Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2216633-A-Redneck-Wedding
by Norman
Rated: E · Poetry · Comedy · #2216633
The bride and groom wore camouflage
The bride and groom wore camouflage
with thick boots on their feet,
as if prepared to go outside
and kill something to eat.

The maid of honor was in black,
John Deere hat on her head.
She didn’t have those combat boots;
she wore flip-flops instead.

You’d think that this was Halloween;
it was the strangest sight.
I wondered if this was a dream.
Was my head screwed on tight?

The ushers carried knives and guns.
You had to wonder why.
What was I doing in this place?
Did I come here to die?

“No, no,” my uncle smiled at me.
“It’s just their wedding day.
In West Virginia where we are
they have a different way.”

The preacher had a long white beard,
like Moses on the mount.
And as I looked around I saw
too many beards to count.

In fact, some of the women looked
like they were hirsute too.
But maybe I was just confused;
I didn’t have a clue.

Some people chewed tobacco plugs.
I guess that’s what it was.
I only tried that stuff just once.
It gave my head a buzz.

The wedding wasn’t in a church
or in a chapel hall.
It looked to me just like a barn;
there were no pews at all.

We sat on hay bales that were rough;
they tore at my good pants.
They made me squirm and made me itch
like they were full of ants.

Without an organ in the barn
a banjo played instead.
“Here comes the bride,” twanged out from it,
and they were finally wed.

We threw some oats instead of rice
upon the married pair.
The chickens flocked and had a feast;
I pulled oats from my hair.

I never will forget that scene;
not till the day I die.
A redneck wedding sure is strange,
I’ll tell you; it’s no lie.

The strangest thing about it all,
I think that you’ll agree.
That maid of honor that I met?
She’s now my bride to be.

I guess I am a redneck now;
I’ve come so very far.
I chew and spit and have a beard,
drink home-brew from a jar.

I drive an old red pick-up truck;
It’s right where I belong.
And when I go out for a ride
I sing our favorite song.

Take me home, country roads
To the place I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Momma
Take me home, country roads

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