Where is God?

Paul Whitby was bent over his desk vehemently pushing keys on his calculator when the doorbell rang. At first, he was annoyed by the interruption, but he got up, opened the door, and immediately a wave of delight washed over him, because it was his neigbor's daughter, Valeria.

"Hello," said Valeria shyly, "I hope I'm not bothering you."

"Of course not," said Paul. "You know I love it when you come around here. Come on in!"

Valeria was seventeen years old . She had a skinny frame and a face which was pretty in an intellectual way. Paul adored her. In fact, back when his wife was pregnant, he had dreamed that the child would one day look like this. But that was such a long time ago.

"So what are you working on?" asked Valeria as she stepped into the house to his desk.

"Well, it's a little crazy."

"Hmm. . ." said Valeria staring at the figures on his desk. "Does this say that eight is the cube root of 4,096? Because that's wrong. It's the 4th root."

"Right," said Paul mentally kicking himself.

"Also, don't you think it would be easier if you factored these two numbers out from both sides. Now you you just have to multiply these two numbers together and subtract them.. .The answer is six!"

"You are amazing," said Paul scratching his head.

"Of course I am," said Valeria with a smile that suggested modesty was overrated. "But what's all this for? I can't wait until I go to college and work on problems like this all the time."

"It's pretty big," said Paul. "In fact," Paul paused not sure whether he should let Valeria in on this. "What if I were to tell you that it is searching for God."

Valeria's reaction was not what he had expected. "God?" she pouted. "I thought you scientists were past all that."

"Well, it's just that most people think there must be some structure to the universe. It can't all be completely random. We hope that by doing these figures, we can prove that someone or something is guiding the universe. Isn't that fascinating?"

"I guess. It's not the same thing as that guy who makes us eat cardboard on Sunday morning and tries to tell women what to do with their bodies."

Paul wasn't sure what to say to that.

"But honestly," Valeria went on, "That's another reason I can't wait to get to college. I am going to officially be an atheist who stays in bed on Sunday morning. I'll probably find a boyfriend too."

That was a bit puzzling. "Your religion doesn't allow yout to date?"

"Well, no, I'm allowed to date, but when I get to college, I'[m going to let my boyfriend do things like. . .take me out for steak on a Friday night."

Paul sighed. It was an awkward situation because, on one level, he secretly agreed with what Valeria was saying, but on the other hand, he couldn't help feeling disturbed to see this lovely young lady talking like this.

"Oh well, I guess I'm oversharing a little bit," said Valeria. She looked around the room. "You know, I've been meaning to ask you. That photo on the wall. . .Who are those people in the picture with you?"

Well, maybe it's my turn to overshare, thought Paul. "They're my wife, Kelly, and my daughter, Rose."

"I didn't know you were married. I never see them around here."

"Well, about a month ago, they moved out and went to live with my in-laws. I was busy here and they were kind of getting in the way."

"Hmm. The daughter, she looks kind of strange. Is she. . ."

"Yeah. She was born mildly retarded."

A look of revulsion crossed Valeria's face. "I'm sorry," she said, "I really am, but retarded people always kind of freak me out." She shook her head. "That's a terrible thing to say to the parent of a retarded child."

Except that it's true, Paul thought. He still remembered the day, he found out that Rose would be retarded. It was like he caught a disease that day and never completely recovered. Not after thirteen years of living with that child that he just couldn't love. That he didn't think anyone could love. Sure his wife said she did, but Paul didn't really believe her. Out loud, he said grimly, "Well, maybe this proves your point about God. If there were a God, why would he make children like Rose."

Valeria looked relieved that he wasn't angry with her. "Do you think this Math will help explain that?"

"I dunno," said Paul. "I just don't know."

* * *

On Saturday, Paul received a call from his wife saying that Rose really wanted him to meet them at mass tomorrow. So, on Sunday morning, he dragged himself out of bed to church. Kelly and Rose were waiting at the door.

"Daddy!" said Rose bear hugging him

"Hello Dear, how have you been?"

"Good, but I was wondering when Mommy and I could come back home."

"It's a good question Paul," said Kelly.

"Well, I'm not sure."

Just then, he saw a familiar face. It was Valeria coming into the church with her mother. He smiled at her.

"Daddy, who is thise?" asked Rose. "She's pretty."

"Uhm. . .Thank you," said Valeria uncomfortably. "We were just going to go into the church and-"

"Can they sit next to us in church?" asked Rose.

Paul glanced at his wife. "That's fine with me," she said.

"Me too," said Valeria's mother.

But Valeria looked distressed. She reluctantly walked into the church with everyone else. When they got to an empty pew and everyone filed in, Paul found that his wife was on his let and Rose was on his right. But Valeria looked really upset to be on Rose's right.

The mass began. Rose prayed and sang rather loud, but Paul attempted to ignrore it, Then, they came to one of Rose's favorite parts of a mass. It was the "Our Father" when everyone joined hands. Rose grasped her father's hand and on one side and Valeria's hand on the other. As Paul prayed his way through the old prayer, he couldn't help thinking that the skin on Rose's warm hand felt kind of nice.

Then came the part that was Rose's absolute favorite: The greeting of peace. Paul, however felt kind of awkward. He gave his daughter a hug, but then he turned to his wife unsure what the best way to greet her was. She looked like she felt the same way, but a sort of mutual agreement passed between them and they ended up kissing on the cheek. But, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rose hugging Valeria around the neck. He couldn't tell how Valeria felt about it.


After the mass, Paul walked out with his wife. "So," she said, "when can Rose and I move back?"

"Really, whenever you want," said Paul. "I never wanted you to leave in the first place." Suddenly, he felt alarm as he realized they were separated from Rose. "Where did she go?"

"She's over there with that girl."

And so she was. Valeria and Rose had walked out of the church and were chatting. When they saw Paul and Kelly they ran over.

"Hey," said Rose. "Valeria lives near Daddy and she says that she comes over his house a lot. So, if we move back with Daddy, we can see her all the time. Right?" She looked at Valeria.

"Sure," said Valeria putting an arm around Rose and smiling. "I cann't wait."

After that, everyone said their good-byes. Paul walked back with Valeria. "You know," said Valeria, "That daughter of yours is really sweet."

"I suppose."

"I got to talking with her about my your work."

"My work?"

"Well, I didn't get into the Math, of course, but I told her that you were trying to find where in the universe God was."

"Oh really? How did that go?"

"Well, she got confused and she said, 'God is right here.' The funny thing was that she was completely sure of it."

Paul raised an eyebrow. "I guess that's one view of the problem. What do you think of it?"

"Well. . . I'm thinking she may be right."

"Really, does that mean you're plans to become an atheist when you get to college. . ."

"Might be changing." She smirked. "If I get a boyfriend who wants to take me out for steak on Friday, I'll say I'm not that kind of girl."

Then they both laughed.

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