Changing Ways

I woke one Saturday morning, later than usual. It was about eleven o’clock to be exact. I went down stairs to find my little sister, Ashley, sitting at the table eating her cereal, that she ate every morning.
“Where are mom and dad,” I had asked.
“I found this note from them on the counter,” she said handing the note to me. “It says that they went to the store to buy some groceries and that they will be back later.”
I read the note quickly, noting that mom scribbled it down probably as they were about to walk out the door. I had then went to the cupboard and got out a protein bar before proceeding to out weight room for my morning workout. As I worked out I thought about school. I had some homework to do that weekend but I planned on putting that off until Sunday night after my hockey practice. That’s when there was a knock on the door. That’s when my life changed forever.
My parents had always told me and my sister not to open the door to strangers but when I looked outside there was a police officer. I opened the door and told him my parents weren’t home. He replied, “There has been an accident this morning. Your parents are currently in a critical condition. I’ve been sent to bring you to the hospital to see them.” Ashley came to the door asking what the officer wanted. I sat her down and told her that mom and dad weren’t coming home right now but we were going to go see them.
As we arrived at the hospital I had a bad feeling. We were directed to a room where a nurse told us that our parents were being rushed to surgery and that they were going to be ok but all we could do was wait. An hour later the doctor came out of the operation with the news. Our parents were gone. I sat there in a stunned silence, unable to believe that they were gone. Ashley started crying for them to come back. Within no time we were being whisked away to some government agency. They asked of relatives and friends and where we wanted to live. Ashley and I just sat there in silence still shocked at what had happened. Finally it was decided that we would live in the care of foster parents chosen by the state. As we were saying our goodbyes to our friends and family in the area my sister and I both looked at our life and hoped that nothing could get worse. As Ashley was taken away from me I realized for the first time that we would not be together. She screamed for me and I screamed back but our cries were not heard.
Three months later
Another government lady came to collect me at the foster care agency that I have been being sent back to every time that something happens. This time the parents thought that it was my fault that their son started to smoke so they kicked me out in an instant. Not that I cared that much; I hated their son and the parents treated me like I was dying or something. The lady said this time that they had found a really nice family for me to stay with. They had a daughter about my age and they had had a couple of foster kids in the past. As we pulled up to their house I sighed. This is probably going to be no different than any of the other houses that I had been to in the last three months I thought. The lady asked what was wrong but I just replied nothing. A few moments after ringing the door bell a blond girl probably about the same age as me answered the door.
“Mom, the foster lady is here!” she shouted upstairs to her mother apologizing for making us wait for her mother. “Come in,” she invited and I slowly stepped in.
Her mom, coming down the stairs, said “You must be Matt,” obviously pleased to meet me. “This is Lily, my daughter. Lily show Matt to his room while I talk to Margret,” she commanded. She started to quickly talk to the lady standing next to me like an old friend. They went into the other room leaving me and Lily alone.
“Your room is upstairs,” said Lily. “Come on I’ll show you.” I couldn’t help but notice that she was extremely friendly just like her mother and very good looking. She was a little bit shorter than I was but not by much. As we walked up the stairs she talked of how they had had other foster kids but they were all older and moved out within a year. She was excited to have someone around who was her own age. She helped me unpack then excused herself to her room her blonde hair bouncing behind her as she went. I hoped that this would work out.
Three months later
I stood in the door of my room at my foster house. This was the fifth house that I had been to in three months. It seemed to me like no one wanted to keep a sixteen year old kid who had been through as much as I did. My foster mother Mrs. Easton had promised that she would not kick me out like the previous people did, but I still had my doubts. My foster sister Lily had been very nice to me but it seemed like everyone was in the beginning. I thought about running away like I had done at the last home but I knew that they would find me again and take me back to another home. I had been talking to Ashley lately and she seemed to be doing ok. The home that she was in had kept her for the whole length of her stay so far and there have not been any conflicts or fights. I am glad that she is not in the same situation as me because I know that she would have a tough time getting through jumping from home to home like I have been. It also sounds like school is going better for her than it is for me. In school I avoid people. Everyone says they understand but no one actually knows what I am going through.
In school I still have no friends although I haven’t really tried. My only friend now is Lily but I feel like even we are now pulling apart. The other day a kid in school was saying stuff about my parents. I got in a fight. Not to brag but I am bigger and stronger than most kids my age so it wasn’t much of a fight but now it feels like people are trying to pick fights with me just to see if they can beat me up. Today a kid came to me looking for a fight. I tried to shove him off and ignore him but he finally said something that made me snap. He mentioned Lily. He said that she did not actually want to be around me and that she hated me. I knew this wasn’t true but I couldn’t take I punched him right there on the sidewalk. He tried to fight back but I kept hitting him until he couldn’t go any longer. I looked over to the right and saw Lily staring at me in horror. “How, how could you.” Lily stammered trying not to cry unsuccessfully.
