This story was written on GameFAQs from July 1 to July 11, 2009
We're all playing spin the bottle tonight. He always likes eavesdropping like a pervert, but we're gonna get him good tonight. First, lemme introduce you to my friends (we're all 14): Nicole, the hottest of us all, Tara (who's bi curious), and Samantha, who's the group nerd. Nicole was the first person to spin the bottle. She got Samantha. We all laughed because Sammy has never even kissed a boy! They leaned in and made out, they even used their tongues! I admit I got a little...turned on by it...Sammy was the next to spin the bottle, and to my surprise, she got me! I was breathless...I've always admired her smartness, but now I was feeling a little attracted to her too. She looked awfully pretty in that dimmed bedroom light. We leaned in close and had the most amazing kiss ever. "That was hot Jenny, I didn't know you liked girls like that," Tara said, somewhat seductively. "I didn't know," I said, embarassed.
"No prob, maybe we could do it again," whispered Sammy, sounding a little confused. I was confused too. She looked gorgeous and she was just wearing this little nightgown. I was tempted to pull it off and gaze on her...I snapped out of it. "Nah, my brother is still here. What if he walks in on us?" Tara giggled at me. "It's alright. Just go tell him to go to the store and get us that soda he promised earlier." Remembering that, I got up and approached the door. So I opened the door and my brother came falling in, just as planned. "Joey? What were you doing there?!" I yelled, as if I hadn't heard his heavy breathing outside the door or something. "Uh, I was going to tell you that I'm going to the store..." Joey said. "No way, you were leaning on the door!" Sammy yelled. She looked so beautiful when she was angry. Still pretending to be ignorant of the situation, I said "Were you eavesdropping on us?" "Uh, what's the right answer..." Joey said. Sammy walked over and shut the door. "The right answer is yes," she growled in an arousing voice, "now you're going to help us out..." I clenched my claws with anticipation! I decided I should get to have some fun too, so I put on my lipstick and the other girls did too. We forced Joey down and I spun the bottle. Of course, it landed on him. Joey's a bit older than me but I always thought he was cute. I felt awfully nervous about having to kiss him, but I leaned in close anyway... He leaned in, and I could almost feel his lips. Then it happened. Sammy and Tara moved, quick as lightning, leaping into the air. Both of them extended their serrated toe claws and tried to eviscerate Joey on the spot, but he dodged fast and they collided with the wall. Nicole took her raptor form and lunged just as I did, but we smashed into each other as Joey darted for the door. The chase was on!
My brother slammed the door, but we were faster. Sammy smashed straight through it and we raced down the stairs. Right as we arrived, my brother's friend Toby waltzed in. Nicole lunged on top of him and ate him...and not in the sexual way. Tara leaped into the air, but I was pained to see Joey, who acquired our dad's shotgun, blast her apart. Then Joey raced past us and ran out into the garage. As we tried to break into the garage, we heard movement in the kitchen. Joey had climbed back into the house to retrieve his car keys. We raced upstairs but Nicole got caught in the gunfire. Joey lept out the window and into the car. Sammy tried to leap onto the hood of the car, but he rammed her. I watched in terror as her broken body went flying. Enraged, I ran over just as our parents pulled up to the house. Not needing more distractions, I tore them apart. Just then, an attractive young girl, our neighbor Christine, jumped into the car with Joey. I jumped onto the back of the car in time to see Joey turn around and shoot me with a shotgun. Wounded, I fell out into the street. As they drove off, I head a huge crashing noise. A massive T. Rex appeared and approached me. I threw my hands up and prepared for death, when the Rex suddenly shapeshifted into an attractive girl. "I'm Carly, and I think you need to come with me," she said.
