Life As I Know It

I was watching the game when Emily walked into the room.

“Honey,” she said, “we’ve got to talk.”

“Okay,” I replied, watching as a pass floated to the end zone from a quarterback who was getting tackled on a fourth-and-nine play.

At that instant, the TV vanished from sight.

“What the . . .” I said, and then turned to look at Emily.

“Dear, I’m not really your wife,” she said. “You’ve never had a wife, this house doesn’t exist, and your life as you know it is just an illusion.”

Suddenly, Emily transformed into a hideous, mutated beast. I screamed, jumped out of my chair, and stumbled backward. Then, the chair quickly dissolved into a floor that became a desert of red sand and the walls of the house melted into an alien, green-hued landscape. Stunned, I listened to Alien Emily explain.

“You were the only person to survive an epidemic that wiped out the human race. I observed from a distant star then decided to come to Earth to check it out.”

“Huh?” I mumbled, wide-eyed.

“I found you unconscious but instead of waking you up I implanted illusions in your head, making you feel like you have been living a normal life ever since. But now I’m bored with this role you’re living. Care to choose another?”

I stared at where the TV used to be.

“Can I be a wide receiver in the NFL?”

“Sure.”

I caught the fourth-and-nine pass and won the game.