Blue Noise

Blue ball has been rolling on the floor. It reminded her of that summer afternoon three years ago when they met on the beach. That same ball rolled to her feet, and the next thing she was falling in love. His black curls and deep dark eyes have caught her as she was reaching out to place a blue ball into his tiny little hand. Even though she did not recognize it at the time, this moment, this boy and the blue ball will change her life forever.

And that's when the sadness came. She could recall every smile in the past three years and the deepest longing came upon her. The longing that makes you unsettled and anxious, as if something essential is missing, not from your life but from the very core of your being. The longing for that one thing that would make you whole. The blue ball was still rolling on the wooden floor, away and away from her, making it more difficult to pinpoint what is it that was lost. Making it hard to see how to change things. It was a longing for sunshine, and a color and smell. The longing for the feeling.

The smell of coffee came through the open window. She smiled and breathed it in. The tiny little smile, sad yet somehow happy. What was it that had made her this nostalgic? She got up, went to the kitchen and made a coffee for herself. Leaning there against the counter, sipping the coffee, she was looking through the window, over the rooftops. She couldn't see the blue ball any longer. The longing was more distant, and she couldn't even remember now what made her feel like that in the first place. What was it she had been thinking about?

The day turned into that blue hour, when you still can feel the sun bellow the horizon, and the streetlights are still not on. She sank into that moment when everything seemed to be within your grasp. At the same time, nothing seemed real as if everything had been just a facade for an old movie. And something important is waiting to happen at any moment now.