In Love With The Wrong Guy Chapter 3

         Mom arrived at home about six at night, and it had already gone dark. I helped her bring in the grocery bags to the kitchen and unload them. Mom planned to cook Macaroni and Cheese, so it wasn’t really such a hard job helping her. We just had to boil the macaroni and sliced hotdogs, and you know the rest.

         Mom served dinner right after we finished cooking. We sat and had Macaroni and Cheese. There was silence in the atmosphere aside from the dinging of our forks with the plates as we ate. Mom clearly had so much in mind. She never even had the time to smirk or ask about school. She was most likely tired, having gone through two jobs per day, but she goes to only one during Sundays. I thought I didn’t want to be separated from mom in any way; even that small round table between us made me feel distant. I thought I should talk to her. Maybe she needed somebody to talk, too.

         “Mom.” I said, trying to see how she’d react while her eyes were glued to table. She finally looked at me and gave me a smile, trying to reassure me that nothing was wrong. Well, I believed the impression she gave me.

         “Yeah? What’s up?” she kinda’ panicked. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Have I not been paying attention to you lately ‘coz I’ve been really full lately?”

         “It’s okay, mom.” I smiled back. I wanted to reassure her that everything was fine, too. “I understand your plate’s been full.”

         “I’m sorry, darling. It was just really exhausting at work.” Mom wiped her mouth after she grabbed a bite. It was still really cruel to see mom waste her energy in so much work when she wouldn’t allow me to get a job. She insisted that I just stay home and focus on study while she always went home really exhausted.

         “If you’d just let me get a jo-”

         “I told you not to!” Mom stopped me like she knew I was going to say that. Well, she wasn’t really mad. She just loudened her voice so I wouldn’t talk. “We had this conversation before. We’re not talking about it again.”

         I thought I’d just shut up, and I did. Mom never looked back again, her eyes glued to her plate. I couldn’t eat. I had too much trouble in my mind. I really wanted to kick dad’s ass that night.

         “Look, honey. We can make it through this.” Mom looked back to me. I was sure mom said that to reassure me again. “We saved enough, haven’t we? We’ve already earned enough money you’re your college expenses.”

         “Yeah. No thanks to dad.” I said, completely mocking my father. “He’s been a real help.”

         “Honey.” Mom called to me again, but she never said anything next. She probably couldn’t come up with something good about dad to counter what I said, but I didn’t want to say that; mom could have gotten angry because of that.

         “Fine, mom.” I just agreed. “I also understand that dad has a new family now. And if he prioritized us, his new family would get tighter.”

         “Yeah.” Mom agreed, too. I just thought of saying something positive.

         “But we can do this, right?” I said with a smile. “I mean, we’ve got this far with just the two of us. What’s another five years?”

         “That’s right.” Mom chuckled and somehow sniffed. I didn’t know if a tear shed in her eye, but if there was, I was sure I could have really kicked dad’s ass.

         It took me moments to talk again, but I did. I thought I’d talk about something else. “So, mom.”

         She hummed loud and fast. “Yeah?”

         “I wanted to ask you something.” Haven’t guessed what I was gonna ask? -the one man that kept popping in my mind.

         “What?”

         I took a deep breath. I never really talked about love, so I didn’t know what reaction or expression to give. I just said it. “How do you know when you’re in love?”

         Mom stopped chewing for a second. She probably was shocked that I suddenly came up with that question. Mom found that funny and had a few giggles as she talked. “Why? Are you in love?”

         “No.” I laughed. “I just want to know what it’s like.”

         “Oh!” Mom exclaimed excitedly. “In that case, I have so much to tell you.”

         “Why? Did you fall in love so many times?”

         “No, honey.” She shook her head, smiling. “Your dad was my first love. And he’s probably the last.”

         “Oh.” In a way, I was disgusted with my dad. To think that my mother actually fell in love with that ‘A’-hole, but I just respected mom’s feelings. I didn’t know about all this because I never asked. It took so many years for mom to recover from the divorce, and I didn’t know when the right time to ask was. “You fell in love with him a lot of times?”

