Then & Now - A Relationship

Then and Now
Then
Shadows do not reflect how this feeling is
Empty and hollow as a burnt out building can only be
Why does this hurt so much? Why does it have to ache?
I will be the last of my family
I am the youngest, I will be left on my own
That is the nature of the world
A chaos brought shattering down to its knees
The feeling subsides, ebbs then grows again
A song plays in the background, mourning the loss
It triggers memories, fond and regretful, tears flow
Thoughts occur, black and grey, clouds form in my mind
How do I end this?
Time passes surely but slow, time burns a hole in the heart and mind
I need help, fast and so very much
I talk to someone, they are neutral and calm, a distant voice
Pills are swallowed they sooth the mind
Slowly the pain flows away from me, I breathe
I am told to live for the day, not for the tomorrow, enjoy myself
It’s hard to do, I look around observing those that have what I used to
I take myself away, locked into my room, why do I feel this way?
Drugs work, I would’ve gone, away from this place, this state
There is a switch, I am sure, it stops me, makes me live, makes me breath
Ashes to ashes, let me sleep, do not wake me.


Now
I breathe, my exhalation can be seen in the cool air, I smile.
A warmth showing on my face, the years journey has been day to day.
The drugs smoothed away my pain, replaced by something, someone new.
I don’t deny that my darker days still haunt me, for they have shaped me and they still do.
Live for the day, live for tomorrow, enjoy what I have, this is now my way
I now observe people, I tell myself how fortunate I am, to find someone, to feel needed once more.
For I am one of the fortunate ones, I had those dark black and grey days, the days where I would’ve walked, walked out on life, and they are now gone.
A voice echoes in my mind, reminds me of the past, it passes just as quick as it came.
Yes those drugs helped, smoothed away the obsessions, the thoughts that I once had.
Today, tomorrow, I need someone special, a soul mate, a best friend, a lover.
I often heard from my father, it is not a man’s financial wealth that creates happiness and contentment, it is family, friends and those closest to our hearts that truly make us wealthy.
It is now with smiles and laughter that I love my life.
I will not deny myself what is to come, be it pain or joy, for this is life, this is my life
My life will be full, full of all the challenges that it will bring to my door.
Yes, physical pain will be beckoning in old age, perhaps even mental pain, I welcome it, as my life will have been lived to its full.
I also know that I might be the last in my family, my parents, my sister and brother, they may well pass before me, but I know I will not die alone, I will be surrounded by those I love.
I no longer need help, I no longer need those drugs, I need myself, that someone special and the family that raised me.
I will work, I will live and love, I am stronger for my experiences.