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Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #2271437
A husband tries to help with household chores...while his wife counts to ten.
Oh, Nuts!

My husband was patiently taking almonds from the jumbo-sized Costco bag and dropping them one by one into a one-quart mason jar. He was about twenty almonds in when his patience gave out.

“Oh, for the love of—"

“Honey?” I said in a velvet tone so as to not agitate.

“Blanche, not now.”

“But I—”

“Look! You say I don’t help you around here—that I just come home from work and fall into my recliner. So, I saw this bag of almonds on the counter, and I know you keep almonds in this mason jar and—"

“John, I—”

“Let me finish!”

“Yes, sir.”

Sometimes John is like a dog on a bone. Drives me nuts!

“And the mason jar marked ‘ALMONDS’ was empty, so I thought I could be helpful and—”

“That’s very sweet of you,” I said and busied myself making coffee.

He did work hard at his job at the canning plant, but so did I. I was trying to keep up with the housework and with my job at the library. I made the mistake of voicing my frustration last week during an argument about leaf raking…

He was about thirty almonds in, and I could see his frustration boiling over.


“What, Blanche!”

“Have you tried this?” I held out a large funnel.

“I didn’t know we had one.”

He took the funnel and placed it in the jar. He lifted the bag and poured in the nuts. The funnel overflowed and there were almonds all over the counter and the floor.

“That’s it! I give up!”

He stomped off to his recliner leaving me with the nuts.

What’s that old saying? “When the going gets tough, the tough watch TV.”
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