The Greatest Novel Ever Written

The Greatest Novel Ever Written


John woke up in the morning thinking about how great his life is. Then he remembered that he was a stupid piece of trailer trash that will never amount to anything. He looked around his 6ft by 7 bedroom for his clock. Before witnessing its location, he had seen all his crap on the floor, ranging from clothes to various items he found in the dump. He also noted crumbs of food mixed with crumbs of the deteriorating wall. After observing all these useless sights, John finally found his clock under a spare toilet seat (another gift of the dump) and found that it was 7:50.

"Bull-shit!" exclaimed John as he got out of bed (or slightly modified picnic table) and grabbed some either clean or dirty clothes (like he would know) off the floor. He tripped a couple of times while rapidly trying to pull them on, and emerged from his room wearing an "I'm with stupid" shirt. He ran into the kitchen, grabbing a pop-tart and shoving it into his mouth. After choking a bit, he shoved his head into the sink and deposited water from the faucet into his mouth. He then crashed out the door of the trailer and sprinted into the woods beyond the trailer park he called his home. After a couple of minutes of running, he came to a sewer connected river, and studied the rocks that jutted out of it. He jumped to the first one, maneuvered to the second one, and was about to proceed to the third when he slipped. He fell into the shallow and odor-filled river, regarded what had just happened, got up, and continued his journey. He came to the edge of the woods and arrived onto school property. He still had one more obstacle, which happened to be a rather steep hill, which would protect the school from floods. He ran up the steep hill, tripped, rolled back down to the bottom. He repeated this three times, never noticing the people walking up the specially built walkway for the hill. He finally got all the up with all his balance and ran to the building's door. He pushed it open just in time to hear the bell ring. He was late for school.

"We do not tolerate this kind of behavior!" Mr. Angre, the principal of Londrei Hills High School, bellowed at John in his small office. "You show no responsibility for any of your responsibilities and you never.. stop looking over there! You are an embarrassment to this school, and on top of that, you smell like you took a bath in your toilet! I swear, if you are late for school one more time, you will be expelled! I am going to give you one more chance to live an expectable social life, but for this incident right here, I expect you to attend detention for the next two weeks starting next Monday. Do you understand what I am saying Mr. John Fluscher?"

"You lost me half way through," John replied.

"You will never succeed in life with that smart-ass attitude!" yelled Mr. Angre

"Try telling that to Drew Carey," muttered John.

"What was that!?"

"I said that your fat and your butt is hairy!"

John walked down the stairs and headed toward his 3rd hour class; he had missed the first two with Angre yelling at him. He walked into room 203, his English class, and slumped down into his chair thinking about how much school sucked.

"Something smells like the ass of an ass!" complained one of John's classmates, "and I think its coming from Trailer Trash!" John repositioned himself in his seat, being known as a Mr. Trailer Trash himself.

"God-damn, John, you wreak!" proclaimed another one of his friendly classmates.

"What happened, did you fall in the river or forget to wipe your ass!?" The bell rang.

"Now is the time to shut up, you little maggots," came the slightly girlish voice of their teacher, Mr. Musti. "We have a lot to learn today… err.., will, actually one thing. It's called creative writing, which is writing without stealing too much material from your textbooks or your boring and stupid childhood memories. Some of you non-dropouts might use creative writing in your careers and may make a lot of money." The money part sparked one of the two brain cells in John's head.