"Alright, so you're one of them?" Carly asked. "One of who?" I replied, confused and somewhat turned on by this lovely young lady. "You're a human and a velociraptor?" "Oh, well yeah," I said. "Listen, we have a mission to do. Will you join me?" I couldn't stop staring at her voluptious..."Will you?" "Oh yeah, definitely!" I exclaimed. She transformed back into a T. Rex and I hopped on her back. "Where are we going?" I asked. "Los Angeles." "Wait, Los Angeles? How are we going to get there?" I asked. Carly speaks, her voice sounding like a series of roars to anyone who isn't a dinosaur. "We'll turn into our human forms and fly a plane there. Let's go to the airport." As we walked along, I noticed another T. Rex pursuing my brother and his friends through Washington D.C. "Forget about them. Come on, we better transform back into humans." We did so and then walked into the airport lounge, where hundreds of people were frantically hurrying onto airplanes.
We boarded an airplane in our human guises. As we flew across the country we heard news reports of chaos breaking out in major cities: other dinosaur-humans were transforming and causing chaos. I fell asleep as we flew on Carly's shoulder. Her hair smelled lovely...Soon we were jolted awake as the plane hit turbulence. We looked out the window and saw another plane. Our plane jerked upwards and smashed across the other plane. We saw pterodactyls swarming around the other plane as it hurtled in the direction of Washington DC. Our own plane was spinning wildly. The pilot was dead at the wheel, or whatever you fly a plane with, and everyone was panicking. Suddenly, a guy ran up to us. "My name's Bobby, and I'm a pterodactyl, come on!" Without thinking, we both held on to him as he jumped out of the gaping hole in the plane and transformed into a pterodactyl as we fell. He flew us safely down to the ground. "Where are we?" I asked. Carly glanced around. "Vegas, I'd say. And most people here don't seem to know what's happening. Everyone's still partying!"
"Let's go to one of those strip clubs!" Carly said in a seductive voice. Bobby heartily agreed and I silently agreed too. We went into a club where many people were dancing and some chicks were stripping. Somehow Carly negotiated her way onto a pole and started dancing. Bobby and I were mesmerized. Her curves turned me on so much. I was officially bi curious. Suddenly someone screamed "Dinosaurs are attacking Washington DC and Los Angeles! EVERYONE RUN!" Everyone fell silent. "Did CNN confirm it?" asked one person. "Only TMZ is confirming it right now," added someone else. Everyone went back to dancing. While everyone was dancing, Bobby and I continued to be transfixed by Carly's lovely striptease onstage. But it was again interrupted by someone screaming about dinosaurs invading big cities. The room fell silent again when the man broke the news: "CNN confirmed it!" Suddenly the room erupted into chaos, with hundreds of people stampeding toward the door. In the chaos, Bobby, Carly and I snuck out the backdoor into the back alley. We could hear roars in the distance. "Should we kill all these people?" I asked, hungry for more human flesh. "No. We need to get to Los Angeles. Then we can have all the tasty humans we want," Carly answered.
We walked out into the streets of Vegas, which were filled with people running and screaming. Finally, we saw a spinosaurus wandering down the road, snapping its jaws at random people. "I hate spinosauruses," Carly growled, then suddenly transformed into her T. Rex form and stomped toward the fellow carnivore. Carly snapped her jaws around the spinosaurus's neck, then twisted, bringing it down to the ground. Then she stepped on top of it and bent down, tearing away at its neck. She had killed it in just a few seconds flat. "You still haven't told me why we're even going to Los Angeles," I asked as the streets emptied of people. "You'll find out in due time," Carly told me as she transformed back into her ravishing female form. Bobby transformed back into a pterodactyl and we flew on his back over the vast desert between us and Los Angeles. Eventually Bobby stopped to rest. As we slept, I woke up in the middle of the night and heard Carly whispering something into a phone. "Yes, I have the package," she said.
