus creating possible sexual intimidation to male

subordinates leading to costly litigation. And finally, women have worked very diligently

for equal rights and equal treatment, and that it is only fair and just that they are not

discriminated against in this matter.


The ultimate goal of this modest proposal is to allow U.S. politicians to focus and

concentrate on the appointed work: daily management of the Unites States government,

Judicial proceedings, National Security, State government and City business for the

American citizens that elected them to office, and to represent their constituents

best interests, and that government business be conducted without the underlying

current of sexual misconduct that leads to time consuming and embarrassing sex

scandals.


Hours upon hours of wasted time has been spent on interviews to respond, clarify, and

address allegations or actual misconduct. This would literally put an end to damage

control and the time involved by staffers. Imagine how many hours our public servants

will save by not involving themselves in sexual orientated scandals. This modest

proposal will allow elected officials to fully concentrate their efforts to fulfill their elected

duties with no sexual distractions or deviations, creating a focused and fair representation

for their constituents.


To be realistic, there is a downside to this thought out modest proposal. The vast media

empires will have to find other ways to fill the many hours that have been devoted to

following, reporting, and interviewing scandalous U.S. politicians. Especially the 24-hour

networks, and specialty forums designed for political pulpits. It is estimate that in the

past ten years at least 15%, if not more, of media programming has been devoted to

political sex scandals.


Some radio talk show hosts devote entire programs, day after day, revolving around the

most current damaging sex scandal, sexual allegations, or sexual misconduct by sitting

incumbents, even after they have left office. Several political analysts and field

correspondents will have to either change careers or melt back into the media mix. And

not to leave out an entire sub-set of media like tabloid television, magazines and

newspapers, where will they go? I dare not say.


People of power attract attention of all types; this is a given fact. Those bestowed with

charisma attract people from all represented demographics of our society. This includes

socialites, business tycoons, business professionals, actors and educators. This is not

stated to provide an excuse for sexual misconduct, but to elaborate on dynamics.

I digress, to further implement this modest proposal, let me address the field of fringe

politicians consisting of District or Federal Judges, Governors and city Mayors. A true

and loyal adviser has boldly stated the case to disallow Mayors in this proposal. Stating

that even though they too are elected officials, and have sexual misconduct while in

office, their main concern is city business that does not involve the high level of influential

governing practices like that on a Federal level. Stated as such, I will accept this

premise and will not include city Mayors in this modest proposal.


In as much as mayoral politicians are now disavowed from this modest proposal, it is

obvious one can see how Federal Judges and State Governors be included. For they

have obvious influence as to decisions on laws governing constituents, United States law,

state governing policies, and even death. Can one imagine the outcomes if just one of

these influential people fall under the practice of blackmail or extortion to avoid a sex

scandal, and how it would effect even the most basic governing policies within the United

States of America?


I ask, can anyone doubt the sincerity of this proposal? I have painstakingly laid out the

most embarrassing subject of U. S. sex scandals with no other purpose than to preserve

the integrity of our “…Republic, for which it stands, one Nation, under God, indivisible,

with liberty and justice for all.” This is not an idle, nor even a visionary proposal. It is a

humble and justifiable plan to help maintain the thriving, industrious, secure and

accountable governing system that our founders fathers instilled in America. Further, this

proposal helps to eliminate any possibility of extorted influence on U.S. politicians, or

distractions to our National Security.


If anyone should have any doubts regarding this modest proposal I request for them to

boldly come forth and state their case, with merits, to voting constituents. With this

thought, I submit to the citizens of the United States of America, this humble and modest

proposal.




R. C. Revere written 15 August 2001 in regards to President Clinton’s impeachment
Copyright 2008 ©

(Amended on Oct. 21, 2006 regarding Congressman Foley scandal, and March 15, 2008 for Governor Spitzer’s resignation)

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