Thrills and Chills

Thrills And Chills: Experiencing Ferredon For The First Time

         Known for taking challenges and experiencing of thrills and chills, I was excited to be one of the first to experience Ferredon.  Recently approved by the FDA, Ferredon has been touted as the next “habit of choice” for those of us who seek new and unique experiences.  Even though ti is as expensive as it is alluring, practically nothing is known about it.  Here is an account of my first experience taking Ferredon.
         I arrived at the Clinic early, and went through the required physical screening.  The doctor performing that task would not say what he was looking for, but apparently I didn’t have it.  Or maybe I did.  Who knows?  Anyway, my experience went something like this.                 
         “If by addictive you’re asking if you will become physically or psychologically dependent, the answer is no,” Joslyn assured me with a smile as she handed me the paperwork on a clipboard.  “But most of our customers repeat the experience.”
         “That’s good to know,” I felt relieved as I signed beside all the x’s.  “This is supposed to be only a trial.  The magazine won’t pay for more than that.”
         “A wise decision on their part,” Joslyn took the paperwork back.  “Once this gets processed, we can begin.”
         “You aren’t even going to give me a hint about what’s going to happen?” I asked.
         “I haven’t experienced it myself,” Joslyn explained.  “Employees aren’t permitted to.”
         “That must make sales hard,” I said.  It would have for me..
         “I’m not in sales,” Joslyn reminded me.  “Wait here, and someone will be with you shortly.”
         I sat back in the chair as she left, shutting the door behind her.  What came next?  The room was small, devoid of anything except my chair.  I’d soon find out, I realized.  Soon the white walls were beginning to get to me.  Was someone watching me?  Probably.  As much as this cost, the law suits could be staggering if something went wrong.
         It seemed like a long time before the door opened once more.  Checking my watch confirmed that only about five minutes had passed, but it seemed longer.
         “Tom!” Renee seemed surprised to see me.  “I really wasn’t expecting you here.”
         “Renee,” I smiled.  She’d been a coworker, one recently downsized by the magazine as I had been.  As a writer, she had been one of the best in my opinion.  It was her assignments that had been her downfall.  But that had been mine as well.  My new fads and trends column apparently hadn’t attracted the readership the management desired.  “How’s things?”
         “Okay,” Renee wasn’t convincing.  “You’re here for the mag?”
         “Yeah,” I admitted, “freelancing this time.”
         “Then they let you go too?” Renee wasn’t all that curious.  “I was wondering who besides me would get the ax.”
         “They let lots of folks go,” I sighed.
         “Are you certain you want to do this?” Renee asked.  “I mean, it is right up your alley, after all.  But still....” she left her objections unsaid.
         “What else am I supposed to do?” I asked.
         “I dunno,” Renee said as she pulled a syringe out of the pocket of her white lab coat.  “I’m here, too.  Can’t complain too much, I guess.  Are you ready for this?”
         “As ready as I’ll ever be,” I assured her.
         Renee came over and gave me the injection in my arm.  It tingled more than hurt.  “There you go, Tom,” she said as she applied the band-aid.  “You’re free to go.  Hope it works better for you than it did for me.”
         “That’s all?” I felt as if I’d been taken.
         “That’s all,” Renee assured me as she left the room.  “Let me know how things go, okay?”
         I left the clinic, uncertain of what had happened to me.  Having a reputation for trying cutting edge things ought to have given me greater insight into what was happening.  I went home to write about my initial sensations, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.  Things seemed the same as they had before.  It wasn’t until later that I really noticed that things were different.  I guess it takes a bit of time for the small things to pile up.
         I noted that things went well.  I caught the express bus back to the hood, and even had a seat to myself.  That’s unheard of in the middle of the day.  The mail came, and my severance check was much larger than I anticipated.  Even Mrs. Cohen on the floor below seemed pleased to see me.  Regina, my ex-girlfriend called and invited me to dinner.  Her uncle needed a writer and she had heard I was available.  Personally I’d never thought she’d even give me the time of day.
         Many things went right over the next few days.  I can’t for the life of me think of anything that went wrong.  Three days later I was calling Renee, and telling her of all the little differences.  She didn’t say much, and after listening to about an hour of my blithering assured me that the Ferredon was indeed working.  If I doubted it, I’d realize it had worked when it wore off.
         Then the Ferredon wore off.  Things returned to normal, which is to say they become crappy just like before I took the Ferredon.  But I have another job, so this is the last time you’ll read me here.  And Regina, our relationship is still rocky, but it’s on again.  That much of my experience is real.
         I’ve experienced no side affects, and there seems to be no residual hazards to Ferredon.  But I can tell you this: I’m going to do it again.  When I can afford it, that is.  It definitely isn’t physically addictive, and it’s expensive beyond what most people can afford.  Still, I’d recommend Ferridon for anyone who might be interested.  This is Tom Chronsky, signing off from this lousy magazine for the last time.