A Horse Walks In To A Bar

A HORSE WALKS IN TO A BAR

BARMAN
Why the long face?

HORSE
Excuse me?

BARMAN
It's a joke

HORSE
My wife just died

BARMAN
Oh shit, sorry. I thought -

HORSE
You thought wrong. Now, can I order a drink or what?

BARMAN
Of course, my apologies. This one is on me.

HORSE
It will be any more of your cheek

BARMAN
Hey, that'll do donkey

HORSE
Did you just call me a donkey?

BARMAN
It's a line from Shrek. Sorry I couldn't resist. I wasn't calling you a donkey.

HORSE
My wife was a donkey

BARMAN
Oh, shit, really? I'm really sorry, I'm digging myself a bigger hole here, it's been a long day, I apologise - what do you want to drink? Anything you want...and I'll leave you to drink in peace

HORSE
Can I have a pint of your finest red.

BARMAN RETURNS WITH A PINT OF RED WINE

BARMAN
Can I get you anything else?

HORSE
Yea, can you switch to channel 4 for the Grand National?

BARMAN
Of course. Do you erm, you know, is one of your friends in the race?

HORSE
You think cause I'm a horse I know every other horse do you?

BARMAN
No, no, not at all.

HORSE
Yea, I know every f**king one of those c**ts.

BARMAN
Oh.

HORSE
You see it says "Will Kill When Drunk" Number 7 is a non-runner

BARMAN
Yea.

HORSE DOWNS PINT OF WINE AND SMILES

A SUDDEN PANIC COMES OVER THE BARMAN

HORSE
Why the long face?

WE HEAR A HORSE "NEIGH" & THE SOUND OF SMASHING GLASS.

END