My Heart I Gave To You

My Heart I Gave To You Collection is a compilation of short stories based on a single song titled My Heart I Gave To You by Yiruma. You can search for the song if you want.  This is the first story in the compilation, and it's about a mild case of cousin love. MILD.

Sandcastle

         “Eanne! You’re so slow! If you maintain that pace, you’ll never catch up to me.”
         Under the shade of the setting sun, which rests far away to the horizon before us, Gary seems to be glowing on the edges. With his back towards me, he races to the shore; the genuine happiness clearly visible on his face. Ever since we were little, we had been playing here every day, and now, we’re back to this special place, again.
         Just like the old times.
         “Wow, nothing changed. It’s just the same eleven years ago. I feared that something might’ve happened. It’s a relief.” The way he smiles at me, it’s just as though he’s young again—like a kid.
         But not everything is the same as before. Change—
         —is inevitable.          
         “Yeah... It’s still as beautiful as ever. Like you, it hasn’t changed.”
         People change, and so do their feelings over time.
         “Ha-ha. I haven’t? Aww, that’s too bad. I thought I’m mature now to settle down. That’s bad news for my future wife.”
         “I didn’t mean it in a bad way you know. Your future wife is very lucky.”
         Because you’re going to hold her hand for the rest of your lives. And that makes me jealous of her.
         “Is she? Ha-ha. Unlike me, you changed. You’re not the same naughty kid anymore. I’m going to miss your teases.”
         That’s not the only thing that changed in me.
         A change I can never ever tell you. Or else, I fear that I’ll lose you. And because I don’t want that to happen, my mouth is zipped, and I locked this feeling away to the very bottom of my heart, never to be brought to the surface.
         “Is that bad...? You don’t want me anymore? Oh dear, I’m gonna cry now.” I tease.
         “I take it back. You haven’t changed at all.” He rolls his eyes.
         I chuckle.
         I’m not wishing for anything more than this. I’m happy with the way things are. Just by reuniting with him again, that’s enough for me.
         “Man, I really miss this. Don’t you too?”
         “Of course I do. I love this place.” And the memories of us that goes with it.
         “Let’s build a sandcastle, like we used to.” He nudges me from the side.
         I immediately raise a finger at him. “Okay, but on one condition. Let’s not make it a competition.”
         “What? But that’s no fun.” His eyebrows pucker.
         “This time, I want us to build a big one. Together.” My lips stretch into a smile.
         “Okay then.”
         I have my own reason of why I wished for this. Though competing for the tallest sandcastle is indeed fun, but I can’t look closely at him by that. At least if we’re building face to face like this, he won’t notice. Ha-ha, I’m pitiful, aren’t I?
         “Using a pale would’ve been much better. This is harder than I thought.” He remarks.
         “Yeah, but there’s no pale in sight. Guess this is what we call manual labor.”
         “Heh. Right.”
         “How are Alois, Kenneth, and Irish? What’s the latest news of them?” He briefly looks up at me.
         “Alois is married now, and he has a son already.”
         “Ah, yeah. He’s a man by now. Ha-ha. To think we used to be so small and ignorant of our future. He has grown to be a fine man.” He chuckles.
         “Kenneth and Irish are doing well in High School—top of their classes. Irish is gonna graduate this year.”
         His eyes are as blue as the skies. And his smile, as angelic as it is before.
         “Amazing, you’re parents must be very proud of you guys. He-he. Hmm, I wonder what’s going on with Angelia these days.” He smiles.
         “...You’re sister just got married last year. Your mom is so proud of her. And they’re expecting their first child this summer.”
         “That soon!?” He stops forming the second tower of the castle and stares at me. “Who did she marry?”
         “Wilbert Swank. You’re best friend.” I smile.
         He looks very shocked. “Wow, I didn’t know they have feelings for each other. I didn’t notice it at all. She married a great guy, and he married a great girl. Then that means they’re a great couple. Ha-ha. Wow... since when did we grow so fast? That news is very surprising. The tomboyish girl is a fine young lady now. Ha-ha.”
         “Yeah, I know right.” I involuntarily smiles.
         “How is... mom doing? Has she moved on from... dad’s death?”
         “Yeah, she’s doing well now. She told me working in the diner helps her forget what happened. Cooking for people is my forte, that’s what she said.”
         “I was afraid that she would never move on. That’s a big relief. Man! This barely even looks like a sandcastle.” He sighs.
         The sun slowly setting, and the breeze getting colder are suggesting that soon, it’s time to go home.
         “Hey, you didn’t tell me anything about you! You thought I forgot! Chances like this don’t even happen as often as sometimes.” He frowns at me.
         I sigh. “Okay. I got married a year after Alois. And—“
         I don’t really want to tell him this.
         “—I, also, have a son named Shin.”
         I wish the topic about me could’ve been avoided.
         “Woah...” He stares at me wide-eyed. “This is amazing. You guys have wonderful lives now. I wish that I witnessed all of the precious moments of my loved ones. It makes me a little jealous, really. He-he.”
         I look down.
         “So, who’s the lucky guy? Is it Lance? Did you finally confess to him? Or did Louis finally get you for good? Ha-ha.”
         “You don’t know him. He migrated to the city five years ago.”
         “I bet he’s handsome, knowing you.” He loudly laughs. My ears hurt for a second. “That’s just a joke. What’s his name?”
