Lost and Found

Snow fell on our faces while we looked up at the spotted night time sky. I could hear the rushing water of the creek in the distance. I was wondering how long this perfect feeling would last when I felt her shiver. I turned my head away from the stars and looked at her. Her dark brown hair was in strands clinging to her rosy red cheeks. She turned to look at me with her dark blue eyes and let out a deep breath. We both watched it swirl out into the cold air in front of her. I was in love with her because she saw the beauty in the world, big and small.

We didn’t say anything; I just grabbed her soft, uncovered hand and started walking out of the small clearance and into the trees of the forest behind my house. Eventually we made it back to my porch. I opened the door for her and closed it fast behind me, not letting the cold air follow us in.  We walked to the living room couch. I sat her down and then sat next to her, close.

Her hand still in mine, she smiled at me and whispered, “That’s was beautiful Landon. Why haven’t you showed that to me before?”

“I was waiting for the perfect moment,” I answered, “and the perfect night.” I grazed my lips across her cheek closest to me, and that’s all I meant it to be but she turned her heard so that her lips would meet mine. We only kissed for a moment, but it is that moment that I remember the most about that night.

A few nights later, around the same time, I was in my father’s old red ford focus driving down the windy road to her house. She hadn’t seemed like herself in the last text she sent me, which was about four hours ago. I was worried. Going through all the possibilities of what could have happened to her while I was driving, could not have prepared me for what I figured really did happen once I got to her house.

I pulled into the driveway; not a car in sight. I walked up to the front door; not a single light on in the house. I knocked and rang the doorbell; no one answered. I continued knocking; still no answer. I opened up the unlocked door and yelled “Izzy,” while walking through the house. No one replies. I call her cell phone but I can hear it ring. I ran to the ringing phone. She wasn’t in the house.
The door to her bedroom was open. Her phone was left on her bed with a message from Gabriella (her mother) still open, “Izzy, I cant drive so I wont be home tonight. Sweet dreams.” The message was sent a little over an hour and a half ago.  To me, that meant her mother didn’t know where she was either.

I sat down on her perfectly made bed and took a deep breath. “Where could she be?” I whispered to the empty house. Her mom had been gone awhile so Izzy hadn’t taken the car. She really didn’t know anyone else in the neighborhood, besides me. It was freezing outside, so she couldn’t have walked very far.

I tried to imagine the places she would go, but I really only knew one side of her. I was homeschooled so I didn’t know anyone from her school, or who she hung out with, besides me. I did know, however, that she had a friend, Emma, that she would text a lot when we were together.

I grabbed her phone from the bed again and went to her messages. Her last sent message was almost four hours ago when she had texted me last. The message before that was to Emma.

“I don’t know what to do,” Izzy had said.

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. “I should be spending this time looking for her,” I yelled. I was mad at myself for losing her. I should have realized she wasn’t acting like herself earlier. Now I was wasting time and who knows what happened to her.

“This is Landon. Do you know where Izzy is?” I typed into a new message and sent it to Emma. I figured Emma would know her better than anyone.

I was nervous for her reply, desperately hoping it involved a yes. I waited and waited. After a few long minutes, the phone vibrated with a new message, “Why do you have her phone if she isn’t with you?”

Despair hit me hard. I sent “found it on her bed, can’t find her anywhere,” before getting up and heading to my car again. I took Izzy’s phone with me just in case.

As I slid into the driver’s seat Emma sent, “When’s the last time you saw her? I talked to her around five.”

“I saw her yesterday. I texted her around five too.” I sent it as I backed out of the driveway. Heading down the road towards my house, I slowly drove with the windows down and the heat blasting.

“Shit. Where do you think she went?” Emma sent me.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “If I knew I wouldn’t have asked you. I’m driving around town. Any ideas?”  I drove even slower while I typed the message. My head was pounding hard against my skull. I was scared and worried and nervous and angry at myself. It was hard to wrap my head around all the mixed feelings.

“She has been talking about stars a lot lately… if that helps. I don’t know,” said Emma. I took Izzy to the best spot I knew to see the stars. That perfect night with just me and her, watching the snow fall, and the stars twinkle. It all felt unrealistic now, like it was just a figment of my imagination.

I had made it all the way to my house now, “Should I check the creek? Not for a dead body”… I shuddered at the thought and it took me a second to get my fingers to type again “but do you think she went down there on purpose?”

What if I did find her lifeless, cold, dead body just laying on the ground? What would I do? Would I be able to keep it together long enough to call for help? I can’t even imagine picking her up and not feeling her heartbeat against mine. A vibration distracted me from my dark thoughts, “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Just don’t get lost. Take her phone with you so you can keep me updated. I hope you find her.”

I replied with, “Ok. Me too,” before I turned off the car in my driveway.

Just opening the car door made me nervous. I was afraid I would find something I didn’t want too. But then again I wanted to run down the hill to the creek so that I can prove to myself that Izzy is fine and just sitting there on a rock smiling at the beautiful sky.

