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Rated: E · Fiction · Comedy · #2146695
A romantic comedy with complicated pronouns.
                                                 Me?  1318 words

You heard about the boy named Sue. I always felt sorry for him, no matter how tough he became. I have it worse. I have a girlfriend named Me. What makes it so bad? Think about it while I tell you.

I was walking around the mall, the big one in Oska, N.Y, looking for a new phone. She was just walking, alone. She did not seem to have an agenda, just marking time, looking in windows, you know, chilling. She shook her head and I got a glimpse at her flowing auburn hair. I had to meet her. I just didn’t know how. So I followed her, hoping to figure it out. This store, that store. Upstairs, downstairs. She went into the ladies room, at the same time I just happened to need to tie my shoes. They were tough, took a long time.  Eventually, she made her way to the food court. I tried to make myself invisible as I watched her walk over to one of the vendors. Tex Mex. No that was not the name, just the type of food. 

Two cokes, large nacho, so much for that Idea. I just stood there, not looking at her. Do I stay or do I go. Is it stalking if I just wait to see who she was meeting? See if I had a chance. I mean I just spent two hours following her, trying to figure out how to just say hello. OK, maybe stalking. 

She found a table in the middle of the food court, placed the second drink in front of the other chair, the nachos in the middle of the table.  She stared straight ahead, at the empty seat. She sat there smiling, waiting. Then her face changed to a grimace. She was beautiful each way.  Maybe I still have a chance.
Assuming I don’t get arrested for stalking.

I started to walk over to the vendors.  A shake would be nice. Less likely to be arrested for stalking if you are drinking a shake. Right? It just happens that the best route to the shake vendor happened to go past her table. Damn, she was beautiful. Damn do I feel like a nerd. Just walk right by. No smile, no look, and nod. Just a nervous nerd walking by the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. On his way to get a shake.     

Suddenly she burst out laughing. “Your coke is going to go flat, and I would like to have a nacho”

I turned around, and looked at her, getting angry.

“Don’t be angry. I noticed you following from the beginning. I wanted to see how far you would go. Anyone that determined deserves a coke and nachos. Besides I would love to know why you had so much trouble tying your shoes.” She stopped laughing, long enough to smile up at me.

I did my best to stay angry. I ended up laughing, sitting, eating.

My problems were just about to start. Her name, Me.

No, she is not me, she is her. Her name is me! I always thought of myself as me, but now, that is her. Suddenly I am not me, I am you. I am not you. You are you. I would like to say I am me, but she is. I think you can understand my problem.

“Your name is Me? That has to be a nickname. How did you get it?”

“I think it was my parent,s idea. Right there on the birth certificate. Now that is a look. I should keep a mirror with me, just so I can show people what they look like when I have this conversation.”

“If I look as confused as I feel, no thanks. The good thing for me, is that it gives me lots to talk about with you. Not always easy for me. This, easy.”

Well, maybe not that easy. I was trying not to act nervous. She was great. I already knew she had a great sense of humor. It was more. She had an easy way about her. Spoke about herself freely, but not bragging. She understood her name was difficult for most people, but she thought the reactions she got was funny. 

“it’s only two letters, one syllable. Easy”. I don’t mean to make people uneasy, but it’s my name and I am going to enjoy it.”

She was like that. Easy to be with. Fun to be with. Once we got over the name thing, I started talking about myself. Not easy, usually. But with her it was. She listened to who I was, what I liked and didn’t.

We finished the drinks and nachos and continued walking the mall.

The next day at school, we just happened to walk into each other and had lunch together.  I don’t know who is the better liar me or her.  No,  I mean her or I. As I said this gets tough. My friends enjoyed it though.

“You still going to the movies by yourself”, they would say while laughing.

“Jealous much,” I would respond, proudly.

There were other times that were difficult. My parents did not know that I was dating someone. Sometimes I forgot. Once I tried.

“Who were you talking on the phone to”, my mother asked me one day.


“I don’t appreciate you talking to me that way. It’s rude. If you don’t want me to know who your friends are, just say so. Don’t tell me you are talking to yourself”.

I did not take the time to explain. I just shrugged my shoulders and went back to my room. 

That is not going to last long. I asked Me, {you know I mean her right}, to go to the prom with me. She said yes but I would have to meet her parents first, at dinner, on Thursday. Thursday is tough. Family night. My father did not like that the family would go for more than a week without sitting together for dinner. So he made Thursday night family dinner night. No excuses were allowed.

“Hi mom, hows it going.”


“No? No what”

“No to anything you're about to ask for”

“I asked this girl to go to the prom”

“So, you’re going to the prom with a girl I never met, that you never told me about. I don’t even know her name. Now you want a favor, what?”

“Before I can take her to the prom, I have to meet her parents.”

“Oh, so they get to meet you, and I don’t even get to know who she is, or what her name is!”


“You want a favor and your going to talk back to me.”

“Her name is me? Well maybe she should come here to dinner and I might believe you”

“You know we can’t do that before Thursday, mom.”

“You think you’re getting out o family night with this story. I think you just figure that whatever you want to do on Thursday is worth the punishment you will get when you have to tell us the truth. That is not going to work. How about if I just call her mother and see what she has to say. What is this?”

“I told Me it would come to this. Her mother’s cell number is on that sheet.”

“And this is not one of your friend's girlfriends, impersonating some fictional girlfriend's mother. I call this number and you are lying, you may not make family dinner because you will be grounded for a month. Last chance to come clean. Give me the truth or Me’s mother’s name.”

I was quiet for a few minutes. This was going to be hard. My mother had a smirking smile on her face. I got you it said. I know she is never going to believe me.


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