         “Practically, yes.” She said. “Apparently, I fell in love with him many times because we broke up a lot of times since we were in high school. Yes, I’ve known your father for a really long time.”

         “If you two were so in love for so long, why didn’t it work out?”

         “It doesn’t always work like that, dear.” She said. “I was the only one in love. Your father always had other girls in his interest. I don’t even think he really loved me.

         I was silent. I didn’t know what to say, but I definitely wanted to curse my father that night. My hands were clenching. How could he do that to my mom who did nothing but show her family love like no other?!!! I wanted to shout, but I didn’t. I guess my mom loved him too much that she’d defend him even when he’s no right.

         “Your father had affairs even when we were married.” Mom continued. “I had always noticed it, but I never said a thing. I didn’t want him to get mad. So, it became really bad. Your father got to the point that he’d flirt with women right in front of my face.”

         “You should have done something.”

         “Yes, I did.” Her voice sounded a bit lonelier, tone of a cry. “But it was too late. The same night I approached him was the night he asked me to get a divorce because he said I was an insufficient wife.”

         “How dare that bitch say that!” I reacted. Literally, my head was boiling.

         “Well, maybe I was.” She chuckled even when her eyes were getting watery. “You know, I hadn’t filled his sexual appetite back then because I was disgusted. I didn’t know how many women he banged, and I just didn’t want to be one of them even if I’m his wife.”

         “It’s not your fault, mom.” I said. “He’s a real crap husband.”

         “Yeah. I know.” She wiped her tears. “Love is not always meant to be given by the person you give it to.”

         “I’m so not getting married.” I kidded. Somehow, it would sound true having heard that from me.

         “Why? Are you failing to impress your crush in school?”

         “What?” I panicked and blushed right away. It seemed a little obvious that I had a crush. “I don’t have a crush! You should know that’s impossible!”

         “It’s not dear.” She smiled. “I was like you once. I never liked guys. I thought I was a lesbian. But the time came when I met a guy, and I just knew that I love him. It could happen in a second.”

         “I thought love at first sight wasn’t real.”

         “Well, yeah.” She laughed. “There is just like at first sight, but maybe you can tell whether you’ll grow to love him or not.”

         “That sounds so complicated.” I kidded and laughed with mom.

         “Love always is.” She continued laughing.

         “But it sucks.” I said. Then, a sight of Winnie and Alexander together came to my head. “What if the person you love can never love you back?”

         “That is why you can love more than once.”

         “You mean like dad?”

         “No.” she said. “You can love again, but not love two at once. That’s just messed up.”

         “Oh.” I reacted. I wondered if such a thing is possible with me and Alexander.

         “If you’re going to fall in love, I suggest you do it with your mind.” She said. I hear a lot of people say that before. Do people really lose their cool when they fall in love?

         Mom’s words lingered in my head for the rest of the night. I thought of how it would have been different if it was me and alexander from it was mom and dad. I actually believed it was impossible for us to be together after all the women she met, not to mention Winnie was flirting with him. I have been taught to never give up in karate classes, but I didn’t know about love. I wasn’t even sure how it was to be in love. I didn’t know if it was the weird feeling I get towards Alexander. I just met him a day before, and he had been such a trend to me.

         I wondered about Nick. How could he react to it if ever I was in love with Alexander? Would it be considered cheating or whatever? I didn’t know. Some parts of me were telling me to back away because I didn’t want to hurt Nick, but I couldn’t help it. Most of me was telling not to back off. I wanted to outmatch Winnie. I wanted to beat her even if we were close friends. I thought if it was a matter of the heart, everyone should see it worth fighting for. I was kept from sleeping that night, thinking if ever I was to end up like mom one day. But I figured that wasn’t the point to why she’s my mom. She’s my mom so I’d be something different, and I was not about to let her down.



         The next morning that came was brilliant! I was feeling all well. My class was eight o’clock, which was the earliest, but I had the motivation to go to school early. As soon as I got conscious, one face came to my mind: Alexander. That pushed me to move quickly, eat early, and drive really fast. For the first time, I actually wanted to go to school. After hearing what mom told me the night before, I wanted to see Alexander as soon as possible. I wanted to be around him again. I didn’t know what that feeling was exactly. I thought money was supposed to make everyone happy. So, why was that feeling taking over me like I wanted to just fly on the horizon? Were the ideas I have learned for the past eighteen years not the answers I actually needed?

