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Rated: 13+ · Outline · Action/Adventure · #2081934
Working Title. Info I want to share with a work in progress novel, feedback in encouraged.
Title: Invisible.Melody (Working Title)

I'm playing with the idea of a developed fantasy world, where a culture with today's technology evolves from a typical Tolkien styled fantasy, with magic and monsters known to everyone. Along with multiple fantasy races that are intelligent, but technically not human.

Four kingdoms reside in the region of Teleca: Seacliff, North, Icicle, and Labyrinth. Each kingdom developed alongside each other, with a strong bond between it's civilians and nobles. Due to the existence of monsters and the lack of knowledge of how to exterminate them, civilization is built around fewer and larger cities with a lot of space between them, with large walls built to keep the evil lurking in the fields out.

World building:

The name of the world is called Galalaya, named after the myths called the creator of the planet.

Those who walk outside the cities and can fight monsters are Hunters. Hunters are people registered by government-run factions that are trained in weaponry that harm monsters. Hunters are ranked on an RPG-styled leveling system where 1 is the weakest and 100 is the strongest.

Monsters are not living beings, they are actually made out of pure force that stems from the earth's defense system. Due to this, killing a monster will send it's force back to into the ground, where is later materializes back on the surface, making monsters impossible to eliminate. This also means monsters don't have typical organs that would symbolise as typical weak points, meaning to kill one you'd have to tear it's materialized form to shreds, making guns practically useless against them.

Magic is occured by chanting incarnations called 'Melodies'. After chanting a melody, force in your body materializes into one of the eight basic elements. One can only practice casting a single element at a time, with different uses for each one in everyday lives and combat.


Major races found in this story would include...

Humans: Taking over 80% of the world's population, Humans are known to be the most unified of all races. Unlike most fantasies, they are not frowned upon with other races, but it's a common stereotype to think that most racial slurs come from humans.

Arcai: A race I created for this story. They lack Magical abilities of any kind and are infamous for being called 'Demons'. In the past, many in this race became cold-blood murders for being weak-willed when given powers beyond their control.

Elves: I would say copy Tolkien's version of elves and put it here, but there are differences. Taking a good 10% of the world's population, Elves on Galalaya come in many shades as humans. Nothing really separates them from humans outside of their culture coming from the woods, and having higher statistics in magical strength. Most elves live along humans in the cities, despite having a longer lifespan.

Tengu: The most uncommon species with the longest lifespan of any race, ranging to over several thousand years. It's not rare to meet a Tengu, but they are mostly isolated from the other races, living in the mountains of the Icicle kingdom. Visually, instead of taking the red skin and long noses from Japanese mythology, they actually look like humans, with the previous description being the masks they wear for the soldiers in guarding the mountain villages to scare off travelers.


The story follows and Arcai named David. With so many incidents of Arcain genocide in the past years for them going berserk, with the most recent being an attack on David's own village when he was a young child, only he and his friend, Grace, are the last surviving Arcai's on the planet.

That changes when a high-leveled hunter kills Grace in cold blood through employment. Seeking for answers of who employed the hunter and why they killed Grace, David hopes to find the hunter who kiled Grace and stand up to him in case they had to fight. To do this, he seeks an ancient artifact that he knows will strengthen a power only he posses, knowing full well their is a chance that he might go berserk because of it.


David: David is known for being a bit sarcastic and a bit ampathetic to those around him. After Grace's death, he locks himself in his room alone and plays video games throughout his depression, only to later come out somehow knowing about an artifact called the Gravity Controller. He has the power to manipulate gravity, which is odd, since Arcais cannot learn magical abilities. What's more is that he does not need to chant a melody to cast his powers.

Divad: Obviously not his real name, but that's partially because not even he knows what it is. Picked up the streets just a few years ago by David, Divad feels entitled to help him wherever he goes. He has trouble taking event around him seriously, and sometimes cracks a bit of wise. He's a dedicated Holy mage who can even heal, but like David, he does not need to chant melodies to cast magic.

Charla: A foreigner from across the ocean who was a good friend with Grace before her death. She follows David with worries that he's not mentally stable after coming out of his room to go on a journey. She sometimes comes off as a bit weak-willed and soft, but when her temper breaks, it's best to avoid her.

Tatsuya: A descendant of a chosen hero from five hundred years ago. He specializes in adopting children and raising them in the arts of combat. He's officially the teacher and adopted father of David, Divad, Grace, and a few others.

What I'm looking for in feedback:
-Anything overly cliche that could use some touching up, note that some of these cliches were used on purpose.
-Anything you find interesting or uninteresting about what's said above, though I should say I purposefully left a lot out here.

-I'm currently working on the first draft of this novel, which is at about 12,000 words. My aim is somewhere between 30,000-40,000 words.
-This is actually apart of a larger project, some elements will be left unexplained on purpose, but will likely be answered in a future novel.
-The original script for this story was suppose to be for a game, which would explain some basic JRPG tropes found above.
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