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Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Contest Entry · #2315546
This is a story that takes place underwater.
"I can't breathe," said Filiby.
"Oh my God," said Jim. "I'll call a doctor!"
"No, man. I'm under water. I'm not supposed to breathe."
"Your brilliance is eclipsed only by your wetness."
"What about that octopus over there? You gonna eat it?"
"What about that octopus over there? You gonna eat it?"
"Don't make fun of the way I talk."
"Don't make fun of the way I talk."
"I'm a pickle pence."
"I'm a pickle p..."
"Look, I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings..."
"The depth of irony meets the height of hubris in the middle of the Atlantic."
"This is the Pacific. I was just in Africa yesterday. Nice fufu."
"Yeah, well Africa is in the Atlantic."
"Are you sure? How do you know?"
"The Trans-Atlantic slave trade!"
"Oh, I forgot! It's so obvious, isn't it?"
"Yes. So what's the deal? Why are we underwater?"
"I want you to look over my shoulder. Do you see that sexy woman?"
"Uh, dude, I think that's a shark."
"Next to the shark. Do you see that sexy woman?"
"She owes me a trip to Bermuda."
"And we're going to go over there."
"We're going to swim over there, underwater..."
"Uh, hum."
"And we're going to get it from her."
The attractive woman sat there, at the bottom of the ocean, reading a soaked copy of Vanity Fair. She didn't seem to notice Filiby and Jim as they swam over. Here eyes perked up as she finally did see them.
"Hello, Donna," said Filiby.
"How are you doing, Donna?"
"I'm doing fine. Why do you keep saying my name?"
"I don't know, Donna. I guess I just have my head up in the clouds today - wink, wink. I've got happy feet and I don't know what to do with myself."
"That's nice."
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"I'm pretty sure I brought everything."
"Are you sure, Donna?"
"Why do you keep saying my name like that? Is this Hooked on Phonics or something?"
"Donna, did you happen to see any tickets lying around? Maybe a round-trip ticket to Bermuda?"
"Well, maybe you should look again."
"I'm not going to Bermuda."
"Well I am!"
"Good luck."
"Well, I'd already be there if you hadn't forgotten to give me the ticket you promised."
"I owe you a ticket. That's rich."
"Yes. You owe me a ticket. And if I remember correctly..."
"This is incredible."
"What's incredible? What are you talking about?"
"Look, if you want to go to Bermuda just grab a shark fin. Climb inside a whale. You'll be there in like 15 minutes."
"Does that compare to the splendor of a first-class flight?"
"Oh, here we go again."
"Yeah. That's what I was saying."
"Look, do you want to got to Bermuda?"
"No, I want you to give me my ticket! Then I'll go to Bermuda!"
"Well, you're out of luck."
"Why's that?"
"I gave your ticket away."
"Me mum just won a game show."
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