         I didn’t know. Mom noticed my very rare enthusiasm, so she lent me her car again. I got to school just six minutes before my class actually starts; usually, I’d be late for half an hour. I walked really fast in the campus, up to the room. I went with the hallway traffic, and I didn’t care. The bullies that usually hit the books I always brought so I’d drop them; they did again. They teased me along the way again. But I didn’t have time for that. I picked up the books as they laughed at me. I didn’t show them any expression –no happiness because of my excitement and no anger about the bullies. I tried my best to get to class as early as fast as I could.

         As I was walking on the hallway to the room, I noticed Nick had passed by me, and he stopped. I had the impression that he was going to call my attention, but I just continued on my way to the room. I tried to walk faster so he wouldn’t catch up to me.

         “Liyah!” he called.

          I tried to walk faster so I could have had a reason to ignore him, but he tried to scoot in through the crowd. Yes, I saw the shadow from the back of my sight. I just hurried to the room. Nick stopped rushing to me as soon as he realized I was in a hurry, too. I got to the classroom, but when I had a glimpse of Alexander talking with someone inside as his back was towards me, I panicked and walked back right away. I didn’t know why. He had not seen me, so I felt like I needed an entrance that would catch his attention. I rushed and hid beside the door outside the room. That was when I realized that I forgot that Nick was behind me. Nick stopped, too, and looked at me weird. I felt embarrassed, and my stomach felt incredibly warm again. I was inclining my back on the wall and looked like there was obviously something that kept me from coming inside the room.

         “Are you okay?” Nick asked. That was when Nick realized I was blushing. “Why is your face all red?”

         “What?” I panicked. My eyes widened. I held my cheek with my palm. “My face isn’t turning red!”

         “Are you blushing?” his tone wasn’t really like how Laura always says it. It wasn’t a teasing tone and definitely not pleased.

         “I am not blushing!” I completely denied. Of course, I wasn’t pleased that he saw that, too.

         Nick leaned and took a look at the room, and I didn’t know what he saw, but when he stood normally again, he gave me a concerned look. I was sure he wouldn’t be happy if he knew I had a crush on Alexander. Nick just stared at me, trying to see my reaction. I couldn’t do anything. I would have seemed a lot guiltier if I denied it.

         “What?!” I was driving him away. He took that hint and just walked away. He walked differently then, like he had something heavy in his mind.

         Damn, that was a problem to me, too! I didn’t want Nick to think I had a crush on Alexander! I didn’t know what to do. I felt completely glued to the wall with a thousand of thoughts in my mind. People who were crossing past me were totally laughing of my reaction and giving me a really weird look. I was experiencing the horrors of that situation when I didn’t realize that Alexander was peeking at me from the door.

         “Liyah, what are you doing?” he asked. I was wonder-struck. I faced him, and his face was like a foot from me. Of course, I was craving to kiss him as he smiled at me.

         “Alex!” I exclaimed with excitement, smiling like never.

         “Wow.” He laughed. “No one calls me that.”

         “Really?” I just smiled. I mean, my stomach was like boiling, and my hands were scratching the wall. I could have shouted my excitement that moment. “Not even your parents?”

         “No.” he laughed. He walked completely out of the door, and then I saw him completely. He hid his hands in his pockets which was really cute to me. “Everyone calls me Sander.”

         “Okay!” I said, still smiling. “But I’ll still call you Alex! It sounds less hostile that way!”

         “Is that so?” he laughed. I promise it was really cute for me! “Sander is just actually that thing they use with sandpapers.”

         “That’s rough, Alex.” I said, and we both laughed about it. I didn’t know where I got that joke. I just suddenly had it. Was I that enthusiastic whenever I was with Alexander? After laughing, we just sorta’ waited for each other to say something. I wondered if I was still blushing. If I was, I would have exploded. Well, he hadn’t really said, so-…

         “So, what are you doing here?” he asked. I didn’t know what to say. I panicked again and felt nervous. I was saying ‘uh’, thinking of what to say. When it got too long enough, I just came up with something to say.

