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Rated: E · Essay · Personal · #2228792
Some wandering thoughts
Life is cycles. I can't say about other people, but it's definitely true about me. That's not singular. There are multiple cycles and they are definitely not regular or in sync! It can be quite chaotic. I wonder if this is part of ADD.

The first descriptive thought that came to mind was "parabolic cycles." To check, I googled it. Mostly all I got was a ton of bitcoin info. Not what I wanted. I tried "irregular cycles" and got 99% female biology. Also not what I wanted. I don't know what term will bring up a description or an image of what I want. I will try to describe it.

Random Tangential Thought: There should be a way to turn off the slant of the search towards recent and/or popular results and stick to a more specific search.

The general view of time is a line, so literal circles don't picture what I mean. A parabola is a wavy line. (Probably not an accurate mathematical description, but I'm only tangentially mathematical here.) Parabolically, regular cycles would have equal amplitude--a nice, even, regular wavy line. Makes me think of rick-rack trim in sewing. That is not my life.

My life is multiple lines. Different lines represent different things. Some will be representative of various interests. The waves in these lines are not regular. Sometimes they rise high above center, sometimes barely above. Sometimes they are stretched out, rising infrequently, and sometimes the rise and fall in quick succession. Below center is not a mirror of above. It's possible for a line not to reach center before going back up or down. And I think the ADD might be tangent lines to these main ones, most of which start and end abruptly, but may occasionally become a new main line, I suppose some main lines may disappear as abruptly, or perhaps merge into another line. Lines can cross each other. Potentially, those crossings could affect each other.

When looking at this wavy multiple line, it's representative of my whole life. My consciousness is but a static point (or set of points) through which these lines pass (or not). Now.

Random Tangential Thought: The point(s) of consciousness could be the point out from which the lines grow (to the left, if time flows to the right) [sort of even the ones not connecting to the point(s)]. OR The whole set of wavy lines could be there, moving through the point(s) from right to left. This could be an illustration of free will (coming from the point) or predestination (passing through the point). Not exactly my view of either.

So... what triggered this little essay... One of those very irregular way lines is writing. It has only relatively recently emerged above the center line after a fairly long stretch below. It doesn't seem to have actually reached the consciousness point(s). I am aware, and the idea of writing sounds good again, but the compulsion is not there. There is, as yet, no frustration with not writing.

Last November someone anonymous gave me a free upgrade to my account, Thank you, whoever you are. I may have noted it at the time, but honestly, if I knew, the wave of that writing line has, at most, only brushed my consciousness and I'd forgotten. I was startled to see it today.

On a more writing positive note, I dreamed a complete short (short short or fast fiction) story recently. That's a sign that my subconscious may be gearing toward a more word creative mode. If I weren't still very much trying to work on several stitchy projects, I'd make more of an effort to get here every day. Unfortunately, it takes me so long to write something (over 2 hrs, so far today, for just this) and I'm so generally disorganized, I know if I push myself to write every day, the stitching will fall to the wayside. I have got my blog (http://airynothing.net/wp/) back up and running, so I hope I will get some writing done.

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