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by Rags
Rated: E · Other · Comedy · #1503798
My life from today forward.
At the age of 32, Regan began her first novel, "How to Lose 10 Pounds in Three Years", a comedic glimpse into her life as a single mother. In fact, she shed close to 40 pounds while writing the book, balancing work and home with penning the novel. Astonishingly, a large publishing company snatched the book up soon after Regan completed it in 2009. It soared up the New York Times bestseller list, sitting at the #1 spot for six weeks. This allowed the author to quit her fulltime job brown-nosing in corporate legal and concentrate on her writing -- and on being a mom.

The following summer, Regan purchased an RV and packed up her son (and mother) and embarked on a three-month excursion across the United States. She wrote articles for several magazines, including a breathtaking piece on Olympia National Park in Washington State that was picked up by the Associated Press and published in hundreds of newspapers' Sunday travel sections.

That fall, when her son went back to school, Regan began work on her second novel. Her unique encounters on her trip across America were the basis for this novel, entitled "Cubicle Dwellers Beware". It was during the promotion of this second book that Regan met her future husband, Australian comedy writer James "Liam" Van der Maar. They eloped in Las Vegas shortly after Regan's first novel won the Nobel Prize for literature and settled in Miami, Florida.

The union was a match made in comedic heaven -- one that produced two children (Liesel and Dash, who joined Regan's son Zane), four novels, six plays and the introduction of their widely popular joint newspaper column in the Miami Herald. Unfortunately, the marriage didn't survive the struggle for laughs, and Regan and Liam divorced. As many devoted readers began to mourn the loss of a favorite writing duo, they soon realized the fun had only just begun.

Although Liam was granted custody of the Herald column in the divorce settlement, Regan began penning a competing column, contradicting everything Liam wrote. The award-winning "Dueling Divorcees" pitted women against men and quickly became a hit in Miami - and was soon syndicated in newspapers nationwide.

It was a series in this column that won the couple a National Press Club Award for Humor in 2015. Their increasingly heated exchange over Arnold Schwarzenegger's bid for presidency, as well as Sylvester Stallone's gubernatorial run in Florida, ignited newspapers around the country. Many analysts felt Regan's stance against testerone-pumped-people-in-power helped deter the former Mr. Universe from winning the ultimate title -- President of the United States.

The happily unmarried couple resides in Miami (although on opposite ends) and enjoys their public arguing far too much. Regan spends her spare time lounging with her children by her pool, road tripping in her Winnebago, and playing with her pit bull, Scottie.

UPDATE: At the ripe old age of 90, Liam fell getting out of his Jacuzzi. He immediately called Regan, his true soulmate, who rushed over to laugh at him. After dialing 911, Regan tripped over Liam's wet flailing body and collapsed. They both expired at 1:35 p.m., apparently with broken necks.
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