A Walk In the Woods

No words can describe the sadness that had encapsulated me for the past 3 months. The depression, the loneliness bearing down on me, crushing me into a little pile on the floor. The holiday season didn’t help – everyone bustling around in a Chrstmas bliss only accentuated how terrible I felt. How would I ever get through two days trying to pretend to be happy? Then spend another week painting on a happy face while the celebrations continued. How would I do it? I didn’t have an answer.



December 24, Christmas Eve morning. I woke to a gorgeous xmas snowfall. Big fat flakes falling slowly to the ground. I knew as soon as I saw it, I had to be in it. I needed to walk in the stillness of a forest, surrounded by beautiful, still trees. To hear the stillness, feel the peacefulness of nature sleeping. Maybe if I could be in that place for a little while today, and talk to God in such a sacred place, maybe I could get through the holidays.



So after quickly shoveling the first six inches off my driveway, I headed out in my car to Leroy Oakes forest preserve. But it wasn’t right – it wasn’t what I envisioned. It wasn’t a forest at all. It was a prairie, nice but not what I wanted. Plus the snow was so deep I couldn’t take a walk in this. SO got back in my car.



I headed out toward the Prairie Path – I’d walked there before in summer, fall, and even in winter. One winter a deer crossed my path about 20 feet ahead of me-  . he just appeared magically without a sound, out of no where that day, I froze in my tracks that day, afraid I’d spook him and he’d run off. He looked at me and continued on his way. That was the kind of miracle I was in need of today.



As I approached the little parking  area by the prarie path, I realized that the snow was way too deep. I’d surely get stuck if I tried to drive through it. So I continued on. Now, 45 minutes into my quest for a peaceful walk in the woods, some nice quiet time to clear my head and talk to God and I was encountering silly obstacles.



I was getting mad. “Come on God, help me out here! I’m trying to have a peaceful day. I need to talk to you. I need to find an answer – something that’s going to get me through these holidays! What the hell are you trying to tell me??”



Fine. I’m not giving up, I said to myself. I drive all day if I have to. I continued on, heading closer to home. Recalling the little park a few blocks from my house in the downtown area, I decided that would be my next stop. Island Park – it’s a beautiful park in the summer. I love it. It’s right next to the river, lots of little ducks, etc. But it it’s not a forest. It’s a park. It’s in the middle of town, with traffic and pollution and noise. NOT the same thing. But it was all I could think of at this point.



I approached the parking lot which was clear, fortunately. I noticed that someone had snow plowed some of the snow, so there was a reasonable walking path to the park. Good, at least I can get through the snow, I thought.



I walked down the hill toward the river, and as I turned the corner under the bridge I looked up to see the most beautiful picture postcard Christmas scene. Snow falling on the bridge, the big oak trees, the little ducks. Immediately, I began to cry, no bawl. I was bawling. “it’s perfect” I cried through my tears. I walked over the foot bridge past the little ducks, through the snow all the way to the shelter in the middle of the park. I stood on one side of the shelter for a while just staring at the snow and the trees. It was so still, and snowflakes were so fat that as they hit the ground they actually made a crunching sound, kindof like the snap crackle pop of Rice Krispies.



I stared out one side for awhile, then stared out the other side for a while. Then it hit me. Here’s what God was trying to tell me. Trust me. I will give you what you need when you need it. It might not be what you’re expecting, and it might be exactly what you want, but it will be what you need. And it’ll come at the right time, and it’ll be closer than you think.