Food For Thought

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

‘Waste not, want not’ was the creed of Pauline Chamber’s family. As ration books became a thing of the past she was reminded daily of how lucky she was to have such luxurious meals put in front of her and how she must always eat every morsel. And nine year old Pauline always did. Sometimes under protest, sometimes to appease, sometimes to ensure she got her fair share of dessert and sometimes so that she was allowed out afterwards. But rarely because she actually wanted to. All the myths surrounding food were part of her daily diet.

         “Eat those carrots; they help you see in the dark.”

         “Come on, don’t just eat the chips. Fish makes you brainy.”

         “Drink that milk or your teeth will drop out.”

         And the inevitable “Get those greens down you. They’re good for you,” though no one ever explained why.

         As the food became more available, the demands to eat every scrap grew. And so did Pauline. At a rate she detested. The school medical was a nightmare. Standing on the cold scales in her too tight navy bloomers she cringed as she heard the doctors’ words.

         “Mrs Chambers, Pauline is rather over weight for her age. I’d watch her diet if I were you.”

         Mrs Chambers was indignant. “I told him what for,” she related to her husband later that evening. “Nowt wrong with our Pauline, I said, she’s a bonny lass.”

         Pauline held back the tears.


Teenage Pauline loved The Beatles, The Stones and the general atmosphere of the sixties. But she hated Twiggy, Jane Asher, Sandy Shaw and any female who could wear the fashions her plump body would not fit into. Rows over food became more frequent.

         “What do you wanna look like them models for? They’re just bags of bones.”

         “Aye love, men like a bit of summat to get hold of,” her dad agreed.

         But it wasn’t a man Pauline craved for. All she wanted was to control her own diet and acquire the self esteem she felt she lacked due to her size.

         “You don’t need to diet love; it’s only puppy fat.”

         Pauline knew it wasn’t. Tears stung at the back of her eyes.


After leaving home and starting university Pauline believed she would soon be able to shed the excess fat she hated. It didn’t happen. With new friends and a hectic social life, Pauline found it almost impossible to stick to a diet and to top it, she developed a taste for the booze. It gave her false confidence and helped her to become the life and soul of every party. Certainly popular, she felt her friends only liked her because they all looked slim by comparison. She constantly compared herself to her sylph-like associates and became steeped in self loathing. Her friends tried to reassure her.

         “Oh Pauline, stop complaining, you’re lovely as you are. Fat people are always so jolly and you have a lovely face.”

         Tears welled in Pauline’s eyes.


Despite her efforts to diet Pauline walked down the aisle in a wedding dress two sizes larger than she'd planned. She knew she was loved by her new husband but how much more would he love her if she were slim? This was the incentive Pauline felt she needed; she would do it for him. But Michael liked to eat out and praised her home cooking and it became even more difficult to abstain from the taboo food she knew she shouldn’t eat.

         “I don’t know what you’re worrying about,” Michael reassured her. “You’re fine as you are; plenty to cuddle up to.”

         Tears filled Pauline’s eyes.


Of course, bearing a son and a daughter caused more weight gain. Pauline grew quite obsessed by her size and constantly talked about her supposed obesity and how happy she would be if she were slim. She never forced her children to eat everything as she had been made to do but found herself forever finishing off their leftovers which didn’t help her cause.

         “Not hungry, darling? I wish I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t be so bloody fat.” She sighed, taking away her daughter’s half eaten dinner.

         “Oh Pauline, give it a rest will you? The kids will get sick of hearing about it. You’re fine as you are. A bit of middle aged spread, that’s all.”

         Tears rolled down Pauline’s cheeks as she turned away.


“No potatoes for me Mum” Rachel stated firmly.

         Pauline could never have imagined the fear and dread such innocent words would instill in her. She turned and gazed into the hollow eyed, alabaster face of her once pretty teenage daughter, her throat constricting.

         “How much further is this going to go? You don’t eat enough to keep a fly alive.”

         As Rachel recoiled Pauline instantly regretted her outburst. Oh God, this was all her fault. So wrapped up had she been in her own torment about her size she had failed to notice her sensitive daughter absorbing her misery and unspoken messages about food. Had not seen the signs of an eating disorder far worse than her own.

         “Please, darling try,” she begged her anorexic daughter, the tears spilling uncontrollably down her cheeks.