“Lily, I…,” I tried to stammered out an explanation but none came to me.
“I don’t want to hear it,” Lily said leaving.
The boy next to me tried to make a grab for me but it was unsuccessful as I grabbed his arm and threw him to the ground. I then walked away from the group of kids too and went to try and find Lily.
When I got home she was in her room but I couldn’t face her right away. I waited for a little while in my room but finally I decided that I had to face her. I knocked on her door but when in her room and sat down on her bed next to her before I got an answer fearing that she would not let me come in at all. “Why?” Lily asked with tears in her eyes.
I didn’t realize how hurt she was that I had gotten into a fight. “Lily I’m sorry. You didn’t need to see that.” I tried to explain.
“Then why do it then?” she asked clearly dissatisfied with my answer.
“I had to,” I tried to explain, “You wouldn’t understand Lily. No one ever understands anything.”
“No you didn’t!” she shouted getting angry all of a sudden.
“He was talking about you Lily,” I said trying to justify the fight in my own mind as well as in hers.
“So you fought him,” Lily asked still obviously not forgiving me for what had happened.
I looked at her; sorry for what I had done but still believing that it was justified.”Lily he wouldn’t stop, so I had to make him.”
She stared at me. She was still angry but was beginning to calm down a bit. “Ignore him then. You’re sixteen Matt; it’s time to grow up.”
I was shocked that she believed that. I thought she would be happy that I stood. Instead she was angry and thought that I had to grow up. “Lily…” was all that I could manage to get out.
“Do you not know how much that bothered me, or how much that upset me?” She said getting angry again.
I didn’t realized how much it had hurt her. Then all of a sudden she burst into tears which panicked me. “Why are you crying?” I asked trying at the same time to calm her down.
She looked at me and tried to stop crying but could not. “Because I don’t want to lose you,” she said.
“What you mean lose me?” I asked baffled by what she was saying. I didn’t know what she was talking about.
She looked up at me and said, “If you get caught fighting, you could be moved to another foster home. Matt, can you just do one thing for me?”
Of course I would promise her something. In fact I would probably promise her anything as long as it made her happy. “Yeah, what is it?” I asked.
“Promise me that you will stop fighting,” she said knowing that I would promise it.
“Okay, but I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal,” I said trying to understand why this was making her so distressed.
“If you lived through what I have, you would be making a big deal too,” she said walking out of my room.
I sat there in a stunned silence when Lily’s mom got home and called us to dinner. At dinner I thought long and hard about the promise that I had made to Lily. I finally decided that to make her happy I would keep the promise. The next day I decided that I had to talk to her. I went over what I was going to say for an hour before I finally walked into her room.
“Hey Lil, if you’re not still angry can you come to my room so we can talk?” I asked and left before she had time to say no. A minute later she came into my room and sat next to me on my bed. “Lily, I’m so sorry,” I said hoping that she would know that I was truly sincere.
“Why are you sorry?” she asked.
“Because I really hurt you. When I saw you crying, that tore me apart. I just, I just want to make things right.” I said trying not to get emotional.
“You’re right, you did hurt me.” She said walking out of my room. I was shocked I didn’t realize how mad she still was at me and I was just about to run after her when she reappeared at my door holding something.
I waited for her to say something but when she didn’t I decided I had to. “What’s that?” I asked and as I did she came over and sat a picture on my bed. It was Lily with an older guy and two younger men. The man looked the same age as Lily’s mom and the younger two looked to both be about 18. “Who are these people in the picture?” I asked already guessing that I might have an answer. I looked up at her to see that she had started to cry.
“That’s me with my dad and my two older brothers,” she answered choking back her tears as she thought of them.
“Where are they and why haven’t I met them yet Lil?” I asked hoping that the answer that I had thought of was not the right one.
“Because, they’re gone. Me and Nick, my oldest brother, were really close. We did everything together, until he was deployed. Everything changed that day. Right before he left, he promised me that he would make it home, and he said he wouldn’t leave me,” She explained trying again not to cry.
“What do you mean deployed?” I asked again already knowing the answer.
“He was a marine, and he was sent to Iraq. We talked to each other every day, until I got a call that wasn’t from my brother,” she said trying not to think of that day.
I felt my heart drop. I was hoping that nothing had happened and that her brother just wasn’t home yet but I quickly suspected that was not true. “Who was it from then?” I asked.
