never would have thought...

We had never hung out together alone before, so when Ethan told me that his brother was sick and our two other friends both had plans for the weekend, I assumed that it meant that we weren't go to the beach after all.  Disappointed, I worked out early in the morning that day and then slouched around in my favorite pajamas until noon, when there was a knock on my door.  It was Ethan, arriving right when we had originally planned for him to. 

After giving me a once over, he laughed nervously.  "Oh, you're not dressed?  Did I get the time wrong?" 

I shook my head furiously, and literally ran into my bedroom, stripping quickly and throwing on a bathing suit.  I threw my pre-packed messenger bag over one shoulder, intensely happy that I was a slob and hadn't yet unpacked it.  Breathing heavily, I returned back to Ethan, who was still standing nervously in my doorway.  I ran up to him and gave him a big hug, which he returned after a moment of surprise. 

"Hi," I murmured, and then pulled back, smiling.  "Sorry, I thought you'd want to reschedule the beach for another day when there would be more of us.  I thought you canceled on me." 

His face turned incredulous.  "No!  Of course not.  There can never be too much of going to the beach."

I nodded in agreement, smiling, and ran into the living room to give my grandma a kiss on the cheek.  "I'll  be home late, Grandma.  I'll call you when I'm on the way home.  Love you!"

She nodded, and murmured an "I love you" in return, eyes glued to the television.  I shook my head adoringly and ran out the door, skidding to a halt at Ethan's car and carefully opening his near-ancient car door, plopping into the seat and shutting it gently behind me.  I grinned at Ethan, who'd been watching me the whole time, a smile playing on his lips. 

"She's not gonna break if you're a little rough with her, Emma," he said, laughter evident in his voice.  I flushed.  He was quick to reassure me that he was grateful for my being careful with his senior citizen vehicle.  Then he pointed to the car radio.  "You have control," he said seriously, saluting me before finally starting up the car and backing out of the driveway.

I'd never particularly liked Ethan's driving as he always went too fast and cut turns too roughly, but I'd have gone with him (in my seatbelt) anywhere.  I'd liked him for several months and I saw him as much as possible.  The thought of him gave me butterflies in my stomach and when he was around I never had any idea what to say.  Attention from him was like a drug for me.

I allowed my neck to loll back onto the back of my seat as the loud music coursed through my body.  From the corner of my eye I could see Ethan's lithe fingers drumming on the steering wheel in tempo with the girly rock music I'd put on-- the type that he'd hated until I showed him what I listened to.  He now kept three of my favorite bands' CDs in his car at all times.  I don't know if he listened to them when I wasn't with him, but they were always in the player whenever I got in the car.

I lowered the music after we'd been in the car for about ten minutes.  "How's your week been, Ethan? You finally finish your final exam for that online class?"

He rolled his eyes and nodded.  "I didn't have that much left on it, you know.  My teacher just wanted it reformatted.  He's so picky."  He sighed.  "How has your week been?  We barely ever talk anymore.  I was so siked about this weekend I would have came and picked you up even if you'd caught my brother's stomach bug."

I smiled, pleased that he wanted to spend time with me.  "I've missed you, too," I said slowly.  "We haven't even talked online in awhile.  I guess we've both been kinda busy."

He nodded, but then suddenly his face took on an expression of shock and I felt the car coming to a sudden halt, the only thing stopping me from crashing through the windshield being a force across my chest that hadn't been there before.  I'd forgotten to wear my seatbelt.  What was holding me back?  All around me I heard the sounds of screeching and metal crunching.  I shut my eyes for a moment as panic spread through my body.  Am I dead?  I wondered.  I don't feel dead.  I opened my eyes and looked down.

Ethan's arms were pushing my waist and chest into the seat, still.  He'd saved me.  He looked up at me and I looked at him.  We looked at the road almost in unison.  In front of us was a huge accident, and at least four cars were part of the wreckage.  If we hadn't stopped, then we would have possibly been caught in the fire emerging from one of the cars.  We might have even died.  I looked down between my legs, suddenly nauseous.  I saw my bag and I tried to reach down and grab for it to call the police.  Ethan's arms still held me into the car seat.  I glanced at him.  He was still watching me, his foot still on the break and the engine still going.  I pulled at his arms until they loosened, falling into my lap.  His head relaxed into my side.  Thankfully his foot stayed on the breaks.  I leaned over, switching the car to Park and turning of the car.  I tried to speak.  My lips were too dry.

I licked them and then tried again.  "Are you okay?"  I said, lamely.  I felt a nod against my side.  Something inside of me that had previously wanted to puke suddenly relaxed.  I leaned over and started fumbling through my bag, finally finding my phone.  I pulled it out, and quickly dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" the reciever asked.  I almost laughed.  I didn't have an emergency thanks to Ethan, but these people in front of me...

"There's a four car accident on US1.  My driver narrowly avoided becoming the fifth car."  I glanced behind me.  "There's a lot of traffic, of course... building up."