         “Just hanging around with the wall!” Oh, crap! Why the heck did I say that? I got a lot more nervous. Alexander was looking at me like it was hilarious. He just smiled.

         “Seriously?” he laughed again.

         “It’s nothing.” I said with a weak voice. “Sorry.”

         I couldn’t lie to Alexander again. I thought he might not like it, and I didn’t want to make it bad, so I walked around Alexander, into the room. Alexander kept his sight on me as I walked past him and ended our conversation.

         “Sorry for what?” Alexander chuckled because it seemed a little weird. He probably noticed that I was hiding something. I stopped walking when he asked.

         “It’s nothing. Sorry, I was just being weird. “See ‘ya.”

         “Okay?” he chuckled. “See ‘ya, too.”

         Then, I continued walking. Oh crap again! Why the heck was I not thinking right again?! It was good that Alexander found that funny, but it could have been also humiliating. He probably thought I was some weirdo. And why did I end our conversation?! I mean, he was a guy that I loved to talk to even forever! I never turned around to see Alexander again. I feared that he could have figured that I somehow liked him. It’s not that I didn’t want him to know. It’s just that I didn’t know what to do when that happens. Alexander probably greeted someone else after I ditched him. As soon as I sat on my chair, I felt like I wanted to bump my head on the chair desk a couple of times. I thought that was a good way to get Alexander’s attention and concern, but I would just seem more weird. My mind was rumbling. I didn’t know what to feel. I was excited and frustrated at the same time. I was getting dizzy.

         The weirdest thing came up to me: the class was quite a disaster in my head. It just passed by, and I wasn’t paying attention. I kept on turning my head to Alexander. I was trying to see what his reaction was to my ditch. He didn’t seem mad or anything. He actually just seemed normal. I thought maybe I wasn’t even important to worry, or maybe I just didn’t leave that kind of impression on him. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to approach him as soon as the class finished, but I thought I would seem impulsive, so I didn’t. I just tried my best to not think about Alexander the whole session of English, but I couldn’t. I didn’t turn to see him anymore, but what happened was I daydreamed instead. I thought of several scenarios where my reaction with Alexander’s question wasn’t a ditch, and I definitely wished for just one of them to come true. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t able to concentrate on the essay that the English teacher assigned us, so I didn’t pass my unfinished work. Somehow, writing essays wasn’t really my thing. I didn’t know a thing about what I was feeling. Why couldn’t I forget about Alexander? I was sure it was not his appearance that I found as cute. I thought it was the whole him. Maybe I was attracted to everything about him. Was that the feeling of love? I was getting anxious, and I couldn’t stop thinking.

         All I did was repeat some lyrics in my mind. The lyrics is from a song of MoZella. I used to listen to it back at my sophomore year. I always had my ears plugged in music as I peddled my bicycle to school. The song ‘Can’t Stop’ just wouldn’t lay off my mind like it was telling me something.

         “You speak to my soul like you’ve known it before, and I just can’t stop.”



         I was shocked the whole class. I wasn’t able to think well until the bell rang. Everyone started taking off from their chairs and started to leave. Of course, the teacher said her reminders, but I didn’t have the right mind that time to actually remember what she said. I was still sitting on my chair, glued even when everyone was heading out. I couldn’t move or turn around. I didn’t want to see Alexander’s reaction or feedback or anything. I felt like I screwed up with something big. Everyone passed their paper works on the teacher’s desk and headed out. When they were all gone except for the teacher, she gave me a weird look.

         “Can I help you with something, Liyah?” she asked probably because I looked startled, staring down.

         “What?” I gave my attention back to her. I honestly didn’t hear what she said. “I’m sorry?”

         “What are you so stoned about?” she laughed. I felt nervous. I didn’t want her to figure out about my feelings for Alexander. I wanted no one to find out, not even mom.

         “Really? I was?”

         “Yeah.” She said. “You were like that the whole period.”

         “Oh.” It was good that she didn’t call to my attention during the class. Alexander could have found it weird. I just thought that I’d leave since I didn’t really have any business and since Alexander had already left. I grabbed my bag and walked on the way out. “Sorry. I’ll just be on my way.”

