Brain Works 1

I wake up in the morning with a sense of uncertainty. I dont know If ill maintain the state im living in,plummet to the ground or rise to the happiness of like i always dreamed for. I never dedicated my self to anything. I had many hopes,dreams and ideas but never any motivation. Have you ever felt destined for something great but decided not to get out of bed? Thats me to a point. I find lack of discipline and low expectations have always been the easy route. But being 23 and recently married (oh yea and expecting a baby) I am starting to panic about if i can break this habit of nothingness. I live day by day with a gloomy outlook with the rare exception of euphoria sometimes. I have so much love in me and a willingness to try new things. Thats all i do is try , i do not go any further. As i write this i wonder if there will ever be the story i want to tell about my life. Its weird and evil but also great and heavenly (if that makes sense). I have so many story's to tell in no paticular order. I have so much shame but also knowledge gained.So many good old times and also regrets. Is said everyone has a million stories to tell. Well, I would like to tell mine. I am disturbed, and being disturbed its hard to walk down the street like a normal person. I think im doing well ,I havent gotten called  out yet. Every desicion I make goes a different way, it sucks. How can a brain be wired like mine? Do other people share my thoughts? Ill just have to wait and find out.