Star Warts

              There is a new threat to the Republic: boredom.
              The evil plot to enslave the people has been replaced
              with complacency. Can anyone think of anything to do?


      Luke texted his report from his cell phone. An old man places his hand
  on luke's shoulder and sits at the bar beside him. "Obi-Wan!" Luke turns
  excitedly hugging his old Jedi Master. "Luke. I hope you are keeping up
  with your studies?" Obi-Wan gestures to Lukes' drink and asks for the same.
  "Well, I am a Jedi. But, I jog and practice light sabers with Leia." Luke took
  a sip of his Manhattan. "Leia? I thought she would marry Hans Solo?" Obi-Wan
  sipped the drink placed before him.

      "They did get married. But,  Leia has strong feelings for me. I guess the force
  screwed her up." Luke chuckled and swallowed his drink. Obi-Wan sighed,
  "I warned you. The dark side will cloud your judgement. You should not have taken
  this path Luke.."  "Were in love. What could be dark about that?"
  Luke finishes his glass and asked for another. "Well, if it isn't my two friends!"
  Hans Solo slapped Lukes back and Obi-Wan on the shoulder.
  Luke smiled at Hans. "Are you well?" Obi-Wan looked sadly at Hans.

      "Of course! I have a great merchandising web-site! I'm richer than Jaba!"
  Hans sits down and asks for a Guinness. A centuar woman trots into the bar.
  "Hey! No horses in my bar!" the bartender shouted.. .. Solo grabs the
  bartender thrusting them nose to nose, "Hey! Buddy that's my girl friend!"
  "I-I apologize. Wht's her flavour?" the bartender stutters as Hans lets him go.
  "Milk. Thank you." the centaur woman answers and trots up next to Hans.
  Luke supresses laughter, "What's---(giggle)---your lady's name?" Obi-Wan
  shakes his head and looks into his drink. "Julie. Her name is Julie. And she's
  got a hell of a kick!" Hans replied with a toothy smile.

      "Hans. Cross species relations are very dangerous; not to mention illegal
  in some quadrants." C-3PO stepped briskly up behind Luke. "Oh? I see you
  kept the tin can." Hans raised his glass to the driod. "He came with Leia."
  Luke smiled back. "Yeah. Reallll close family." Hans smiled. "Luke and Hans
  what has become of you? Do you have any ambitions beyound your selfgratification?"
  Obi-Wan pleaded. "Lighten up. Would-yah?" Hans finished his beer and asked for
  a Manhattan. "So, ah Julie; how did you meet Hans?" Luke stared up at the
  centaur's long face. "His huvercraft broke down. I gave him a ride." she swallowed
  all her milk and asked for a refill. Hans kissed her face. Julie's tail smacked C-3PO
  in the head. "Oh! Exscuse me." C-3PO moved quickly away from the horse's tail.
 
      "Watch out for her kick!" Hans laughed. "She does have a nice smile." Obi-Wan
  patted Julie's saddle. "Hans bought me this grey sweater." Julie put out her arms
  to show off the pattern. "Yes. It's lovely." Obi-Wan smiled looking up at her.
  "Most centaurs don't like clothing: too constricting." C-3PO interupted. Hans glared.
  "B-but, it is does look very comfortable." C-3PO moved behind Obi-Wan.
  "A Welsh weave." Obi-Wan smiled and smoked his pipe. .. . Luke leaned over to
  Hans and whispered, "Your not really riding her?" "Listen kid. Like I said she's got
  a hell of kick." Hans took a long drink; "I love Manhattan!" "Yes. This planet is
  very quant." Obi-Wan ate some peanuts from the bowl infront of him. "Brrrr-Beeep!"
  C-3PO looked down at R2-D2, "What are you jibbering about R2? Oh, my.
  Master---Luke?"

        "Yesh?" Luke was feeling drunk.. . "R2- - He believe we are in danger."
  C-3PO was stuttering. "Dahnger? This is a type 1 civilization. They cahn't
  (hick-up)- can't be dangerous." "But, Master Luke. The Emperor is here!"
  C-3PO waved his hands in the air. "The Emperor is dead." Luke looked sideways
  at his droid. "Yes. And no. The Emperor can live on in willing followers." Obi-Wan
  closed his eyes; "I can sense his web growing amongst these simple people."
  "I'm on vacation!" Hans shouted. "Don't upset yourself." Julie licked the left side
  Hans face. "Kiss! Don't lick!" Hans shouted. "Look, Obi-Wan we can't start fighting
  emperialism here. They're not even part of the Republic!" Hans leaned across Luke
  and shouted at Obi-Wan. "A Jedi can not fight a war. The Jedis are teachers. They
  can only act when the force allows them. Luke you must warn these primitives."
  Obi-Wan spoke directly to Luke and he took Luke's drink away.

      Luke sat up, "Hey! Bartender!" The bartender walked nervously over to Luke.
  "The Emperor is here. You must be vigilent and be free." Luke was serious.
  "Ah.. Yes, sir." the bartender stepped back. "What is your name?" Obi-Wan asked.
  "Muzzy." the bartender answered and poured more peanuts in Obi-Wan's bowl.
  "Muzzy. In a galaxy far far away, I and my friends fought a terrible war to free
  ourelves from the Emperor. He was killed, but his spirit can live on in evil men.
  I sence his presence here on your world. You must believe me and fight this
  evil empire." Obi-Wan pleaded with the bartender. "I will." Muzzy knodded slowly
  and walked out to the kitchen. "The crazies are in town for the Star Wars convention."
  Muzzy laughed with two waitresses and the cook. One of the waitresses took
  a long look at Julie, "I don't remember any horse people in the movie."
  "She kind of reminds me of that donkey in Shrek." Muzzy smirked. The kitchen
  filled with laughter. Muzzy walked solomly back to the costumed customers,
  "Refills?" Obi-Wan raised his glass.


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