I lay there wondering what she meant. The package? What is the package? I fell back asleep not knowing. The next morning, Carly looked at me sadly. "Our leader has been taken," she said bluntly. "Who? Who's our leader?" "Obama," she said, "your brother, and Samuel L. Jackson, and Raptor Jesus took him down." "Joey!" I growled in a Seinfeld-esque voice. "So what do we do now?" Bobby asked. "Well, there's good news. Your sister Maria got rid of Joey, and Obama managed to take down Samuel L. Jackson before he died. So there's only one person left." She got up. "We must destroy Raptor Jesus." "Is that why we're going to Los Angeles?" I asked. "No, we were going to Los Angeles to find something that could've protected Obama. But that's all pointless now. We need to track down Raptor Jesus and finish him. Conveniently, Raptor Jesus also lives in LA, specifically Bel-Air. We must break into his mansion and destroy him." Over the next few hours Bobby flew us over the desert until we finally reached Los Angeles. "Yo homes, to Bel-Air!" I shouted. We arrived at the mansion where Raptor Jesus allegedly lived. "Once we eliminate the dinosaur messiah, we can conquer the human race," Carly said. I wanted to say "You sound so hot when you talk about reptilian world domination," but I didn't. Bobby knocked on the door disguised as a repairman. "Uh, yeah, we got a call that you need your plumbling fixed?" Raptor Jesus scratched his head. "No, I don't. But thanks for stopping by." Bobby walked back over to us. "Bobby you idiot! You were supposed to shoot him with this stun dart!" Carly snapped. "I guess it's time for plan B."
As night fell, we launched ropes over the top of the house and climbed onto the roof. We sliced a hole in the skylight and dropped into a bathroom on the upper level. We crept down the hallway, making sure our feet didn't echo in the cavernous mansion. Suddenly, Bobby tripped, making a loud crashing noise as his flashlight smashed on the floor. Everyone froze as we heard movement in one of the rooms. We sighed with relief when we realized it was just a person snoring. We snuck up to the door and opened it. We approached; I slowly transformed into my raptor form and prepared to claw...and ripped away the blanket to reveal a raptor-shaped dummy with a recorder playing snoring noises. "Oh, cra--" Bobby started to say when Raptor Jesus suddenly appeared in the doorway. "So, you thought you could kill me just like you killed all the others, did you?" Raptor Jesus growled, blinking his reptilian eyes. We all stared at each other in awkward silence. Suddenly, Raptor Jesus lunged forward. Bobby ducked, and Raptor Jesus went flying over the bed and into the wall. We ran out into the hallway, as the bedroom was too confined, and raced down into the foyer. Raptor Jesus lept over the banister and down to the foyer, cutting us off. Carly started transforming into her T. Rex form, but the ceiling was too low and her head crashed through into the next floor, getting her stuck. Raptor Jesus started clawing at her ankles, but I dashed at him and knocked him away.
Raptor Jesus jumped up and ran to his car, a sleek Ferrari, and drove off. "Quick! We can't let him get away!" yelled Carly, her voice muffled because her head was stuck in the ceiling. She shrank down to human form and we all jumped in our van. The van wasn't fast enough to catch the Ferrari, so we ditched it and stole some person's Lamborghini; it was Bel-Air after all. We drove off down the road in pursuit of Raptor Jesus when we nearly collided with another car at an intersection. As we caught our breath Raptor Jesus sped off down the road into the main city of Los Angeles. Raptor Jesus in his Ferrari sped down the streets, racing past people who were more confused at a car chase occuring than the fact that a velociraptor was behind the wheel. Bobby randomly acquired an assault rifle from the backseat and started firing on the Ferrari, but Raptor Jesus was unscathed. He nearly rammed another car and ended up veering over the median into oncoming traffic. We hesitantly followed him onto the other lane, avoiding cars as they wildly avoided crashing into us. Suddenly, we heard police sirens. "Maybe the police can help us catch Raptor Jesus," Bobby said, firing another round of assault rifle bullets into the back of his Ferrari. One of the bullets pierced a back tire and the car went spinning out into the next lane. An oncoming truck smashed straight through the front of the car, blasting the airbags up into Raptor Jesus's face. The car spun around in circles, finally launching Raptor Jesus, who was not wearing his seatbelt like a naughty boy, clear over the front of the car and onto the median, blood soaking one of his legs.
