I Will Always Be Me, I Am Forever Free

7:31pm    10/23

I'm in the space between spaces

The place outside places



In the middle yet on the sideline

I watch the world corrode as I slowly walk by



Tears fall on concrete and burst into flames



Death eats away at us all, as we let him

We die more with each second feeling him pluck the strings to our souls

But we know it is not Death that we fear, so much as the dark

And in darkness we wander, unknowing the switch inside is off





There's been many times when I questioned the structure of both my sanity and reality

Wondering what it is that keeps the walls from crushing me, that prevents the sky from cracking open

What stops my being from splitting and restrains my atoms from shooting in every direction until the end of space and time



What keeps me from plunging my hand into my skull and cracking it open, to see if there truly is a god inside



But there are laws and rules, physically and metaphysically, that hold Everything together



but have you ever wanted to snap? 

Just to see what would happen



sometimes I imagine silver spears from the unknown piercing my body, going through the past of my spine and out my mouth

or invisible knives hitting air, wood, stone, and ground, taking the elements and copying them to itself





7:46

Time slides by slowly, then rushes behind your back when you're not looking

We remember bits and pieces of our lives, but never the whole story, never Everything

Though, some people can, and for them there is usually a drawback of sorts that balances them





I dig into mud and blood and pull out something dark and sharp

An onyx knife or dagger, looking like an elongated arrow-head

I go to the top of the mountain to watch the sunrise

And as the light begins to appear I stab myself between the ribs and drag the blade across my chest and arms

An insignia is carved into me

As the sun comes up I can feel the cold air flow between my bones

I sit and wait, as I bleed from each arm down the sides of the mountain







I smell something burning and can only hope it isn't cancer

I think of smoking, and possibly drinking, just to see how my night would fare from it





---Soft flesh and willingness---





You ever realize how easily it would be to torture someone with garden tools and kitchenware?

I have.



8:13

'the one who dies with the most toys is still dead'



Had some trouble lighting my bowl, but I think the cracked hole in it was more of the issue than my new zippo light that Carl gave to me as a birthday present two days ago



*Rainbows Are Free - Slow Train

http://youtu.be/ZzKhUXa2IGU






Some people get high and waste it, they do it just to pass the time

I don't.

I listen to good shit, hangout with good people, and write as damn best as I can when I'm high

And overall have a good time but isn't that everyone's goal regardless?



8:21/23

Though regrettably it can be more difficult staying focused, but that's just the price you have to pay sometimes

But when you got good beats it's a lot easier, least for me



Rainbows Are Free - Last Supper

http://youtu.be/OqCkrPs0524


- - - - - - - - - -Asteroid - Karma

http://youtu.be/8phTGH-apRQ


You know I'm actually listening to these songs on another site, so I've just been looking up the past songs I've listened to on youtube

Just so that you can come with my further on my journey



So you may be more...imprinted by my writing.

8:33

Ahh, much better

Two cold cans of Brisk and some chips with french onion dip will do me good

*Asteroid - Disappear*

http://youtu.be/D0nd5sMw1QY




You know I have to say, from the alcohol I've been drinking and stuff I've been smoking the past 4 days, sometimes I feel very..light, like not air-headed but..Almost like Acid in that everything was slightly askew (since I was slightly askew)

There's just that fluidity to everything

Like your filled with air underwater or your soul was covering your body like a shield and you were perceiving yourself through that bubble

- - - - - - - - - -

I wonder how many birds I could fill you with

- - - - - - - - - -

**Asteroid - Garden**

http://youtu.be/_ztynDwHoYc




It's as if sometimes I felt like I was in the membrane of reality,

or a significant feeling of being something smaller of something much grander



Okay, you Have to listen to this song

8:44 -*Monster Magnet - Nod Scene*-

http://youtu.be/pc9LlSsg1_Q




Wow, I think I just saw an advertisement in the middle of a movie trailer

What the fuck is this world coming to hahahaha





    A Man shouts at the top of his lungs, nothing is heard

    Silence still as it continues to the next scene of a housewife moping up a red floor

