Tuscan Travels

Tuscan Travels

Arrived at the airport and we're overweight,
Ruth's clothes are on the floor and so we're running late.
Spread them out of course was what we had to do
But it's not ideal when there's a restless queue.
Still we catch our flight
So that's alright.

Arrived in Italy
All was fine.
We'd booked a Tuscan villa in the countryside
That for several hours we could not find.
Had to call the owners to rescue us
After no success and five hours on a bus,
After crossing rivers and a two mile hike
We were less convinced this was somewhere we would like.

Was it that house on the hill? No a water mill!
At least we'd found it but this was no thrill.
Sleepless nights
Mosquito bites
Snakes, lizards, wild boars
Prying eyes behind closed doors.
Stranded on Sunday, eat more figs,
Whilst in the background they shot wild pigs.
No information, no drinks, no food
So we're off to the village to improve our mood.
It's quite a distance away
And we're not too sure if we want to stay.

But we had some fun in the village that night
So on our return we felt alright.
Till staggering back, another hitch
As crossing rivers, Joan fell into the ditch.

Turns out ok, but the very next day
Little did we know what was coming our way!
"You're much too loud,
Just not like our usual crowd:
Having too much fun,
This is not a hotel, this place in the sun."

So we packed our bags thinking that's alright
Let's get out out here and out of sight.
No problem for us,
We can get the bus with a minimum of fuss.
Let's go to Pisa, have a good time,
Enjoying ourselves shouldn't be a crime.

No talking in the room and treated like a child..
But Joan's embarrassed, thinks we're both so wild.
"What's wrong with ye in such a beautiful place
Now stop complaining it's a damn disgrace,
Been quite a week
With ya rebellious streak
It's not the norm,
So will ye just conform."

But there's no clean sheets or fresh towels
And the whole experience now affecting our bowels,
And it's not to be
That we can be free
For the wife says "No
We cannot go!"

Now I'm covered in blisters, can barely walk
So fed up can hardly talk,
Collapsing beds
Throbbing heads
Ruth sleeping like a mummy
And Joan upset by her rumbling tummy.
We've had enough of all this stuff
More sleepless nights and feeling rough.

Then thunderstorms, all soaking wet
Waiting at bustops - fret, fret, fret.
Time and time again determined to be free
We'd wait two hours under a tree.
Ruth morris dancing in the rain,
And Joan rubbing her legs to release the pain.

Then we arrive at Lucca via the train
But the whole experience was such a strain.
Lose our way, end up adrift,
Have to call the hotel just to give us a lift.
Can't speak the language, don't understand
When we ask the locals to give us a hand.

So we took a trip to the Tirrenian sea
But it didn't turn out as it was meant to be.
Inspectors on the bus
And a mighty fuss
As a fight broke out,
Poor ruth got a clout,
As boys haven't paid
So policeman raid
No tickets on the bus
If ours had expired then it could have been us.
Taken to the station, locked up in a cell
Miles away from home feeling very unwell.

So we're off to the village for a decent meal
Should really have been no big deal.
But in the toilet too long
As everything went wrong.
Set alarm bells ringing,
Interrupted all the singing
And there's banging on the door
As someone's mopping up the floor.
So off we fled,
Clambering out with faces bright red.

Still Florence was fine
Though we had to rush to get back for nine.
And the leaning tower of Pisa, an amazing sight,
Intricate detail, gleaming white.
So we can't complain
That what happened to us almost drove us insane.
There's so much to recommend in Italy
But it's not quite over yet as you will see.

As at the airport so impolite,
And just not right
To leave us out in the middle of the night!
Joan wrapped up like Pinnochio,
All dressed like clowns with nowhere to go.
Then four am, oh what a swarm
As passengers scrambled just to get warm.
On arriving home we were all quite glad
As England after all didn't seem so bad.