We pulled over at the median to see what happened. Raptor Jesus was laying immobile on the ground. Three police officers jumped out and pointed their weapons at us and then the dinosaur on the ground. Everyone waited. One officer moved closer. "Is that Omar Epps?" asked the officer. "No, I think it's Raptor Jesus, the dinosaur ally of the humans," said another officer. Raptor Jesus got to his feet. "Officers, these people are dinosaurs who want to kill humans. Arrest them!" The officers turned to us. Carly started to transform but the officers fired strange darts at us that blocked our transforming powers. Then we blacked out.
We woke up in a jail cell. I tried to transform but couldn't, instead making some kind of constipated looking face as I attempted it. The guard laughed. "We disabled your transforming powers, we're waiting for orders on what to do with you. Your dinosaur friends caused us a lot of trouble, but scientists would love to do some research on how you guys can do that in the first place." I thought for a moment. "Uh, evolution?" The guard laughed again. "Evolution is fake bro." "But I'm a girl." "Can you prove that?" he snapped. So I did the only thing I could: I pulled my pants down and proved it. "Vehry niyce" the guard said in a Borat voice. Now that the guard was aware of my womanliness, I turned to the incapacitated Carly and Bobby. Dirty thoughts of doing things to Carly in her unconsciousness passed through my head. "Hey guard, if you let me free, I'll do something special to you," I purred. The guard looked around nervously. "Uh, sure...I haven't gotten any in months." The guard opened the cell and I walked out, then proceeded to knock the guard upside the head and steal his keys. Bobby woke up. "I thought you said you'd do something special to him?" he asked. "I lied, I'm a woman," I said bluntly.I quickly pulled my pants up, then left the jail with Bobby and Carly in tow. "So what now? We find Raptor Jesus again?" I asked. Carly shook her head. "He could be halfway to Madagascar by now." "But what if they've shut down everything?" asked Bobby. "Nope. Raptor Jesus is on good terms with the President of Madagascar. They'd give him asylum there." "Wait, how do you know he's even going there?" I asked. "I found an emergency protocol in his room," Carly explained, "that said if he came under attack he should flee to Madagascar." "Alright then, let's go get him!" I said.
"How exactly are we going to get to Madagascar? They're shutting down everything to avoid the dinosaurs," I asked. "It's simple. We fly to Africa, then take a boat to Madagascar." We went to the airport for the second time in a day. As we were passing through the check-in, a guard recognized us from the terrorist watchlist we'd been placed on as a result of our escapades. We raced past him and boarded the plane. I transformed and held my claws at the pilot's throat. "Take us to Africa, now!" I roared. The plane took off as the police and guards watched in shock. As we flew, I kept my claws held at the pilot's neck. The rest of the plane was silent. Soon we arrived in Africa. As we departed the plane, a group of police officers arrived. "You're all under arrest for terrorism. Get down on the ground." However, these officers hadn't heard of the dinosaur invasion in the US and weren't armed with the special guns. Carly transformed and ripped them to shreds. We ran out into the concourse and jumped in some guy's van and drove off. "How are we planning on finding a boat to Madagascar?" Bobby asked. Conveniently, some family drove by with a boat towed behind them. Carly transformed, threw the van through the air, and then attached the boat to our van. Then we drove off to the beach. "Alright then. We're on the southern tip of Africa. Madagascar is miles away. Can we really take a little consumer-owned speedboat that far?" Bobby asked. "Of course we can! Anything is possible!" I yelled. We hopped in our dinky little boat and sped off over the high seas for Madagascar. One hour later we were stranded in the middle of the ocean. "Correction: not everything is possible," I mumbled. Suddenly, we noticed a cruise ship moving by, pursued by some Somalian pirates. "That's it! We'll jack the ship!" Moments later, we joined the crew of the pirates...wearing eyepatches, peglegs, and 17th century clothing. "Ahoy mateys! We be seeing you fellows taking this here vessel!" Carly announced.