         “Not passing your paper?” she asked me before I could reach out the room.

         “I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to.” I slowly turned around back to her.

         “Then, have it passed on my desk before eight o’clock tomorrow. You’ll need to pass that to fill up your portfolio.”

         “Okay.” I smiled and went on walking. It was convenient that my teacher was graceful. I could have lost one output for our portfolio which might have endangered my grades. Of course, I wanted to make mom proud. I didn’t want her to think that I was wasting all her efforts of working with two jobs. I struggled on my way to the next class which was Algebra. Ugh, I really hated Math. It didn’t get me anywhere interesting, but it was required, so…

         Class was just about to begin when I got there. By the way, Nick and I were classmates in Algebra. He was actually quite good in Math, not really the best in class but still a lot better than me. When I got to class, I was surprised. I found Alexander talking with some bunch of guys, making new friends probably. I was once again stoned. Nick was sitting on his chair, waiting for me, when he saw me get struck by seeing Alexander. When I turned to see Nick, he was looking at Alexander and turned back at me like he figured something out. I didn’t know what look to give him or what to say. He probably figured that I had something for Alexander, and that wasn’t really good news for both of us. He gave me that convinced look, and I didn’t know what to do. My eyes rolled to Alexander again. I couldn’t help it. It was like I wanted to stare at him every second! Then, I forced myself to look back at Nick. He really looked convinced. I thought there was a really great chance that he could have noticed that. I thought that I should change his mind.

         “What?” I wanted to erase that out of his mind.

         “Nothing.” Nick shook his head as I walked to him.

         “What’s with that look?” I placed my bag on a chair beside him and sat.

         “What look?”

         “You were looking at me weird.” I wanted to change his mind about me. “Spill it!”

         “Spill what?”

         “Why are you looking at me like that?” I was sure he thought of it which is why I wanted to change his mind as soon as possible.

         “It’s nothing.” He said. I thought I shouldn’t bother anymore because I’d seem defensive, and it would all be too obvious.

         I just sat beside him. He remained quiet, and that was really unusual. I turned my eyes to him every now and then, and he was really acting different. That wasn’t any help at all. I asked myself how I could make him forget, or at least change his mind. I thought since it seemed that he already figured it out, it’d be best to just change his mind, so there was no point in hiding it.

         “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true.” I said and hoped he understood me. Then, he faced me.

         “I know what I’m thinking.” He said with a serious tone. “I didn’t really expect you to care about it.”

         “I care about that!” I pointed out. “I care what my friends think about me.”

         “Are you even sure you know what I’m talking about?”

         “Yes.” I said and pointed at Alexander as he talked to the other guys that I didn’t even bother to care about until he talked to them. “Are you thinking that I like Alexander?”

         “His name’s Alexander?” Nick said. “And yes, I was thinking the exact same thing.”

         “Well, I don’t like him! I mean, I like him, but not like-like him.” I didn’t even know what I was doing that for. “Don’t get all moody just because of that!”

         “What?” he chuckled. “I’m not moody. I was just shocked about the fact that you’re acting weird around this guy. I mean, what were you so shy about him this morning?”

         “I was not shy.” I said. I faced Nick, and he did, too. “I just felt a little overwhelmed!”

         “Overwhelmed about what?”

         “You know, you’re acting all jealous now!” I sulked.

         “Heck yeah, I am!” he was talking loud like I was. It was really noisy around, so no one could have heard us. “I don’t think you should court around this guy just because he’s good-looking!”

         “I told you that’s not true!” Well, I wasn’t really attracted to Alexander just because of his looks. He was just different in a way that I like. For the first time, I actually encountered a guy that was leading a really different path than me. “And we talked about this! You were not supposed to talk to me like I’m still your girlfriend!”

         Nick was silenced. Well, I admit. That was quite harsh. I thought I shouldn’t have talked to Nick like I was rubbing it in his face. Still, I still didn’t want him to think that I like Alexander. I thought maybe I should think before I say anything.