         “... Marcel.”
         “I wish he treats you well. But I guess there’s no need to ask, since I think he does because you still look beautiful. Ack! My mouth hurts! Ha-ha.”
         “Dummy... Ha-ha.”
         The more time I spend talking to you, the harder it is to for me to say goodbye. I’m afraid that if this keeps up, I might end up crying at the end. And I don’t want you to see me in tears.
         “Do you love him?”
         “...What?”
         The question totally takes me aback.
         “Of course I d-do. We’re married.” I avoid his gaze by looking at the wide deep-blue sea. “Why ask?”
         “Nothing. I just remembered that you truly have deep affection for your first love. I just thought you might still have lingering feelings for him. My bad. Ha-ha.”
         If you come to know who it is, I wonder how you’ll react.
         “What about you? You ask and ask, yet you haven’t said anything about what you’ve been up to, or how you are doing these days.” I return his frown fiercer than his.
         His face goes down and he briefly sighs. “Alright, alright. I know the deal. I’ve been... fine. There.”
         “That’s it...?” My eyebrows rise. “That’s only it?”
         “I can’t exactly tell you what I have been doing... But all I can say is that I’m as good as I’ve ever been. Okay?”
         “That’s unfair... It’s... really unfair... Can’t you tell more?”
         He smiles apologetically. “I wish I could, Eanne. I wish I could. But I really can’t. You know that.”
         “To wherever place I go now, I can assure you I’m doing fine there.”  He looks at both of my eyes. “I miss you guys so much. But it’s not like I chose to go. I guess my time was really up. He-he.”
         I was with him at the time of the accident. We were going home at one in the morning from the big family reunion. Our families left first because our parents are old, and they couldn’t stay up late. The young adults continued to party, with us. We weren’t that drunk, especially Gary, because he knew he was going to drive us home. It was so quiet, so I couldn’t help but doze off. The next moment I woke up, I was lying on a hospital bed; my mom holding my hand. She told me Gary was dead and that I barely survived the crash. I asked the police what happened, and he told me that the incoming truck was supposed to hit the side of the car I was sitting, but Gary stirred the car to the left, and the side of his door crashed to a light post, instantly killing him.
         I’m the one supposed to be gone. But he chose my life over his. I’m supposed to be the one asking him questions right now. But I’m not.
         “That’s not true. You had a choice. You-you took the hit that was mine! Why did you do it!?”
         It was supposed to be you who’s married now, and has a kid. Not me. Not me.
         Gary is getting blurry, and the moment I blink, tears roll down my face.
         “Because I knew... you would’ve done the same thing... for me. It just so happened that I was the one who was driving and had the choice to choose. And I chose you. Don’t blame yourself, since it was my decision.” He smiles.
         I bury my hands in the sand and cry. My chest is very heavy right now.
         Gary pulls my face up from the chin and looks straight in my eyes. His eyes are as gentle as ever. “Mine is over, yours is not. Live your life to the fullest along with your family and friends. Don’t worry about me. I’m very happy to where I am now. I’m not gone, I’ll always be here.” He places a finger on the middle of my chest.
         “Here.”
         I...
         “Oh, look, we didn’t get to build a sandcastle this time. It’s a total mess! We didn’t win. Ha-ha. And our time’s up, too. I guess this is goodbye. I don’t know if a chance like this will come again but I got to say everything I got to say, and everything I wanted to know. Be safe, Eanne.” He smilingly pats my shoulder. “Stop crying now.”
         “Wait! I... I want you to know something... If this is the last time we meet, at least I want you to finally know this...” I sniff.
         “What is it?”
         “Lance is not my first love, as you thought. It’s... it’s...”
         “It’s...?” He raises his eyebrows in question.
         “You... I... love you. Until now.” I close my eyes thinking this is it. I finally told him. Regardless of what his answer might be, I’ll take it.
         He puts a hand on my shoulder, and I open my eyes. There’s a smile visible on the edges of his eyes.
         “I know... Be free, Eanne.”
         I stare wide-eyed at him. I can’t believe it. When did he...?
         Then suddenly, his smile turns pained. And he briefly closes his eyes.
         “I... I... J-just remember that I’m always out there, guiding you. Goodbye...”


         Everything got dark from that point on, and when I open my eyes, I’m in my room, lying on the bed, the morning sunlight passing through the blinds.
         It was all a dream.
         But it seemed real. I can still remember the feel of the sand between my hands, the sound of the waves crashing to the shore, and the picture of the sunset clear in my head.
         And Gary, as real and beautiful as ever.
         It couldn’t be just a dream.


         “Good morning, dear. Just in time for breakfast. Your dad ate all of the pancakes, so I had to cook again. Sheesh.”
         Mom places a plate with two serving of pancakes in front of me.
         “I... dreamt of Gary, mom.”
         “What?”
         “I... dreamt of him.”
         “Gary? Our neighbour?” She raises her eyebrows.
         “No mom, my cousin.”
         She stares back at me silently for a moment.
         “I see... maybe he wants you to finally move on.”
         “Yeah, he wants me to live my life like before...” I smile down.
         Mom hugs me from the back tightly, her warmth comforting me. “Let’s visit his grave today and give him flowers.”
         “Yeah...”