The pirates stared at us and babbled something in Somalian. "Aye, these land lubbers be speaking a tongue I aint heard in all me lives," Carly muttered. The pirates grabbed their AK47s and we grabbed our swords and daggers and we all climbed aboard the ship. The captain started to scream when he saw the Somalians but just stared when he saw us. "Aye, look at this laddie be frightened silent at the sight of us!" I laughed. Then the crew rushed the deck. The pirates and crew battled while we took the bridge. "I will commandeering this ship in the name of the dinosaurs," I said in my best Johnny Depp drawl. Then we took off for Madagascar with our Somalian pirate army in tow. Bobby came up to me. "I think we needa teach these land lubbers what being a pirate be all about," he said.
As the cruise ship approached Madagascar, we taught the Somalians how to act like real pirates. "First, if any of ye passengers be given ye lip, tell em to walk the plank," Bobby said. "But we don't have a plank on this cruise," one of the hostage passengers said. Carly proceeded to throw him overboard. "That scoundrel be a thorn in me side, arrr," she said. I thought her violence towards the passenger was quite attractive, but I said nothing. Suddenly, one of the Somalians yelled "I see la...I mean, land ho, arrr!" We ran to the side and saw it: Madagascar. Suddenly, missiles fired out of some bunker towards our ship. "They be firing their arms, captain!" I yelled to Carly. The missiles smashed straight into the cruise ship. "Aye laddies! This may be the end of us!" Bobby yelled. That song from Titanic started playing as the ship sank into the ocean. Carly fell into the water. "No Carly! I won't let you freeze to death!" I screamed. Carly just stared at me. "We're in the southern Pacific ocean, not the northern Atlantic ocean," she said. I was embarassed at my romantic outburst. We swam to the shore of Madagascar. "Raptor Jesus is probably in President Madagascar's villa here," Bobby said, pointing to a location on our map, which was not wet for some reason. We started trekking into the jungle, armed only with our pirate swords and muskets.
We approached the villa where Raptor Jesus was allegedly located. "Great. We have to break into another house, except this one is much more heavily guarded," Bobby grumbled. "Who cares? I'm a ****ing T. Rex," Carly snapped. Carly transformed, then crept as quietly as a several thousand pound T. Rex could towards the villa. A guard noticed her but never got a chance to scream before she ate him. I transformed into my raptor form and approached the villa front door. I opened it carefully with my raptor claws and entered the house. Bobby followed me inside, still in his human form (a pterodactly wouldn't be much use indoors). Carly waited outside to stand guard. I crept up to the upper level and out onto the back deck. President Madagascar was smoking a cigarette. I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around. "A man in Brazil just sneezed," I said. "Nice try, but we already shut down ev...wait, who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?" I proceeded to punch him in the face. Suddenly, Raptor Jesus appeared. "I'm impressed you tracked me all the way here," he said, "but your journey ends here. If you dinosaurs won't coexist peacefully with humans, I'll have to destroy you." I noticed Carly and Bobby in their human forms sneaking up on him. I noticed a weapon on President Madagascar. It was one of the dart guns that disabled our dinosaur powers.
Raptor Jesus approached me threateningly. Suddenly, I lunged for the dart gun. Raptor Jesus lunged too. We collided and blood was everywhere. Raptor Jesus tore a gash across my stomach and I fell to the ground bleeding badly. He walked toward me, clicking his big toe claw on the ground. Suddenly Bobby, in pterodactly form, came soaring down and rammed Raptor Jesus away from me. I struggled to my feet as Raptor Jesus lept into the air and grabbed his wings, bringing him down to the ground. Then I watched in terror as the dinosaurian savior tore Bobby apart. "Noooooooooo" Carly and I both yelled. Then I reached for the dart gun in President Madagascar's pocket, feeling a burning sensation from my wound. I grabbed the dart gun and hid it as Raptor Jesus approached me. Then I stumbled to my feet. Raptor Jesus menacingly stalked towards me. "You might have eliminated everyone else, but your attempt to subjugate the humans ends now," he growled. Then he jumped at me. Right as I whipped the dart gun out, President Madagascar stood up. I fired it and shot him right in the face. Boils and blisters broke out all over his face, and then he dropped dead, foaming at the mouth. I was stupified for a moment, allowing Raptor Jesus to tackle me to the edge of the villa, overlooking a cliff. I saw Carly struggling to transform in the dense, crowded woods. Raptor Jesus swung his claw back and brought it down swiftly. Suddenly, I whipped the dart gun out and fired it right into his neck. He staggered away and started violently convulsing. Then, Carly finally managed to transform, smashing away the trees and snapping Raptor Jesus up in her giant T. Rex jaws. She then hurled him over the side of the cliff into the ocean far below. We watched for several minutes and he never came up, having drowned while having his seizure.