"We have already received information regarding this accident.  We will be there within minutes.  Please do not leave your car.  Are you hurt in any way?  Is your driver?  Other passengers?"

I shook my head, watching Ethan as his big brown eyes stared almost lifelessly into the dash board, clearly in shock.  "No, not physically.  I think my driver is in shock."

"Make sure he breathes normally until the ambulance arrives and inform them of your situation."  Finally, I began to hear the sirens.  The cruisers were first, but an ambulance and followed.  I unbuckled Ethan's seatbelt, reaching down underneath his waist to find the buckle.  He didn't laugh at he touch.  I sighed.

I guess the receiver had hung up on me.  I put my cellphone down and gingerly stepped out of the car door, checking my body for any damage.  I felt fine, if a little bruised from the force with which Ethan had held me down.  Nothing hurt.  I looked down at Ethan in the car, spread across two seats.  "Ethan, come on.  Get out of the car."  He didn't respond, but practically scrambled out of he car, coming to stand very close to me, his hand on my waist.  I raised my eyebrows, but I pulled him into a hug as a response.  Even when I pulled away, he still did not let go of me.

We stood there, silently, for a long while until a doctor came to look us over.  He lifted up my shirt slightly, felt my bruises, nodded, but didn't wave me over to the ambulance like he had a few women.  He gave Ethan a once over, also lifting his shirt to glance at his bruises from the seatbelt.  They weren't bad, but just in unusual places due to his position during the stop.  "Are you the one in shock?" the doctor asked.

Ethan shook his head.  "I'm fine," he said, finally.  "I'm just really scared."

The doctor nodded, sympathetic.  "I have clearance to send you two off.  Just be careful.  Follow the road blocks, you just will have to drive over the median.  Young lady," he addressed me.  I looked at him.  "Can you drive?"  I nodded.  "Take the keys."  I glanced at Ethan, then got in the driver's seat.  He sat in the passenger seat, slowly.  I started up the car, drove over the median, and around the bloody accident before me.  Other cars followed us, I guess previously unsure of where to go.  I looked in my rear-view mirror at the horror behind me.  White sheets covered three bodies.  I gagged, but kept my eyes on the road.  I put the radio on and drove to the beach.  I didn't know where else to go.  I knew I wasn't going to go home.  Ethan put his hand on my knee.  I glanced at him, but his eyes were glued to the road.  He squeezed my leg.  I knew he just needed reassurance so I let him.  Besides, sometime later on when I felt more normal I could use that touch as fantasy material. 

My voice caught in my throat when I tried to speak.  I cleared it and then tried again.  "Thank you... for what you did.  I could have di-"  Ethan's hand on my leg tightened to the point where it was almost painful.  I understood that he didn't want me to say that and stayed quiet.

When I pulled into a parking spot at the beach, I shut off the radio and stepped out of the car, Ethan's hand falling to my seat when I rose.  Moments later he crawled out of the car, too.  I got my bag and pulled up Ethan's shirt a little to make sure he had his trunks on underneath his jeans.  Thankfully, he did.    I smiled at him, and led him by the arm out to the sand.  I'd begun to feel very nervous that he wasn't talking, and regretted leaving without making the doctor give him a full checkup.

"Ethan, are you sure you're okay?"  My eyes were wide and the weight my bag on my shoulder felt like it would push me down into the ground.  I was suddenly terrified.

Ethan just nodded, though, and took my bag off my shoulder.  He walked out another ten feet or so and then dropped the bag on the floor.  He pulled out my beach towel and worked diligently, using my stakes to secure it to the ground.  There weren't many people around, but I felt like the whole world was watching me stand there stupidly, upset with myself for only bringing one hammer.  I made myself busy by pulling out two of the waters I'd brought for us.  Once Ethan was done, he stood up straight and just looked at me.  I felt unnerved.  Suddenly, I had an idea.

"What did I say about not getting undressed at the beach?"  I plastered a plastic smile onto my face.  "If you don't take those clothes off, I'll do it for you!"  He just stared at me.  I felt self-conscious, but I plowed on, walking closer to him.  He didn't back up.  I pulled his shirt up, and he bent over so I could pull it all the way off.  My eyes furrowed.  "Stop fooling around," I said.  "Take off your pants yourself."  He stood straight up and, finally, smiled at me, gesturing towards his zipper.  He looked cocky.  My eyes narrowed as I reached towards him.  He didn't move.

Unzipping his pants was a lot less awkward than one would have thought.  He stayed still and I didn't have to touch any part of him except for his pants the whole time.  I'm sure I blushed anyway.  Once his jeans were unzipped and unbuttoned, he shimmed out of them and stepped out. 

I pulled off my white cover-up that I'd tossed on and sat down on the towel, facing away from Ethan.  I felt him sit down next to me.  We stayed like that for what felt like hours.  I felt uncomfortable. Even though I usually threatened to do things that would make most girls squirm, it didn't make it any less weird that he'd just let me like that.  He never would have before.  My face twitched.  I wanted to apologize, but he finally spoke.

