Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2292584-Larry-Gets-Lucky
by OOT™
Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Romance/Love · #2292584
After a series of horrendous first dates, Larry finally gets lucky.
After a series of disastrous dates, Larry had given up on love. The dating site he had joined, Ton of Love, promised success for men who were carrying a few extra pounds. And at 5'5" and 290 pounds, Larry's abs more closely resembled a keg than a 6-pack. He had high hopes when he paid the membership fee and began receiving emails from interested women.

Larry's first date was with Mandy. He he was delighted that he was a bit taller than her when they met at a local Italian restaurant. After they were seated, Larry asked, "So, tell me more about yourself."

"Well, I'm originally from Louisiana, I'm an only child, I'm a rabbit, I'm..."

"Wait, what?" Larry sputtered, choking on the water he had just sipped. "You're a rabbit?"

"Well, yeah," Mandy looked at him quizically. "Aren't you a bear?"

Larry looked around the restaraunt, certain he would spot a camera crew getting this obvious prank on film.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Larry asked.

"You know, furries," Mandy replied. "Your profile pic is a bear. I thought..."

Larry cursed himself for his idea that ladies would think of him as a big teddy bear when they came across his profile. He quickly ended the date and went home and changed his profile pic to a sunset.

A few days later, Larry had a date with Jennifer, a personal trainer. He didn't mind that she asked him to meet her at the gym, sure they would decide where to go for their date once he got there.

Larry arrived at the gym in his standard attire: a colored t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Oh, great! You're dressed for it," Jennifer exclaimed.

"Erm, for what?"

"For me to whip that fat ass into shape. Now, let's start with some lunges."

Despite Larry's attempts to escape, the following hour can only be described as torture. Squats, lunges, running, jumping, and, yes, weeping. When Jennifer decided he had had enough, he could only manage a slow shuffle out of the gym, leaving a trail of sweat and tears in his wake.

After he recovered from his 'date' with Jennifer, Larry's next date was with Carol. He didn't mind her beard so much, but the spiderweb tattoo covering the left side of her face was a dealbreaker. Dana was definite 'no' as well. The thought never occurred to him that Dana could also be a man's name until a 6'5 lumberjack-looking brute showed up for their date and shyly presented Larry with a dozen red roses. Still, Larry was certain his next date would be "the one".

Jane met Larry for sushi, and they quickly discovered they had many shared interests and relaxed into a conversation over dinner. They were so enamored with each other, they talked until their waitress interrupted them to tell them the restaurant was closing. Not wanting the night to end, they decided to walk to a local park.

Everything was going perfectly until Larry felt a horrendous pain in his stomach. As he jumped up, he quickly learned that 'explosive diarrhea' is not just a myth. Disgusted, Jane quickly left without a word, leaving Larry in literal deep shit.

That was the final straw for Larry, and he decided to resign himself to a life of solitude. He took the money he saved by not renewing his site membership to the casino and sat down at the slot machines. An hour later, Larry had not only lost the money renewing his membership would have cost, he was down to his last dollar. Distraught, he decided to go for broke. He put his last dollar in, pulled the lever and got up to leave when a siren blared and lights started flashing. Larry had won the jackpot!

C'mon, you didn't think he would finally find the woman of his dreams after all that, did you?
© Copyright 2023 OOT™ (outoftouch at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2292584-Larry-Gets-Lucky