    Closeup of a man's face with his eyes closed,

-panning back to him sitting in a meditative position,

-then further to reveal him sitting in a church's aisle, blood covering the benches

-further to see pieces of people bodies stacked up and nailed to the walls

    Following A man as he walks into a theater, carrying a popcorn and drink, to a tied up audience and various men with guns, sitting next two of them and sharing his popcorn as the lights dim and a trailer begins

    .........

yeah that's all I got for now unfortunately

Stay Tuned though! :D

9:12

In the end those who accused other of insanity will lose all grasp in the end

Be it during or at the very end of their lives



I feel most of those who accuse others are usually no better themselves

9:19/25

You Gotta Let Yourself Go

-Amplifier - Amplified  99-

http://youtu.be/My0hZ24B09M




    What if everything that existed had a consciousness because there was an existential law that in order to be, it must be self-aware

   

I feel compelled to get back to borderlands, Why?

Couldn't tell ya, but we've all got to do what we've all got to do

9:30

DONT TAKE ME DOWN TO THEEEE SEVENTH SON

*-Lonely Kamel-*http://youtu.be/_20rBlKjaeU




so yeah...right after this song



10:46

and now, back to the ol' drawing board



Remember: all that seems isn't always all that means





11:02

So...the Iron Man 3 trailer looks pretty sweet

As does the newest for Django Unchained as well



Damn, I wish I wasn't running out of stuff to talk about





11:07

I'd like to think when I die that I have some say in what becomes of my soul and consciousness, though I'm well aware I may have no choice at all in the matter

As Long As I Remember Two Words, However, I Will Be Content Regardless

I AM

I am dead in the graveyard and I am alive in a church

I am in more places than one, as there is an Infinite Self

I touch what you touch and we breathe the same air

Are we not the air also? Am I not you in your skin?



There Are An Infinite Number Of Possibilities

I believe that eventually all those possibilities will come to be

Maybe not in this world, maybe in an alternate universe



But if the universe keeps expanding, and time is constantly going forward, doesn't that mean eventually,

*In Some Place And Time Or Another,

Everything Comes To Be*





Think of our world as a sphere, and with each universe there's a different version of it

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

Like an infinite number of sides to a sphere, all depending on where you are and look at it from





12:21am    10/24

Two days..And The Reunion/Birthday continues

Joy of joys, we're gonna get fuuuucked uuuup

But most importantly of all

We're gonna have fun

And we're gonna have each other

Dawwww :)





1:34

I think I may have stumbled upon something much more than what I first bargained for

Maybe that's why I'm being lazy now, because I know I wont have the chance to be for awhile

Could be..

Regardless, I'm up for just about anything, and then some







I Will Write Something So Epic, So Profound, That The Whole World Will Take Notice, And Will Be Forever Changed By It

I Will Write The Stories That Shake People's Souls, That Twist Their Minds Around Concepts They've Never Conceived

last night I was terrified I was becoming sick, fortunately after waking up and closing the window I was able to fall asleep after shivering down my dark hall to retrieve a drink

Maybe It's The Weight Of The World Pressing Down On Me Again..





1:41





Energy, light, and sound constantly hit us, and ripple across the world and space, at wavelengths we cannot detect without the aid of technology

-What we see of a star in the sky is roughly an 8 year old photo

There are constant invisible forces at work and I have no doubt we have only begun to learn of the most peaceful(/non-sentient) thus far





1:53am

is that it for tonight? or for this note for that matter?

no...not yet





_____________________________________________________





3:27pm

Home alone, not something that happens very often to me

Thinking about it if I had my own place I'd be home alone most days, unless I had roommates

And while I know plenty of friends I'd love to live with, I have this feeling that I'm suppose to live alone

Like a self-sentence of some sort



3:33

I've always needed my alone time, but I know by now that too much of it get's me sick

With my friends all going their separate ways I wonder who will be around I can still hang with and who I can't



sort of feel like a nice wake 'n bake is in order, but I'mma hold off/---well maybe just a little since the folks aren't home



3:43

Because how often can I smoke with my door open?

Never before, so that's whats what



And with *Believers In Medicine playing..