“It was his commander,” she replied and she got a look on her face like she was not there anymore. Like she was somewhere else in her mind. She told me of how her brother had stayed by during a mission to protect his men. She told me of when he went to leave he stepped on an IED that had been placed behind. “I just want my brother back,” she managed to choke out. I didn’t know what to do so I went over and hugged her just holding her tight. “After what happened, Sam and I had become close, not as close as me and Nick were, but close.” She explained tears springing to her eyes again.
“What happened to Sam?” again hoping I was wrong.
“He was taken away too,” she cried jumping back into my arms. After a few minutes she explained “It had been six months we lost Nick, and Sam and I were closer than ever before, until yet another low blow hit me.”
I was puzzled by what she meant. “What do you mean another low blow?” I asked.
“Sam was in the Navy, special forces…” Lily told me.
“So he was a Seal?” I asked shocked.
“Yes he was, and a damn good one too. He was deployed in the middle of 2009, six months after Nick’s funeral. We didn’t know where he was going or when he would be back. We weren’t allowed to know anything.” She explained trying not to cry again
“Oh my…” I replied understanding the pain that she must have gone through.
“I got a call from Sam saying that he was going to be coming home in three weeks. I was so excited!” She said clearly remembering everything like it was yesterday.
“Then where is he?” I asked still confused.
“It was a week before he was supposed to come home, when there was knock on the door. I went over and opened the door, and standing at the door were two men in military uniforms, they were holding something.” She explained looking as if she was still there that day.
“What were they holding?” I asked again not understanding what she was saying.
Her bottom lip quivered as she said “Sam’s dog tags.” She burst into tears for the third time that night. I held her tight as she sobbed. “I lost him too. First Nick was taken from me, then Sam. I had no one.”
“Where was your dad?” I asked.
“He left.” She said.
“What do you mean, he left?” I asked surprised by what she was saying.
“He couldn’t handle losing two of his kids. I tried to call him, but he would never answer them,” She said heartbroken. I was shocked by this and it clearly showed on my face.
“Did he ever call you or talk to you?” I asked trying to understand why he would do this.
“No. Never. He wanted nothing to do with me or my mom,” Lily explained calming down a little bit. I thought it might be good for her to be talking about all of this.
“What a jerk,” I said wondering how a father could do something like that to his daughter.
“It’s been six years since I last talked to him. Now, I’ve pushed it out of mind and don’t think about it at all,” she told me.
We sat in her room for a couple of minutes continuing to talk to each other when the front door opened and Mrs. Easton stood holding groceries. Lily and I rushed to help her. Her mom started to make dinner when she was inside. Lily and I waited until dinner was done. After dinner Lily and I went upstairs allowing Mrs. Easton and Lily’s step father to talk alone. I went to my room and Lily went to hers. After a while I went into her room to find her singing the striped sweater song from SpongeBob. I almost lost it, laughing so hard until I was almost crying. When she was done I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk.
We went outside and went for a walk not really going to any place in particular just walking together. I broke the silence by saying “I think I should open up to you.”
“And why’s that Matt?” Lily asked.
“Because you opened up to me so…” I tried to explain.
“Matt you don’t…” Lily said not trying to make me uncomfortable.
“Yes I do Lily. If I am living in your house you need to know a bit about me. There’s a reason why I’m here. I don’t have parents. That’s why I’m here.” I explained to Lily.
“What happened to your parents?” She asked.
“There, there was a…” I almost chocked up trying not to cry. “There was a car accident.” I started to cry embarrassed by what was happening. “When we got to the hospital, they were being rushed into surgery and were in critical condition.” I was crying harder than I had ever cried before. I was letting all of my bent up anger out. “Why did they have to be taken away from me?” Lily came over came hugged me trying to return the favor that I had done earlier.
“All that matters is that you’re here, Matt,” Lily told me.
“But I would have done anything to have them here today. I just wish that I was there instead of them,” I said trying to explain my feelings from the accident.
“Don’t say that, Matt. You couldn’t have done anything to change what happened. You didn’t do anything wrong. Matt, you need to stop blaming yourself for something you couldn’t control.” She said trying to reason with me.
“I know, but I can’t help it,” I said.
“After my brothers died, I blamed myself for it, and then when Dad left, I blamed myself for that too, and still do. It’s called the past for a reason. It was there to make us stronger and help us heal. All you can do is keep moving forward and don’t look back,” Lily said.
“You know Lily; you really have a way with words.” I said laughing about it. She was making me feel better already. We continued to walk for almost an hour. On the way home I grabbed Lily’s hand and held onto her. I turned Lily to face me and said what I had wanted to tell her for a long time. “Lily, I really like you, and was wondering if… well I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me.”
She looked surprised and blushed. “Yes, of course.”