6 Things Wrong With The Internet

6 Things That Are Wrong With The Internet

1.          It’s full of out-dated crap. And no I don’t mean Rick fucking Astley. I mean the rubbish that has been there for the last 10 years. Jesus Christ does no one ever clean up a hard disk any more. I would like to think that it is just because storage has become so plentiful and cheap that it is not a problem, but in reality it is because there are as many lazy bastards masquerading as server administrators as there are pages that were out of date a week after they were first put up.

2.          Blogs. How have we gotten to the stage that a journalist, who has trained for years and has his stories and facts checked by more lawyers than you could fit into an industrial mincing machine (their deserved habitat), is portrayed as the anti-Christ but any fuckwit can write a blog and have it regarded as more factual than natural selection? Blogs on the whole are pointless ramblings, penned by someone too insecure to leave the house and come into contact with another human being who might point out that his ‘facts’ are about as believable as the story he will tell you about the orgy he attended the previous evening.

3.          Big man syndrome. Have you ever came across someone so holier-than-thou as a message board moderator? Doubtful. These people would give Dick Cheney a run for his (or should that be taxpayers) money. Supposedly started as a place for a free and interesting debate they have slowly progressed to the stage where if you dare question the subject they are promoting you will be threatened with a fate worse than death – the ban! After the 142nd time your wife/child/milkman has told you to “Fuck off, no one cares about you” your only option left is to start your own message board so you can make the world pay for how badly it has treated you.

4.          The homophobic racist majority. Try saying something to someone on the internet that might be perceived as a little out of whack with their thoughts. Go on, I dare you. I guarantee that you will be called a “stupid gay nigger”. Now I am not sure how many stupid gay niggers there are in the world, there’s probably a website for them somewhere, but I am sure that if you walked out into your street and called someone that you would, if you were lucky, be arrested. If you were unlucky you would be beaten to a state where you resembled scrambled eggs. And do you know what, you would fucking deserve it.

5.          YouTube. “What?” I hear you say. “It’s fucking brilliant, how many times I have laughed at a video on it, we would be lost without it” you continue. Think about it, how many times have you actually laughed at a video you have seen there? Less than 10 almost certainly. Now how many times have you seen a video that was generally interesting, gave you some information of value and entertained you? Not a lot is it? Of course if you miss your favourite sporting even or television program a video website would be an excellent idea to be able to catch up, wouldn’t it? But oh no, that would be illegal, meanwhile here’s another video of 2 teenagers getting ready to go out for the night.

6.          It’s a myth. Yes, that’s right, the internet is a myth. Ok so he’s totally lost his fucking mind you are now thinking. But wait. Hear me out. What is the internet? Aha! Well it’s a huge global network giving us all the ability to see information on everything and communicate in a ways never before possible. Is it? Is it fuck. Yes that’s part of it but it’s only a small one. On the whole it’s a porn infested hovel full of the sort of scum you wouldn’t just cross the street to avoid but would invent a jet-pack, build it and fly off into the wide blue yonder before they got a chance to cross over and speak to you. And less than 25% of the world have access to it. That’s right, only 1 in 4 people!! And as for those ways of being able to communicate with people that we never thought possible; what happened to actually talking?