Hot Tuesday

A musty hot veil of perspiration shrouded the entire city on the hottest day of the year. Ice cubes, ­frozen gold­ would sizzle and pop shortly after being dropped, the polar opposite effect of an Alaskan wonderland. The odor the heat gave off was even more prevalent than the smell of the engine exhaust coming from the outside of well conditioned cars.

There were no female joggers out today, but there were several ambitious teenage males still anxiously waiting on the steps of houses, with their binoculars at the ready to aid their perverse eyes. Even the unfortunate street animals refused to prowl and instead choose to find refuge in shady allies, hiding alongside the dealers of contraband, who even refuse to wear their waistcoats. A homeless man might as well be William Gates himself if he had access to a leaky water pipe. The heat advisory had left several small businesses emptied as most everyone refused to go to work.

I however, had to go to work, and once there I discovered I was the only one who had shown up. Not even Edward’s Red sedan was parked in the company lot. The automated Pepsi Machine had been out of order for a week, so there was no relief of my thirst. I jabbed the key into the old doorknob, hoping the metal had not expanded from the sweltering heat surrounding me. The door scraped against a large letter “r” that fell from the company sign. The sign had originally depicted “Gray’s Communications.” I went inside without the kindness for picking up my boss’s lost letter.

         Thankfully I was inside now, and away from the suffering people who dared to run any errands through the scorching sun. Despite being inside my boss had strict regulations on the thermostat, and the lazy good-for-nothing had refused to come in today. A vision of him wallowing about in a freshly raked pile of dollar bills forced its way into my mind. I countered the jealous thought by replacing it with the though of him crying at the sight of this month’s electricity bill, along with an informative pamphlet regarding poor worker’s conditions.

I approached the precious temperature changing dial as if it were the apple of knowledge itself. I slowly reached for the dial, and jabbed my finger into it, hopefully not triggering any alarms. I emanated the same smile that my three year old son got when he did something he wasn’t to be doing. I cruelly twisted and jerked the knob erratically left and right, savoring the moment. Settled on turning the heat to read 46 degrees Fahrenheit remembering the bulky jacket I accidentally left in the building last winter.

Every now and then I would poke an eye through the blinds, to reassure myself the trees had not caught fire. A few hours passed, and not a single phone rang, nor did anyone come to visit. Bored, I looked for ways to entertain myself. When rapidly flicking the light switch failed, I went to my boss’s desk and created a war between his knickknacks. My favorite part of the war was when I drew a dinosaur on my Boss's favorite pink eraser and loudly roared, plowing it into his mug of pencils. I decided to stop when I accidentally dropped a “Favorite Boss” snow globe. I had only managed to kill time for about an hour, when things became to grow dull again.

I remembered there was an intercom hidden inside His Lordship’s office. I decided to take it upon myself to discover the lost treasure. I pried open his unlocked drawers and felt around the inside for anything unusual. After pulling out a few paper clips and dead insects, I gave up. I looked for it in places I would have easily missed, and finally found a set of buttons underneath his ceramic bowl of old people candy. I loudly spoke into every office of the building, uttering several profanities, and mispronouncing all the “X” words in the Webster’s dictionary.

My brain caught something that only my eyes had perceived earlier, just as my shift ended. I was about to clock out, when I noticed how the calendar incorrectly displayed that today was Tuesday. But that was preposterous. It was Wednesday of course. I wouldn't show up on a day nobody worked. There were papers littered on the floor, broken pencil halves, yanked cords, and every painting in the building was tilted slightly. Then I noticed the things that happened today. The Calendar! It said it was Tuesday! But it was Wednesday! It had to be! I didn’t work Tuesday, no one did.

I settled the dispute by calling the weather number and abhorrently confirmed it to be Tuesday. I looked around the place again. It was already in shambles before I got here, but now… Now my boss would have yelled less if I had removed three walls.

“What am  I going to do?!” I panicked as I searched for a way out of the predicament. I would lose my job if my boss found out I did this. Sure, we lost our security cameras last month, but I still put in my punch card.

         My eyes turned to sevens when I found my resolve. Glancing down at my punch card, I noticed that It was not my own. It was Jason’s Card. What Luck! I smiled, popped the card into the machine for the second time, and left, with a wide grin on my face. Sorry Jason my friend, but you’re definitely not getting that promotion you asked for. I walked outside, and whistled on my way home.