Finding My Way

“Finding My Way”

Stuck somewhere between a woman and a child; yearning to reattach to the umbilical cord,
But not the one who birthed me and nearly strangled me out of my final breath;
                                                           How ironic.
But instead I want to be attached to a nurture source;
I want to curl up, feel warm, and carefree.
I want to escape responsibility; dance in the rain, laugh uncontrollably, not care about money.
I want to flirt with the idea of smelling the roses.
I want to be the strong one: Rosie the Riveter: I Can Do It!
I wish I was manic—above all—feelings of indestructibility; travel and not care about responsibility.
I want to spend my money; be foolish; feel so good about me; be Superwoman,
And yet I want to lay down my sword and lasso and kill of Superwoman—
“She” has been saving people for far too long. “She” is tired and wants to fly away.
“She” wants to come around when she feels like it; not because it is expected of her.
I want creative energy to flow through my veins like drugs injected into my soul.
I want to feel that “high” and never allow myself down again.
I want to come face to face with God and ask, “Why?”—the most profound question on Earth.
And then when “Why” is answered I want to ask, “What now?” and “How?”
I want to leap into a rainbow; escape the storm that came before it and look toward the sun that follows.
I want to swim in the colors of it.
I want to swallow the color purple; symbolic of domestic violence.
I want to swallow it and let it drown in the liquids of my body.
How does it feel?
Swallow it; digest it—Purple.
I never want to regurgitate it again.
This time I want to keep it down instead of allowing it to oppress me.
Ah yes….
I can see it all; smell it all; taste it all; hear it all; feel it all.
My senses are overloaded with that tug of war between woman and child.
I am overloaded with the possibilities that lay within the rainbow; somewhere between the storm and the sunshine.
I think I will rest here for a while.