         “You’re right.” He said. He didn’t seem shocked or anything, but I was sure he didn’t take that well. Then, he turned to another direction as an end to our conversation. I was still bugged, facing him. I thought I really shouldn’t have said that.

         “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”

         “You know what, Liyah?” he chuckled, pretending it was something funny. I could see that he was hurt all over his face. He faced me again, rolled his eyes down and back to me. “You tell the truth a lot, especially when you don’t think about what you’re gonna say.”

         “No. I was just upset. Sometimes I say things to hurt people even when I don’t mean most of what I say.” I suddenly felt sorry for him. I had no right to be angry at him. After all, he helped me a lot. I couldn’t have gotten this far without him. I reached for his hand on his thigh and rubbed his wrist with my thumb. I tried to make it not flirty in any way. “I didn’t mean that. I was just trying to be better.”

         He looked at me seriously like he was trying to read in to me. He blinked a few times, and he just agreed, “Okay.”

         Before I even noticed it, Alexander had walked to us. I was shocked to have seen him in front of us, smiling. Suddenly, my stomach felt warm again, and I felt nervous. Nick also was a bit surprised. Alexander talked to Nick and gave him his hand, “Hi there! I’m Alexander.”

         “Hi.” Nick said back and shook his hand. I turned to see Nick’s reaction. He seemed like he was forced to talk to Alex. “I’m Nick.”

         “Oh! So, you’re Nick!” Alex exclaimed like he knew Nick. I couldn’t react. I was stoned again. “It’s nice to meet you!”

         “I’m sorry. Have we met before?” Nick asked probably because Alex sounded a little confusing.

         “No.” Alex laughed. “I just heard about you!”

         “Really?” Then, it became really confusing.

         “Yeah. They said you’re a keeper.” Alex continued. I felt a lot more confused.

         “Excuse me?” Of course, Nick couldn’t get it, too. “Sorry. I don’t get what you’re saying.”

         “You’re Liyah’s boyfriend, right? They said you’re really good at it.” Alex assured himself. I was struck. I didn’t know why Alexander thought I was Nick’s girlfriend! Anyway, I felt like panicking. I couldn’t accept that, of all people, Alex was the one to think that. I was still stoned.

         Nick turned to see me and stared. I was still shocked, unaccepting. My hands were clenching. I quickly reacted, “No!”

         I was sure that was painful for Nick, but I just couldn’t help it. I didn’t even think before I said that! I just felt like I needed too. I faced back to Nick to see how he coped with what I said. He looked deplored. With my fast reaction, Nick probably thought I was trying to have a chance to be with Alexander. Well, I was, but I didn’t want anyone to know about that! I just faced back to Alexander and tried to make it sound less suspicious, “We’re just friends.”

         “Oh.” Alex reacted. He seemed a little disappointed which was not good news.

         “Where did you hear that I was his girlfriend?” I asked. Nick seemed forlorn. He didn’t bother to face Alex. He was just staring down, shocked of what I was saying. That time, I felt so sorry and so stupid, but I just couldn’t let Alexander think that!

         “Winnie told me.” Alexander said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply. It’s just that they said it, so…”

         “No, it’s fine.” I waved my hand. Alexander seemed to have noticed Nick’s reaction. I just continued talking, “Winnie talk about us a lot?”

         “Not really.” He grinned. “I kinda’ asked that.”

         “Oh,” I was shocked. Did Alexander actually ask about me? And that was really honest of him. I felt happy again. Was he trying to know if I was single? I was excited, and I had the urge to hug him, but I forgot to bother Nick’s reaction. He was even more bothered with what Alex just said.

         I was in shock, and Nick was wasted. Alexander was just waiting for us to say anything, but we didn’t say anything. When it took long enough and became really awkward, Alexander talked, “Okay! Class is about to start! It was nice meeting you, Nick!”

         He walked to his chair after that. Soon enough, our teacher arrived. Nick was still bothered, and I didn’t know what to say to make it better, but I wasn’t feeling that way. I was feeling immensely ecstatic about Alex, and I was sure Nick didn’t take that well. I felt sorry for him, but I ended up not caring. Was this how selfish I got? I felt like hitting myself in the midst of my joy.