DAWN

“Dawn, Dawn please…” Sparrow’s legs burned, her muscles torn beneath her ragged tabby pelt. She had failed once more, and she would fail a hundred times again before the process repeated from one painful memory to the next. Her neck had been clawed out, her eyes ripped and her ears shredded so many times that she had lost count an eternity ago. She felt as though she should have become numb to the pain so long ago, but it felt as fresh as it did when she died – which itself was a hazy memory from so many lifetimes ago. She could hardly even remember her own name, but she felt as thought it used to have two parts.
         Yet despite remembering little of herself, she was forced to replay her memories over and over. She had been forced to fight every battle she had done in life until she could complete them without ever once having received a blow. She had done this so many times before, but every time it restarted it got harder. Faced with more cunning and numerous enemies with each try, she was sure that she lived through fights more dangerous than any she would ever encounter normally. Yet Dawn told her that she would only be let go once she could win the Final Battle of Spirits by herself flawlessly.
         She had never once won the battle. She had died in death there, only to be saved and brought to the forever hell called the Horizon accompanied by solely a cat who cared so little for her. She was just never good enough to win. Both Ash Hawk and Veiled Gaze were too fast for her, and every time she lost she felt her body ripped apart by the claws of two cats united in their hatred for her. It hurt her; she could remember them both as friends in sunlit forests so far away from now. She felt as if she had once shared happy memories with them both, but they both killed her over and over. They never stood for peace in the battles of her mind. They never stopped to talk. They never even looked at her as if she was anything more than carrion.
         She deserved it, she knew that much. Their eyes had kindness and forgiveness in them, locked away behind a layer of anger and betrayal. She had done something so long ago to cause this to happen, and she deserved this. She simply wished she could remember what she had done, to atone for her crimes so great that she had been locked in them forever.
         You did this to yourself, you know. You could’ve stopped all of this, and I’m helping you stop it. Don’t act like forgiveness was ever an option to you. You were a monster, you know? You killed needlessly and brought a regime that viewed death for the collective to be noble. Do you have any idea how many have died from your decisions? A cold voice in her head spoke to her once more. It was as if her own mind were speaking to her, voices pressing in from every side. Anger soared in her mind as desperation welled in the pits of her eyes once more. She wanted to cover her ears, but her burning legs wouldn’t work for her anymore. She was stuck on the ground for what had seemed like forever.
         Get up, your body’s fine. You were made to be perfect, don’t cry like a kit at failure. The voice was right. Her eyes could finally open again, and her legs didn’t hurt. She was lying on her side in a green-grassed riverbed. It felt so achingly familiar, but she couldn’t put her paw on where or when it was. She was crumpled at the bottom, her fur matted and her eyes stinging from all the light pouring in. Her legs felt like those of a kit’s as she eased herself up to sitting, her head light and spinning.
         You lost again. Do you know why? It’s because you’re not perfect enough. You just can’t do it at the level I’m training you at. How many times have we been here before? In this exact riverbed, with you crumpled on your side. I know you find it familiar; you died here. You betrayed your family and friends and died for it. You just cant win the final battle. You were never going to. You were made to be perfect and limited to “perfection” in the eyes of an uncaring mother who can never find you here.
         I hate you; I truly do. You’re an insult to me, an insult to all spirits who all happen to be in my domain. And yet, when you were made and born into this world, I couldn’t even affect you. I couldn’t even appear to you. But Event had a single flaw in your creation. You were made to be untouchable by me at the time, but that ‘time’ is so many millions of moons ago for me now. I am now above you. I am now your world; I am now your god. I own you, and I’m going to make true perfection in the form of a living being, and you’re going to be mine. This is all just a simple step of the way. And once you’re perfect, once you’re a cat truly made to above all, I will love you like a mother does to a kit, truly like you never experienced. You want that, I know you do. You’ve always wanted it. But until then, you must learn. Look at me.
         She wanted to be loved, and she had desired a mother to look up to all her life. She was tired of being above everything. She needed weakness, and she needed relaxation. It was so close. Sparrow obediently lifted her eyes to the sight of an odd cat sat at the top of the banking. Their face, ears, legs, and tail were a darker color than their body, but it was all muted into grays and whites. It contrasted so heavily with the flowing greens behind them, as if they didn’t belong amongst reality. Yet Sparrow felt herself jump as she finally looked the spirit in the eyes. They were fractured and white, eternally staring and yet so unnaturally cruel.
         Sparrow fought to find her voice to speak once more, but she could barely manage a whisper – her throat torn and burning still, “Please, I can’t do this, I can’t win… Why can’t you love me now? What did I do? Why am I here? Who… even are you? Please… I can do all you ask of me but that last battle… I’m never going to win, am I? That’s the entire point, isn’t it? I… I wasn’t bad enough for this, surely? Let me out, please, if there’s a lesson, I’ve learnt it so many times before! What don’t you understand? Please! Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out, let me…”
         Pain burned in her mind as her words threw up all at once. She couldn’t control her body anymore, which rambled on and on mindlessly below her. Her throat burned from the talking, but she could feel it begin to numb as it felt less and less like her. Suddenly the tabby cat made from rags below her fell over, still rambling, but she didn’t follow. The world was tearing itself apart above her, a black void ripping the sky apart.
         Calm finally instilled onto her as her mind began to rip itself apart painfully, memories disappearing like snowflakes onto an endless sea of white. She couldn’t recognize where she was, but she could smell milk in the air for some strange reason. The grass beneath her began to split, before it disappeared altogether under her, the scrawny tabby cat and the imposing-looking white one disappearing with it too. She was alone, floating in an unfamiliar world of darkness.
         Feeling slowly crept to her over the course of an eternity. Something soft and slowly moving lay next to her and infront of her muzzle, which smelled of so deeply of milk. The ground beneath her was soft, and soothing voices spoke in the distance. It was calm. A soothing feeling began to lap at her back, and she felt the drowsiness of sleep begin to nip at her haunches. She felt a mighty purr emanate from her small lungs, before finally the heaviness in her eyes won and she fell asleep in between the warmth of another sleeping body and the warm fur wall of her mother’s belly.