Capital E

When fingers entwine
And you feel complete
You indulge on wines
A taste so bitter when lips soon meet
You feel confused, but found, lost, but required
Hated, but loved, loathed, but admired
One person to make your heart feel whole
Who makes you feel of purpose
Safety over her and preserve her perfection your only goal
And not to look like a freak of the circus

Butterflies consume your stomach
And foolishness your mind
All your fears begin to plummet
And not a problem you could find

Though you let this go way too soon
You left her dead and done
Whilst she cried in the dead of noon
You felt like taking up a gun
Realizing what you did was cruel no less
To make her feel like you have so many times over
A immoral, never-ending depress
So I wish I had've pulled the trigger
Let the bullet fly
Nowadays I am so eager
To drop down and fucking die.

A capital E for the start of her name
A name of which you still desire
But you can never have her back at all
You've fell into burning fire

You lost your chance so long ago
That time is up and done
No longer do the butterflies flow
They're now dead, dust and none

You feel hollow, lost and hurt inside
From the pain you nonstop feel
A death awaits you at the noose
A heart that'll never heal
You lost yourself so long ago
And now you hate the world
No love no happiness, nothing to show..

- This poem is dedicated to an ex of mine, whom out of many, was the only one I ever truly loved.
My foolish and childish ways ended up with me leaving her and making one of the worst mistakes I had ever made.
And amongst all my problems, all the hurt and pain I've ever felt she still emerges into my mind, I feel it's a way of my conscience laughing at me for my stupidity, mocking me for being so fucking foolish of letting her go as she was the only one who ever completely understood me.
A'las we make mistakes and thus it's time to move on, as has she done so.
I'm forever alone regardless of any further notions.
My only desire a blade to my throat if anything.
But a promise I'm struggling to keep to another person whom is no longer here.
So I have to suffer each day and more.