Mother's Love

All she had to do was let go. The simple command rattled in her mind. The shrieking, shrill cries of her son fell painfully on her exhausted ears. Her poor little lamb had always been sickly. With sad, weepy eyes she studied her son's splotchy red face. Where most babies had round, cherub cheeks, his were sunken in.The ravishes of malnutrition were obvious. All skin and bones. She could easily count each brittle rib. Feel each indent of his protruding spine.

What kind of mother doesn't want to do all in her power to end her child's endless pain? Endless suffering? It was her duty, her obligation to do what would surly shatter her completely. Suddenly, the muscles in her hands unfroze and in one very long moment, they let go. Barely a ripple was followed by a sudden silence that invaded the room. The silence was deafening. For several agonizing moments, she couldn't breathe. She couldn't think, couldn't open her eyes. A darkness unlike anything she'd ever known threatened to swallow her who!e. Oh God! How she wanted to surrender to it!

No! Her eyes snapped open. No! She could not let all be in vane. She has two daughters to think about. She could not leave them orphans. She stealed herself, then gently reached into the wash tub and lifted the lifeless body of her now silent infant son. Reverently, she patted him dry. Smoothed baby oil over his fragi!e body. Powdered his bum and pinned a diaper in place. Gently she dressed him in his warmest sleeper and swaddled him in the blanket she knitted while she had been pregnant with him. She carried him to the rocker and cuddling him close, she slowly began rocking him.

Time ceased to exist. Everything did. The first rays of the dawning sun was coloring the horizon when finally, she rose and walked to the cedar chest at the foot of the bed. She sank to her knees and quickly removed all the stored linen. She used the best quilt to make a nest and lovingly laid her son in the middle. She wrapped the family Bible in a well oiled c!oth and laid it at her son's side. Then, removed the locket her husband had gifted her from around her neck and placed it on her son's blanket. Nlw, he would have them with him for eternity. She whispered a prayer. Gave him one final kiss and closed the lid.

As the lid closed, something deep in her mind slammed shut as well.