"Let's go in the water."  I looked over my shoulder at him.  He was facing me, watching me, and probably had been the whole time.  I smiled weakly and nodded.  I pushed myself off of the blanket and we walked out to the waves.  I shuddered when the cold water licked at my ankles.  I pursed my lips.  I didn't know what to say.  I never in a million years would have thought that I would wish there was someone else with us, but that was the only thought crossing my mind as we walked out farther into the water.  Usually in the water we would hug since I'd told him it helped my obsessive disorder, but for whatever reason I didn't want to go anywhere near him today.  I wanted to go home and hit my head against the wall.  I didn't want to be with him for another second.  I sighed heavily, feeling nauseous. 

"I was just kidding with you," I heard him say.  I jumped, caught in my own thoughts.  "You didn't have to unzip me."  He sounded nervous.

I turned around, feeling as though my face would start turning green.  "No," I said.  "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that.  I didn't think you'd let me."

He nodded, his jaw twitching.  "I'm sorry too.  I'm really okay, you know.  Please don't worry about me."

I nodded, relaxing slightly.  I felt hot tears begin to stream down my face, but I knew Ethan wouldn't notice them because of the water I'd splashed on my hair. For the first time that day I noticed the hot sun beating down on us.  I'd forgotten to apply sunscreen.  I wondered if Ethan had put any on.  His skin was far too sensitive to be out in the sun without it.  "Did you put sunscreen on?"  I questioned him. 

He shook his head and frowned.  Without speaking, we both walked up to the towel together and dried off with towels from my bag.  He applied sunscreen on his chest and arms.  I didn't bother with myself; I knew I'd get skin cancer at some time in my life because I was always burning myself.  I frowned.  I still felt uncomfortable.  I knew something had changed between us, but I just wasn't sure what.  I clenched my jaw and tried to push away all the feelings of self doubt that were consuming me.  I was sure Ethan didn't hate me.  We were just both really riled up from our near-death experience.  My stomach churned as I created a mantra in my head, reminding myself that he didn't hate me.  This is probably why I jumped again when he held the sunscreen bottle towards me and turned around for me to do his back.  I nodded, grabbing the bottle from his outstretched hand and squeezing a liberal amount into my palm, rubbing it between my hands until it was warm.  I began massaging it into his back and was somewhat surprised when he leaned into me.  I smiled genuinely for the first time since the accident.

When I'd finished with his back, I rubbed my oily fingers on his neck, making sure not to touch his hair.  That's when it happened.  He turned around and kissed me.  For a moment I just blinked, but then instincts kicked in and I started kissing him back.  He turned around the rest of the way swiftly and  pushed me down onto the towel gently, not breaking the kiss as he climbed on top of me.  I alternated between wrapping my arms around his neck and rubbing his back up and down.  In the beginning, he kept his hands at my waist, gently massaging the bruises his saving me had caused.  I jumped a little when he squirmed his hands underneath my body to squeeze at my bottom.  It caused my pelvis to push up against his and he pushed back down, causing the sort of friction that I'd never felt before in my life, let alone in a public place.  My cheeks burned, but I opened my mouth when he ran his tongue along my upper lip.  We kissed like that for a long while, him grinding down into my pelvis, causing me to pant as he kissed me.  I grew warm and moist between my thighs, more so than I'd ever felt in my entire life.  No pornography or casual boyfriend had ever come even close to making me feel like I felt right then.  I pulled his ponytail out of his hair and ran my fingers through his long locks, rubbing at his ears as our tongues danced.  He responded by pulling away from my mouth momentarily to kiss at my neck.  I gasped and my chest nearly caved in on itself.  I was almost glad he went back to kissing my mouth then.  I might have had a heart attack if he'd kept kissing my neck.

I finally had to pull away from him to catch my breath.  He looked down at me, dark brown eyes wide.  His hair was all over the place, and my hands were still tangled in it.  His lips looked swollen, and I didn't even even want to know what mine looked like.  We just kind of panted at each other for awhile before he rolled off me and onto his side.  He pulled me into him so my back was facing him and my bottom pushed into his pelvis.  He was hard.  He wrapped his arms around me tightly and allowed not an inch of space between us.

I closed my eyes, mind racing.  I couldn't believe that had just happened.  I relaxed my body, limb by limb, until I began to think at a normal speed again. Ethan held onto me tighter and there was a slight thrust in his lower body as he did so.  I was sure that I wasn't supposed to notice it.  I'm not sure if I was supposed to notice when he clenched me tighter and then hissed, "Shit," into my ear when he came in his trunks, but I did.

I surprised myself by being disgusted. This had been a mistake, I realized, swallowing.  "Shit, indeed," I mumbled.

I guess liking Ethan was only fun when he didn't like me back...  I blamed our actions on the death we'd just seen and I shifted carefully out of his arms.  He saw the apology on my face, and his own expression twisted into one of pain.  That's when the tears really poured down.  For both of us.