Godliness





- What if I started developing a darker side to me and whenever I blacked out I did worse and worse stuff



    Get On Your Feet Fool

    Now It's Time To Shine

   

    NOOOW YOUR ON YOUURRRR WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

    NOO MORE EXCUUSEESSS

   

- If when I turned around there were just three aliens in suits with red eyes



I want to be a bartender who comes home to an empty home some nights and writes away, or goes out and comes back after an adventure of some sort

I think..I Think that's how I want to live my life

Necessities are required to get to that point of course



-beer pong with champagne glasses (as well as champagne)



*I Had a dream including police, partying, werewolves, witches, magic(?), fighting, fucking, drugs, and guns

  - I think some of my friends may have been there but I can't remember



4:17

OH I think I just remembered a family party of sorts



Hey, before I forget let me share something I wrote earlier this after-night



    I want to take your clothes off and sink my

    teeth into your skin

    I want to claw and rip your flesh as I dive

    in and feast on your physical form

    I want to find your most sensitive spot

    and tune it to my wavelength

    I want ferocious justice in my actions

    True purity through savage lust

   

    I want to know what you're afraid of most

    And I will bring you to it, from behind a

    glass wall, and analyze it aloud so you

    may understand what you fear and

    become stronger from it

   

    I will show you how to be king of your

    world

    I only must first become the ruler of my

    own

   

    And shake reality to it's core

Pretty sick huh?

Yeah, I thought so too :)



4:30



I think it may possibly be nearing the end of this note, unless I just continue it throughout the rest of today. Putting in small parts where I see fit.

I mean, it's not like there's any fucking rush now is there? hahahah



Imagine stretching out your hand and being able to move things at will

How something like that would completely change your perception of reality and what's possible

Once you find you can bend the rules that were, you only want to find out just how flexible they are and if any of them can truly be broken



One small movement...One Giant Evolution



-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

5:54

Yummy dinner :D







So I guess the whole point of this note, according to the title is that I have freedom through the acceptance of myself and the world around me

In yet we I am also the prisoner of these things, bound by matter and mentality to this single form







For some reason I kinda want to play half life two

So...I think I'm gonna try and get the rest of the achievements for it

Don't get me wrong I LOVE Borderlands 2, but sometimes...you just need something different for a change





9:18

Well I think that's enough adventure time with Gordan Freeman for now



AAAAAAANNNNDDDDD I think it's time to end this note

I think..

Damnit, I can never be certain of these things, always, ALWAYS, Have to second guess



But I can't think of anything else

_________________________          _______________________          __________________________

Heavy Breathing

*pant*

*pant*

*pant*

'There Is No Escape...'

mad trumpets blow along with ivory keys and heated strings

Violins made of bone play a wicked humming while scenes of various scenarios play one after the other, within the span of a few seconds

-A plane on fire descends from the sky heading straight toward a small town

-A soldier sits on the edge of his bed while his lover sleeps, looking down at a gun in his hand

-Large crowds swarm the capitals of the world, leaning on their leaders for answers, some without patience, rushing in to demand action is made, through blood and flame

-A person on their knees looks at a huge smoking dark orb before them within an arctic tundra

-Blood trickles down from a tree as numerous people are impaled by it's branches

-In a desert a group of travelers see a large moving serpent in the distance, only for it to quickly disappear into the sand and vanish













































9:48

    'Death will hide me

    Death will I seek your understanding

    Yeah I shall return with the tide

    Yes I will return, will return

    Yeah I will return, return with the tide'

Lonely Kamel - The Prophet

http://youtu.be/9btNqB8or5A






You ever notice when you're reading or watching a movie, that it never really occurs to you that it's not real

Because you become so immersed and absorbed that you actually forget about the rest of reality around you



You cease to care or acknowledge weather it is fictitious or not

While you read, while you watch, while you're Here, you're not There anymore



That's the magic of storytelling

That's true magic in itself



And even when you write, at times, you forget everything else completely

You Become your writing, you are merely the translator between thought and word



Because In The End, All That Is Real, Is What Is Experienced