Before I knew it, I was on top of the hill that looked over the creek, reading, “Good luck. Be careful,” from Emma. I smiled, I was glad Izzy had such a good friend to take care of her. But I didn’t reply I just stuck the phone in my pocket and kept on walking.

Once I got down to the creek, I became less worried because what little water was left over from the snow had frozen into ice not deep enough to fall into. “She is alive.” I told myself over and over again as I walked across the icy rocks.

As the time ticked away, the chilled wind was picking up speed.  I was freezing. My pocket vibrated but I didn’t check to see why. My fingers were frozen.

I sighed about to give up hope. “Maybe she went somewhere else,” I said through chattering teeth. But as I began to turn around I saw something out of the corner of my eye, something that looked out of place. I carefully walked over to it, afraid of what it was. It looked like a leg but it was so covered in snow I was afraid it was just my hope playing tricks on me.

When I got close enough I closed my eyes and counted to three, hoping with all of my heart, that it was Izzy. 
“Oh my gawd,” I said out loud when I opened my eyes. Suddenly a wall of worry hit me hard. I bent down to examine her closely. There she was, Izzy, on her side, just lying on the ground. I couldn’t see her face, I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

I reached my hand out laying it softly on her arm. Luckily she was wearing a coat but even the coat was freezing to the touch. I didn’t want to think she was dead, but I still couldn’t tell yet.

Holding in my breath, I pushed her arm hoping she wouldn’t just flop over. She did. She was now lying on her back, facing the sky. Her eyes were closed and her face was completely white. I could tell she had been cold.

I was confused. I didn’t know what to feel. Tears started falling from my eyes, but I wasn’t sure if it was from anger or sadness.  “Izzy,” I moaned, “Izzy. Izzy. Izzy. Why? Why would you do this?”

I put my head on her chest and held it there, knowing I wouldn’t hear anything but desperately wishing I could. The tears were getting heavier now and turning into sobs. I didn’t care I would sit there all night and cry if… wait, what was that?

I lifted my head up and looked at her again. Lifting my frozen fingers to my face, I wiped away my tears and they immediately stopped. I softly put my ear up to her chest again. Thump… thump.  I was positive I heard it that time. It was Izzy’s heartbeat. She was alive after all.

I jumped up to my feet looked around. It would be a long walk back to my house to carry her. I wasn’t sure if I would be fast enough. I pulled Izzy’s phone out of my pocket and sent Emma a quick text saying “Found her. Alive.” 

Shoving the phone back in my pocket, I reached down and carefully picked up Izzy’s barely alive body in my arms. She was flimsy and not cooperating with the way I wanted to hold her. It was hard to walk. “Izzy?” I asked her loudly, wondering if she could understand me.

“Lan…” she breathed out.

I felt huge relief. That was a good first step. “Izzy, look at me. Please,” My voice was soft and soothing now. I didn’t want to hurt her.

Her eyes opened slightly for less than a second and then closed again. I smiled and kept walking.

She was heavy. My arms were cold. My feet were cold. It was not a good walk. However, I liked the thought of holding her close to me, my warmth keeping her alive. And that is what made me keep going.

When I got to the part of the creek that I started at, and only had the hill to climb before I reached my house, I decided it was time to talk to her again. “Izzy?” I asked. She hadn’t said anything else since I last talked to her. But I knew she was still alive because her heartbeat went in time with mine.

Her eyes flew open, but for only a moment. “Lan… don…” She breathed through chattering teeth.

“Baby, I need you to wrap your arms around me. Can you do that? Can you wrap your arms around my neck so I can carry you up this hill?” I was talking to her like I would talk to a little kid but that’s how fragile she felt to me. One wrong move and she might break.

Her arms moved a little closer to me, but not much.

“I know it’s hard, but you really need to try.” I whispered. I didn’t want to be mean. I didn’t want to hurt her. My angel, she was everything to me and I couldn’t lose her.

“I’m c-c-old.” She whimpered. Her teeth began to chatter again.

My heart was breaking. It was hard to see her like this. “I know baby, I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m trying to get you out of here. I’m trying to make you warm. I just need you to wrap your arms around my neck. I don’t want to drop you. Please baby. Please just try to wrap your arms around me,” I said as the tears slowly began to fall again.

Her arms slowly moved around my neck. She gently repositioned herself so that her head was resting on my shoulder and hands were loosely holding on to each other behind my neck.

“Thank you. Don’t worry we are almost home, just a few more steps. Keep your eyes closed and we will be there soon.” I whispered in her ear as I started walking up the hill.

It was steep and I stumbled a few times but we made it to the top, both of us still alive. The wind started to pick up again and tiny snowflakes began to fall. I could see my car, which was a good sign. “Almost there. I can see it now. Just keep holding on. We will be there soon.” I told myself out loud.

Izzy must have thought I was talking to her because she said, “can-t-t-t let-t-t go-go”

“That’s good. Don’t let go.” I whispered to her, “don’t let go.”