Bifocals

Bifocals

Having excellent vision all my life I finally I needed some help. My optometrist prescribed both close and distance lenses.

I refused to get bifocals on principal. They sounded dorky. I was fine with the readers. Reading glasses looked cute, scholarly even. The little square, well, rectangular lenses perched on my nose. I’ve seen actresses younger than me whip them out, they always look cute. But the distance ones… I got them but they never came out of my purse in public. Vanity thy name is me…

We only have one car, normally my husband drives because he loves to drive and I don’t. But occasionally I need to drive when he’s in the car. This day was because he had gotten whacked in the head by an errant softball at the park. It didn’t hit his eye, but his forehead, and he was sporting a lovely lump. I was to drive home.

As I started up the car, John asked where my glasses were. “Oh, I don’t really need them.” I answered glibly. He then brought up all the times I’d taken the car without him, did I ever wear them? “I don’t really need them!” We started off. Suddenly he was Mr. Crazy!

“You’re too close to the side, watch that tree, that car! Blah, blah, blah.” I would have divorced him on the spot had it not been for the fact that he was, unfortunately, right each time. Finally, he put his foot down citing safety, insurance regulations, and his sanity. I pulled over and put them on.

Just as we got back on the road, regrettably vanity struck again. I glanced in the mirror, just for a sec, to see how dorky I looked, and ran us into a utility pole.

That’s why I wear bifocals.