wish

i was practicing in the shower

to write this i was practicing

i think i started with

i am a 20 yr old

a woman

a muslim

an iranian

please keep reading

don't stop because of our differences

my name is zara

my last name doesn't matter

zara means shining and blossom

i went on like

in my country

no..

where i live

a girl my age

has

many (don't want to use a number)

suitors

to get married

for life

(i am so sorry all you beautiful strong women making your hundreds of thousands every year for making you cringe at the thought that i would start this article.. or whatever else you call it, whatever else it is with the talk of marriage and dear Shine editors reading this, please don't categorize this as love+sex, it is about everything but lurv and getting it on (i lurv you marvin gaye) and while we are talking; i am a woman, please!! i need a misc section..

i don’t know how to get out of the parenthesis now.. i think i will just jump)

i do too

but i lurv somebody else

i swoon over his hair

his smile

his voice

i wish we could try to be together

i won't say a word though

as millions of women

i will watch him go away

i have nothing for meself

and no plan to set out and get anything for meself

i have made a world where

everyone else is the centre of it

i envy the girl who looks like she knows what she's doing

i lurv her

i do

but i can't stand her

i can't stand anybody talking about her

envy is the right word

saying envy helps

envy

envy

envy

this is what this thing is about

wanting to have something for meself

i don't mind how i am

i have lived this way for the past 5 years

but anytime i have the chance

to not be consumed

totally mesmerised

by a friend

or a song

or a movie

this feeling comes

the feeling only 4 words can describe

this is not enough

it's not enough simply

n nothing else

it's what i can also best describe as

i am not going to be another

another girl

another wife

another mother

n when i say another

i do not mean another to others

another to me

to be able to look into the mirror

without feeling

her again..

i know nothing about her

but one thing

she is a paradoxical creature

name her over again

name her something that means

contradiction

it suits her most

it suits her only..

i am writing this so i could have something for meself

something under my

and only my name

i am not a bitch

i don't want this to be too empowering

i don't want to be a man

i am a woman

a huwoman as i like to say

i don’t know if any other writer has stolen that already

like

textual chemistry

that was me feeling

and she said it out loud for millions to hear

the impeccable Charlize

i didn't know it could be a movie

i would of said it out loud first

i want this to be a beacon

the lady liberty of my life

of everything i have created

i don’t know why anyone else would want to read this

nobody probably will

O editors will probably be tearing their hair out

thinking  why are girls these days so made in china-ish

i think

it is because

we are all the same

we play up some stuff

and some down

and that is the part that makes me, me

and you, you

we are the same in ingredients i mean

like dreams

if only my dreams were to come true

you may think that is my problem

it isn't

if only i had

1

single

vague

crazy

stupid

impossible

dream

i don’t know if i would set out for it

that would be me next problem

for now

i just want to stop

caring so much

waiting so long

planning every single tiny detail

for somebody else

what about me

i could hear Meg Ryan in my head

aside from Comme une rosee de larmes

(i lurv French.. it's like blue flowers)

if this beacon of mine

could only become an ember in the

sweetest hearts

of my sisters

my friends with hips and boobs

i would die

i would have something of my own

we would have something of ours

we would be alone and together

we need more than one Oprah

n one Kate

n one Meryl (/ Julia)

we need more than one Steve Jobs

1 Barak

1 Emerson

we need more not anothers

i know my world does

i don’t know what to do about it exactly

live my life

is all that has came and will come

to my mind

but

as i like to think

a paradoxical life

where i am me inspiration

but still he is why i breathe

where i listen

but talk too

where i am me very own rock star

but i am also the biggest fan ever to all whom i dearly lurv

(props to Xtina)

i want to sign this all out

i think most of us won't hear

not even me

all i can say

at what i think is the ending

is

i am insecure

i am clingy

i am a contradiction

but god only knows (i luurv u da beach boys)

how much i long to change

changes

(i lurv you david bowie

and yes i have seen bandslam

so..)

i lurv you everybody

hugs