Falling Apart

Everyday gets harder. Every night is colder than the night before. I feel myself gong deeper and deeper inside myself, closing off all ways of any emotion getting through. I have taught myself to not feel anything. No sorrow, no pain, no love. My mind does all the work.



On the outside people see the fake me. They do not see the pain and the hurt. They do not see the tears, the sadness, and the anger. This is killing me slowly and painfully. Holding all my pain, my problems on the inside, keeping them close and hidden.



Every once in a while, a wound opens back up, and everything that I have been holding inside, everything that I have been hiding inside, appears and becomes seen. All those emotions pour out like a broken dam. An out of control hurricane of emotions takes over and damages all the false progress my mind has made me believe was true



I become unstable all over again. I have no choice but to start over and try to pick up the broken pieces of a world I created, a fantasy coughed up by me, a boy who just wants to have a “normal “life. I have been waiting on the good side of life to show it’s self to me, but all I have been having regular visits from is the bad side.



I try and build on whatever sanity I have left, but my reality has been altered. My mind makes me believe that everything will be okay, but in the end I know my fate. My hidden emotions, my fantasy world, my false hope, all of these things are starting to crumble. The hold I have on my hidden emotions are slowly being uncovered. My fantasy world is starting to break and crumble, because reality is starting to take over. It is shattering the walls of my world I have created. Seeping in, through the holes and cuts of my once stable perfect world



The false hope I have held onto is slowly fading away, and now I am holding onto nothing. I try to control it, I try to make it stable, make it back into the perfect nothing it was, but I am loosing control. I am loosing control of my world, my sanity, my life.



So I sit back and watch my use to be perfect world become destroyed right before my eyes. I am pulled back into the reality of real life.



I am hit with the sorrows the pain of the real world. I am punched with the fact that everything in life is not all smiles and hugs. I am stabbed with the thought that not everyone in life is going to be your friend.



So I close my eyes and sink into the darkest part of my mind, take one more breath of false air and open my eyes to the real cruel world that I have been born into.