The One

I felt you for a moment, yet I can feel you still
Can feel your breath upon me, why can’t it be your will
To have you here beside me, to have your body near
To have you here, inside me, to claim you as my dear?
It aches me to desire you, it aches me most to see
That I’m no longer needed, that I’m a memory
One that has only faded, one that can never grow
Can never be your equal, can never truly know
Your wishes and desires, your secrets from within
You torture with your presence, you send my mind to spin
Your calmness it disturbs me, it re-invokes my fears
Your absent gaze, it haunts me, it cuts like knives and spears
I stand before you idly, I wait for you to speak
I wish you could say something, for I, I am too weak
The tears that flow are hidden, my glances are as well
I focus on the others, enduring in my shell
I miss you when it’s dark out, I miss you when there’s light
I miss you when I’m sleeping, when I no longer fight
The urge to touch your body, the urge to touch your hair
To simply have you near me, to simply know you care
I search my mind for answers, to find a way t’ explain
But I find less than nothing, find only heaps of pain
Please tell me to forget you, say that we never were,
Just say you never loved me and then I will concur
I’ll close my heart forever, be always on my own
And never love another, be only flesh and bone
Taste only of life’s outline, have only what is bare
I’ll have no need for comfort, I’ll only just be there
Without a single feeling, I will have stripped my soul
Of anything that’s human, my death my only goal
And if I die this evening, or when the sun shines high
Or when it rains from heaven, or when the air runs dry
I ask, will you remember? Or will your heart find grief?
Will your pain last evermore? Or will your pain be brief?
Let me say just one more thing, I won’t be long I’m sure
I wish my heart could follow the stained and not the pure
I hope you can forgive me for looking past your way
I needed to be silent, to keep my want at bay
Inside I screamed to need you, I yelled a quiet plea
I bargained every moment to keep or set them free
The things I wished to tell you, the things I couldn’t say
The things my soul desired, I let my heart decay
If it is today I die, I beg, forget me not
I tried to hint, to tell you, but failed and never got
The you I wished and longed for, the you that had to be
The one to lie beside me, the one that was for me