Snowy and the Dwarves

SNOWY AND THE DWARVES

One upon a time there was a beautiful queen who lived in beautiful castle and she had a beautiful stepdaughter named Snowy. Now the queen, as I said, was very beautiful but she had two small flaws. One flaw was that she was very conceited and the other flaw was that she was very evil, only she didn’t know it. That’s the way flaws go.

Snowy, as I said, was a very beautiful young lass and she also had a very cheerful disposition. She was always singing and dancing and she would demonstrate her joy at the drop of a hat.

One day the queen eyed up Snowy, and she thought to herself, “This young lady looks better than me and I ain’t gettin' any younger, so I’m gonna have to get rid of her.” With that in mind she said, “Snowy, come here. Who do you think is better looking—you or me?”

“Why you, of course, Queen Mommy,” she answered cheerfully, “and you will always remain beautiful no matter how old you get.” That pretty well sealed the deal in the queen’s mind! Snowy had to go.

The very next day the queen called for Snowy.

“What is it Queen Mommy?” giggled Snowy. “I already told you how beautiful you are, so is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Yes, Snowy, there is. There can’t be two gorgeous dames in this castle. There is only room for one, and seeing that I have it over on you, being the queen and all, you’re gonna have to go. So pack your suitcase right now and am-scray. The woods are to the left, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

“Okay, Queen Mom, dear. I’m outta here. Maybe I’ll catch you later.”

“Yeah, when pigs fly,” thought the evil queen.

So Snowy packed her duds and took a stage left, dancing and singing as she traveled through the woods. The day wore on and Snowy was getting tired from dancing and singing so much. Just when she was ready to do the last pas-de-deux and an aberesque she came upon a small cottage nestled comfortable in a clearing in the woods. “Oh,” she said, “Thank heaven. What a wonderful sight to behold! My feet are killing me, and my voice is getting a little hoarse too.”

Inside the cottage sat three little dwarves around a table. They were eating cold bologna sandwiches for supper. Their names were Dipsy, Gumpy, and Hippy. “What’s new?” asked Gumpy to Hippy and Dipsy.

“Same old, same old,” they both replied in unison.

Just then they heard a gentle knock on the door. “Who could that be at this hour of the night?” asked Gumpy.

“I don’t know,” answered Hippy.

So after much haggling, the dwarves finally made up their minds to answer the door.

It was a wonderful surprise. There in the doorway stood a beautiful smiling young maiden. She looked down upon the three dwarves and said, “My, what precious little men you are. You are simply too, too adorable for words.” Where upon she broke into a song and started into a gay little ditty, “Don’t Bother to Chop Any Wood, Mother—Father’s Coming Home With a Load.” At the sound of her voice birds started to sing, and deer, bears, and other cute little bunny rabbits formed a circle and danced round and round. It was a sight to behold.

“This looks like a good omen for us,” said Gumpy. “Welcome, welcome, and come right in my dear.” Snowy happily pranced in and upon looking at the food on the table she said, “Oh my! Is that all you three little guys have to eat? Let me fix you a real supper to fill your little tum-tummies.” With that, she tripped into the kitchen and before you could say “Jack Robinson” she had made a meal fit for a king.

After the meal was eaten, and the dishes washed and stacked neatly away, Snowy said, “Why don’t we sing and dance?” The dwarves looked amazed. They had never thought of doing anything after supper, but to just go to bed. However, at Snowy’s suggestion, they sang and danced the night away (that is, until nine thirty).

Snowy suddenly stopped singing. “What’s wrong, Snowy?” Gumpy asked.

“Well, it’s like this. My step mom, the evil queen, kicked me out of the castle because she said I was getting too pretty to suit her. I can’t help it. It’s in my genes. But, anyway, I don’t have any place to go tonight unless . . . .”

“Say no more!” shouted the three dwarves in unison.

“Stay here with us. We know it ain’t a castle, but it’s home to us, and it can be home to you too. How about it, Snowy?” asked Gumpy.

“I’m so happy,” said Snowy. “Now I have a place to stay and three little dwarves to take care of. You made my day.” With that she broke into a heart-wrenching rendition of “Rum, by Gum.” And then she said, “Good night, you sweet little darlings. I’ll see you in the morning.”

The next morning, after a hearty breakfast, the three dwarves took off to their coal mine. Why they did this was never brought up. The weather was always pleasant and there was no apparent need for coal. There were mountains of the black stuff all over the place, but they still kept digging for more. But in all practical terms, what else was there for three little dwarves to do? It sure beat joining up with a circus sideshow.