The two of us went back to Florida to rest and relax. As we sat on our little chairs overlooking our private stretch of beach, I admired Carly's lovely bikini, and how much skin it showed...Carly smiled at me. "You know, nobody's around. I have a special way of relaxing that I think you might enjoy." My face got red at the thought she discovered my secret crush. She grabbed the suntan lotion and started rubbing it on my stomach sensually. She grinned at me and leaned in closer...and then the sand in front of us exploded violently. A large mechanical exosuit was walking out of the ocean; it had fired a missile into the sand. Then I saw the person piloting the suit...it was none other than Joey! "How are you alive? I thought you got blended?" I exclaimed. "What, you thought that trippy ending was canon? Of course not. Maria and I had wild sex all night while you were off getting your ass kicked. But now I'm going to finish the job." Carly and I lept to our feet.
Carly transformed into her T. Rex form and tackled Joey's exosuit, but he activated his electrocuted claws and shocked her. I took my raptor form and lept into the air, landing on the front of the exosuit. I started clawing at the glass, trying to reach Joey inside. Suddenly, the entire suit became electrofied, and I was jolted off. Joey activated an energy whip between the suit's claws and started lashing Carly while I lay wounded on the ground. Then he fired a missile at me, which I barely dodged; the ensuing explosion catapulted me through the air. I landed behind the suit. Joey turned the suit around to see where I was, allowing Carly to leap to her feet. Right as she was going to claw him in the back, a mechanical tail whipped out from the back of the suit and smacked her away. "There's got to be some way to beat this punk," I thought to myself. Then an idea came to me. I jumped onto Carly's back and we both ran towards the exosuit. He launched his whip out to try and whack Carly, but as it extended I lept off and landed on top of the suit, standing on the small panel that electrocuted the rest of the suit. Joey couldn't reach me or electrofy me from my vantage point.
I smashed my hand straight down through the panel and found a bundle of wires. I started ripping them out and tearing them apart. The exosuit staggered around as red lights flashed at the controls. Finally, the suit toppled over and I was nearly crushed underneath. I climbed out and saw Joey banging on the glass, apparently locked inside. Carly smashed it open and we stared at him. He started stammering. "So uh, how about that incest thing? We never got to make out, remember?" Carly turned back into a human. "I'll let you handle him," she said sweetly. Then I finally got the chance to eat my brother. And not in a sexual way.
Carly and I went back into our little villa on the beach to clean up. We took seperate showers. While I was in the shower I thought about our adventure and my seemingly unrequited feelings for Carly. I got out, dried off, and put a towel on because my clothes had disappeared. I stepped out into Carly's bedroom to see if she knew where I left them. To my surprise Carly was laying on the bed, still soaking wet, and completely naked. "Are you looking for your clothes? Well I'm looking for a towel. Let's trade," she giggled. My face went beet red. I came over and gave her my towel. She threw it aside and pinned me down on the bed. Then, without further ado, she made out with me. It was amazing. Even better than the kiss with Samantha at the beginning of the story. We kissed for what seemed like forever...and then we did something else that we can't discuss here.
But the next morning we woke up together with the knowledge that we had successfully defeated Raptor Jesus and my pedo brother Joey, and more importanty, I finally got that hot lesbian sex. Then the doorbell rang. I answered it to find my older sister Maria, the one who allegedly blended Joey but actually had sex with him, standing there in a bikini. She smiled seductively. "Did I miss anything?"