The First Cut is The Deepest

Her mellifluous movements were hypnotic and people watched, boys curious, girls jealous. She didn't know who she was or how her talents shined. Julie just knew she loved to dance and these lunch time school discos were a bonus. Even when people said to her you should be a professional dancer, it didn't penetrate as an actual option in her life. Inside she was trying her self conscious best. She didn't have a clue she was kind of beautiful. She wasn't a cool girl she was too accommodating for that, yet she had her secret admirers and those that she drooled over. Julie would hang with the swots in the classroom and the bad girls in the playground sharing smoking time when she didn't even like smoking. Trying to emulate their ways buying the same stack shoes, adopting a similar hairstyle and spouting phrases she didn't even know the meaning of. She got washed along on a wave of persuasion.

One thing she did have in abundance was humor and a slight strangeness that others recognized instinctively which gained her a weird type of respect unbeknown to her. She had long blond hair, a nose that was a little too big for its own good, piercing ice blue eyes, tiny chin and a neck which she wished belonged to a giraffe and not her; A pleasant girl, always willing to please.

The pink glow of the lights and the red reflection of the sun pushing its way through the now drawn curtains created a womb like comforting glow. She looked good in pink. She mused how much better she would look if her uniform was bright pink instead of the blood draining green they were forced to wear.The boys stood around checking out the decks moving a shoulder or two or showing a latest move learnt from some music video or other. Starts of ‘yeah man’ vicious hand slapping and finger clicking moves drifted across her auditory field. Her glance was drawn to the decks, wow what a thrill! Her latest guy to drool over was in the house. Extra blood rushed to those little places situations are made of. Her butt took off with a life of its own. She noticed the ‘boy girls’ near him and dropped her gaze convinced one of them thought she was looking at her. The consequences of this could only be dire. She would either be romantically hounded or get beaten for staring. Phew that was close. Dance girl dance. Angela returned to her side and they mirrored each others moves. They swung round in tandem, her head lifted and at that moment Keith looked up in her direction, he happened to be smiling at the time. He was in fact looking straight through her. But oh to her he was giving her a message. Yes I love you too she translated it as. Girls are such ninnies. A whole lifetime was lived by her and him in that one look. He had taken her to all the places in the world she had ever wanted to go to, had provided her with a huge home and cool car. Given her love just the way she wanted it, knew everything on her mind and attended to all her needs.

Angela her friend of the moment clocked the look. Julie turned to see her stomping across the floor with conniving purpose towards Keith. Everything shifted to slow motion. Julie was rooted in horror as Angela went up and whispered in his ear. Julie could tell what the words were even though she could not hear. “My mate fancies you.” AAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Her body seemed to whirl round and drive a hole into the floor. She couldn't move. She had no choice but to dance there on the spot, on her own, driven by an embarrassing compulsion. Now people were leaving the dance area. This made her over compensate and her moves became extraordinarily emphasized and awkward and people started to stare. The space got vaster between her and others and voices echoed as they sidled away from her. Angela and Keith's faces became conspiratorial as they chatted, laughed and pointed at her. The music stopped, breaking the compulsiveness of staying and she lurched off to the safety of a wall. Angela came back as if butter wouldn't melt. ‘I can see why you like Keith.’ She had her sights set on him now too. Why did she say anything to Angela, she should have kept it to herself. Now she would be ridiculed. ‘Be cool, be cool.’ she said in her head. She would pretend it didn't make any difference to her. Anyhow he would chose who he wants himself. “Oh god I'm dying inside and sporting a deep puce colour outside.” “What did you say?” asked Angie. The music started up again. Oops she had said it out loud, not thought it! What Angela hadn’t told her was that Keith had said he liked Julie.

“Want a coke?” Angie asked. Julie noted that Keith was over by the drinks. “No thanks.” She said in an effort to block her move. Oh no, it hadn't worked. “Oh I do, I’m really thirsty ,aren’t you hot, you look red enough.” Said the minx, and then flowed off in his direction, claws extending out from the ends of her finger tips. Julie couldn't work it out. She had something she didn't, what was that? Little did she know she was about to find out. She willed Keith to leave the drinks bar. It worked he went out through the door with his two mates, probably to the loo’s.

This was her chance, while Angela had her back to her she snuck out of the door next to her and made her way excitedly to the unisex toilets. ‘I need the toilet. I need the toilet.’ She said a mantra to herself. She tried not to look as though she was hurrying. She quashed the desire to fly through the corridors like the wind. She looked behind her, no sign of Angela. ‘I hope he’s there. I hope he’s there.’ She opened the door heart leaping. A ceremonial creak and ‘woah !’ She found herself shouting in her head as she beheld a most beautiful picture her god flanked by two of his angels. ‘Hi’ she ventured. It was reciprocal. ‘Hi’ his voice was as music to her ears.

