My brother had so many layers...
No matter how well you think you know someone,
you never really do until after they are gone.
That's when the dirty laundry is tossed about
and the secret drawers are unlocked.
That's when those who truly cared rhapsodize,
spin the stories weaving a textured tapestry
of the who he really was.
Three months after the fact, some people
are just now finding me through media,
connecting the dots between his comments
and who I am --beyond his little sister.
Their hurt is new and raw, just finding truths
when I've had some time to let it settle,
to let the rough edges blur.
Across the board, the vast majority agree--
he was a stellar human: kind, loyal, generous,
and loving. He was a rock, and he cared
deeply about his friends. He inspired
multitudes, in so many ways, on numerous levels.
Didn't have much but shared what there was.
He simply knew no other way to be.
He was my big brother. Always. He was
my protector (and sometimes evil antagonist.)
But shield first. Foremost. Perhaps that's why
he never let me know that there were issues,
that he'd been sick. He never thought
far enough ahead to realize, that eventually,
I'd still find out, in the worst way, when it was too late.
So I'm still uncovering the layers of my brother.
Each story, each reminiscence sheds more light.
Some lights create shadows, but the flames for him
burn bright and cast no shadows at all.
Shadows are illusions, a blur of reality.
Nuances, shadings that flicker, dim
the brighter the light.
And what I know is blindingly bright.
His name: bright, shining light and he was
ever that -- on every single level.
Still is, will forever be.