That night when the dwarves were heading home they heard Snowy singing. What a delightful air it was, too. “Who Put the Turtle in Aunt Myrtle’s Girdle”, she gently sang. How nice it was to be greeted by such a happy lass. Snowy stood at the doorway and as the three of them approached to enter, she said “Oh no, no, no, you can’t come into our cottage all black and sooty from working all day. Here’s some clean duds that I washed, starched, and ironed. Go take a nice bath outside and change your clothes.” Gumpy tried to push past her, but a quick kick from her dainty foot in his groin changed his mind. She laughed happily and said, “You know that’s a ‘no-no’. We must always obey the rules of the house.”

“What rules?” thought Gumpy.

After recouping from his initial discomfort he decided a bath would settle things down a little. He was starting to get a little peevish about being pushed around by Snowy, but he thought to himself, “You can’t beat the grub around here. Two square meals plus a hot lunch ain’t hard to take.” So Gumpy refused to become grumpy about the incident.

After supper was over, and Snowy had washed and put away the dishes, she said, “Come on guys. Let’s sing and dance.” Hippy got out his guitar and after a few strums of “What Happened to Mommy When Daddy Went Astray?” Snowy, Gumpy, and Dipsy did the Virginia Reel. The evening was filled with fun and laughter.

After all the gaiety Snowy said, “Well, I guess it’s time to hit the hay. Five o’clock comes around pretty early. Good night you sweet darlings, I’ll see you in the morning.” Gumpy was not too happy about having to “hit the hay,” but a punch in the ribs from her dainty little white hand convinced him that Snowy was right. It was definitely time to hit the sack after all.

Time passed happily for one and all. Snowy, not being sloth, took over the cottage completely. She re-hatched the roof, white washed the cottage inside and out, repainted the furniture, and wove rugs for the floor. The place shined. Everything was neat and pretty. Her motto was “A place for everything and everything in its place.” The dwarves learned her motto too.

Every night there was singing and dancing, dancing and singing. Now, were the three dwarves happy about this arrangement? As time wore on Gumpy said to Dipsy and Hippy on the way to the mine, “I don’t know about you two, but this singing and dancing, the two hot meals plus lunch, the clean house and all, is getting kind of old. My feet are killing me, I’m losing sleep, and I’m getting a potbelly from all that food. I don’t think you are happy about it either. What say you?

Dipsy nodded his head and answered shyly, that he, too, didn’t find the situation as great as he once thought it was. “And by the way,” said Dipsy, “Have you noticed how Snowy is constantly singing? And how about that ‘Whistle While You Work’ routine she gets into? How much cleaning up around here is there really to do? This ain’t the Biltmore Mansion, you know! It’s just a four room cottage.”

And Hippy also admitted to the fact that his strumming arm was beginning to ache.

“Well, that settles it,” said Gumpy. “Time to give Snowy the hook.”

The last haunting refrain of “Ninety Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall” was wafting through the air when the three dwarves entered the cottage. “Well boys,” Snowy smiled happily, “you’re home a little early tonight. Now go outside and take your baths. I have some clean clothes for you.”

“Oh no,” said Gumpy. “No more baths, no more hot food, and last but not least, no more of that stomping and caterwauling all night. Enough is enough already. We’re leaving. We’re going to the evil queen’s and asking for asylum.”

“Oh, how you do carry on,” said Snowy. “Now do what you’re told.”

But the three dwarves would have none of it and they left poor Snowy alone. They headed for the castle. Snowy just laughed, and dancing around the kitchen she said aloud, “Boys will be boys. They’ll probably be back in the morning.” Days went by, but Snowy being the eternal optimist, said to herself, “I’ll probably see them tomorrow.”

One day as Snowy was picking blackberries while singing a doleful air “My Mother Sat on a Barstool While Father Flew the Coop,” a handsome young prince, by chance, was passing through and heard her gentle song. He followed the sound of the lyrics and finally beheld the lovely Snowy. Their eyes met and it was love at first sight. Snowy danced and sang, sang and danced. The prince gently lifted her onto his white steed and as the horse pranced proudly out of sight with the lovers on his back you could hear another song coming forth from Snowy’s lovely lips. It was a beautiful impassioned love song. “Nettie’s Knitting Nighties for the Navy.”

And they lived happily ever after?