The boy she fancied stood there adorned on either side by his two side kicks. He saw her coming in and starts to get the penknife out of his pocket. “Hey how’s it going?” He asks as he focuses his attention on the silvery blade that he reveals with relish, and a side order of surprise. He’s got the power. She is suitably impressed and hovers, waiting nervously for the sign that it is ok to join in. She focuses inordinately on the knife. Oh, oh, now he is compelled to do something else impressive. He starts to show how sharp it is by running his thumb down it’s blade, oops , though he seamlessly pretends it was meant to happen the blood that oozes from his thumb is a shock, but boy does he make the most of it. You know how boys are. He’s on a roll now; the compelling fascination of injury en wraps them all. She squeals in a pleasing manner giving him cart blanche to up the stakes. ‘What are you squeamish? It’s only a bit of blood.” He punctuates this with a sweep of his thumb in to the mouth. Licking and smacking his lips to form a big grin especially for her. She feels as if she will float off in to the stratosphere. She manages to keep that revelation in check and returns his smile coyly. The mates are excluded from this pleasure; it is just for the two of them to share. She wants to reach out and touch him but she knows better than to touch his hand in front of his friends.

It was all going swimmingly when suddenly… she lurched forward “ahh” stumbling against the wall, buckling in the middle and looking up at the taken aback boys. A wild glare was forming in her eyes and her mouth developed foam around the edges. She did not know what was happening, she struggled to contain and control. For a moment she had it, then she let go, it was too powerful ahhhh. Her head lifted and howled to the roof glimpsing the love heart her and a friend had drawn the day before with coded symbols of his name and hers together in love. It seemed very red and pulsating in time with her heart. Her demeanor changed dramatically and quickly, she thrust her leg out violently and kicked open the nearest cubicle door. The lads were stunned, eyes wide open, mouths a gape. Keith was loosing his grip. Muffled noises, groaning and strange strangulated cries sound scraped their ears, animal panic was rising. Gripping her sides she opened her eyes. The red nectar oozed, unnoticeable then drip, drip, drip as the deep redness polluted the virgin whiteness of her ankle socks. She froze in horror for seconds that seemed as minutes and everything went in slow motion. She followed the trail of blood wide eyed thinking she had been cut by his knife somehow, upward to the gaping wound she expected to find up , up to the unknowable cavern.
Instant relief not wounded .But oh god the embarrassment, the embarrassment. It was about to consume to the point of tears when, no there was something else, what was it? It made her feel strong a type of anger, no stronger, rage, yes it was rage. ‘Ahhhhh,’ she opened the door without thought, shot backwards in to the wall opposite still gripping her sides. As she lifted her head she realised the lads were still there. Her hair tussled sweat bearing beads of effort on her forehead, eyes wild and demon like ,she gave them such a fright . She darted back in to a cubicle further down the line. A wild caged trapped animal in a small confined space she crashed against the sides. Her body twisted and writhed with the intensity of her pain and then she knew someone would have to suffer for this that was done unto her.

Revenge would be wreaked; havoc and confusion would rein down on any male that dared to come within her radar of revenge. Her face contorted and stretched into grimaces that were personality changing. She was now woman and every male would suffer. And they would never understand why. “Ha, Ha,” she screamed demoniacally in her head. I will use and abuse, confuse, contuse, twist and bemuse. I am woman. Woe man. She emerged from the unisex cubicle. The boys, whose concerned inquiries had now turned into taunts in her mind, noted the shift in the world and slowly turned their heads. Inside somewhere they knew this was their nemesis. The demon had risen and they were now without hope. Their end was nye.

The boys looked at each other with shrugs in their shoulders. Not daring to move. Keith ventured after some moments. Are you ok? The transformation was almost complete she cleaned and stuffed toilet paper in to her knickers till it felt as safe as a nappy. Forgetting her sock she gathered and straightened herself feeling powerful and confident by the second. It was beginning to dawn on her what this meant. She was now a woman a different creature than had entered those toilets earlier. Empowered her body turned sexy suddenly, curved in all the right places and smooth and enticing in its movement. She now had the power. She was transformed even her hair and face changed. She was all woman now. There was no turning back she was a member for life. She emerged with a flourish . “Wow,” the lads were aghast. A piece of each of them got real hard. Truncheons all in a row. She swung her hips like an old pro and waltzed past, on the way pointing her finger at each one in turn, but still moving. They all looked the same to her now. “I‘m going to eat you for breakfast, you I’ll eat for my dinner and you, I’ll throw back.” She flicked her hair back and laughed. She exited with the poor creatures left with their tongues hanging out.

They didn't know what had hit them. They stood for a moment then Keith tentatively pushed back the cubicle door, weapon at the ready as a hunter checking the location of a dangerous prey. It creaked ominously open slowly revealing more of the concrete floor. There was a small red pool that now looked vast .He focused in on the floor ,there was a fly , on its back legs scrambling in the air , fighting for its life. The fly seemed to speak to him. “Watch out your next!” He let go of the door fast. It swung back against its frame with a huge crash and reverberation. ‘What’s the matter Keith, what is It?’ He gathered himself together his mates were coming to the door, “nothing man its cool, its cool. Come on lets go.” His mate Jack offers, “You check limp biscuit last night man, they were limp man.” “ And they say white guys ain’t got it man , cha. Dem black guy’s dem nah know!” Followed by teeth sucking. “Yeah ,yeah man cool,” says Keith. He distractedly puts his knife away in his pocket.

Their voices and image fade and in the subconscious of their brains an indistinguishable form starts to emerge with an unrecognizable sound of gibberish, slowly building in the background of their minds. It is a woman's face, any woman. Mouth a gape, incessantly moving, noise irritating and contradictory. The image grows as they do, the world of man becomes smaller and they will be consumed by the incessant chatter mouth that is Woman.