The Black Guppy

The Black Guppy

All of my life I have loved animals. All kinds of animals. I loved lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my! But most of all I loved guppies. Guppies were the greatest of all creatures. They swam and they blubbed. In case you don’t know, blubbing is when a fish opens its mouth and a blub-like noise comes out. Every time I heard this noise I giggled. Giggled like a school girl.

If you haven’t already figured it out, I am a man. A man with the name of Julius Christ. A man who never moved out of his mother’s house. This story is one that most cannot handle. So, if you have a weak mind turn away now. Don’t read this story. It won’t be a happy one. In fact, I don’t think anyone should read it. Some of the deeds are of pure evil. Also, do not recreate in any way any of the events that are about to be blotted down on this damned sheet of paper. I don’t want a lawsuit.

My mom bought me lots of pets throughout my life. I loved them all. One day she bought me a pet that was my favorite kind of animal: a guppy. That guppy became my best friend. I hugged, and pet it, and took it for walks on the beach. The guppy loved me too. He would give this cute little smile when I was around and sometimes he would look right into my eyes and blub a faint little blub. I believe that this blub meant, “I love you Julius.” Sometimes he would walk up to me when I was sad and he would rub against my leg and it would always cheer me up. He was my only friend until one fateful day where I went to a high school party. This fateful day where the horror starts. I went to the party and there was a lot of people there. One guy told me that if I drank alcohol then the pretty girls would want to dance with me. At first, it didn’t work. But like my mom tells me to do, I tried and tried again. Finally, I woke up in a snow bank with no clothes on. Now I found this weird. Mostly because I don’t remember going to sleep or taking my clothes off but also because it was the middle of June. I wobbled myself to my mom’s house and went into the basement and sat down on my bed. That was when Charles walked up to me, Charles is the name of my guppy, and blubbed a sweet little blub. This sweet little blub only seemed to get on my nerves. But I acted naturally anyway. I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of my guppy.

This same routine happened week after week. I would get drunk, pass out and come home in the morning. Every week I seemed more and more annoyed with my guppy. My poor innocent guppy. One day, my guppy walked up to me while I was playing a video game and blubbed at me. This caught me off guard and I lost the game I was playing. Now, if you have a weak mind this would be the time to turn away. This is your last chance. I turned and faced Charles. My heart bleeds as I write these horrid words. I grabbed Charles and I ripped off one of his fins. I felt so horrible after doing this. I couldn’t even look at Charles anymore. The sight of him reminded me of my awful mistake. The fact that my temper was consuming me like the clouds do to the sun on a rainy day.

Charles learned how to live with only one of his fins. He couldn’t swim as well and dancing was out of the question, especially the Macarena. However, he could still drum just as well as he had before. After this tragic incident I decided to give up my drinking habits. I no longer wanted to hurt Charles. But it wasn’t as easy as I had thought. I kept getting cravings for alcohol and finally my cravings consumed me as my temper had done just a few days ago. I broke into a store and stole their alcohol. The next few days became a blur. But after that blur came the most horrid of events ever to occur. I did a deed that Satan himself would spit at. I would belong no where after this. Hell would look at me in disgust and I would deserve it.

I walked up to Charles. He was playing the drums at that moment. When he saw me he tried to run away. I was too quick and I grabbed him. He was so scared. His shakes transferred through my whole body. I took him and held him under water. I was going to drown him. Then I realized that fish cannot be drowned. That is when I committed my deed of pure horror. I cannot spit the dreadful words from my mouth nor blot them down on this paper. Let’s just say that it was the best fish sandwich I had ever had. But I felt horrible for eating it. It was horrible, I put him on a slice of wheat bread with Miracle Whip on it. Then I put on some lettuce, and cucumbers, and a dash of salt. Then I topped it off with another slice of wheat bread. As I bit into the crunchy, flaky, and lightly sweet sandwich my humanity left me. It packed its bags and said goodbye.

After weeks of doing nothing but drinking I decided to go to a party. I hoped that the party would help me forget about my awful deed. However, while I was at the party I noticed a guppy on the dance floor. A guppy that was pure black except one little spot of white on his chest. A guppy that obviously knew the Macarena pretty well. He was a great dancer. Just like Charles. I asked around trying to figure out who owned the guppy and no one made any claim. I guess no one owned him. I went out on the dance floor and started to dance with him.

I woke up in a pile of snow. I looked to my right and I swore that Charles was right next to me. After my eyes cleared up a little I realized that it wasn’t Charles. It was the guppy from last night. I tried to ignore it. The guppy reminded me of Charles and what I did to him. It made me sick. I walked home. The guppy followed. He followed me all the way to my basement. He walked over to the drum set and played a song. He played the same song that Charles would always play. As each word came out my heart broke in another place. Those dammed words of Mary had a Little Lamb. I just closed my eyes and tried to ignore this new guppy. This guppy from hell.

When I awoke the guppy was lying at my feet purring. Now this angered and confused me. I never knew a fish could purr. That was when I noticed what the white spot on the chest of this new fish was. It was in the shape of a sandwich. I tried to ignore it. But every time this guppy would hop over to me I would see. I would look right at it and not be able to look away. Between this spot and the guppy’s affection I slowly was driven insane.

One day I became infuriated with the new guppy and I chased it down with a fork. I almost had the guppy when I was tripped by a cord from my Playstation. I turned around and stabbed my fork into the top of the Playstation and killed it instantly. A few minutes later I had finally realized what had just happened. I knew that my wall wasn’t put together well so I could hide the Playstation in there. I didn’t want anyone to figure out what had happened.

I pulled the bricks out one by one until there was a big enough gap to fit the body in it. I carefully placed my kill into the wall and replaced the bricks. Then I went to look for the guppy. I couldn’t find the guppy anywhere. I couldn’t find him here or there. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I couldn’t find him in my house. I couldn’t find him with a mouse. Finally, I gave up. He was nowhere to be found. I decided that I would take a nap and start fresh when I woke up. I would forget about all of this killing and live my life the way I had before. However, things didn’t go the way I planned for them to.

I woke up to the sound of people calling my name. I opened my eyes and I couldn’t see anyone. I knew they must have been somewhere near me. I yelled back to them. That was when they figured out where I was. They pulled down the bricks and found me and my Playstation. Apparently I had walled myself up in the wall. When they saw the body of the Playstation I knew that they would arrest me. I didn’t want to go to prison. So I attacked the police officers and got arrested for assault.

For some reason they didn’t charge me for the murders of my Playstation and my fish. However, I did go to court and tried to plead my case about the assault on the officers. I lost. When my guilty conscience got the best of me I told them about killing the fish and Playstation and the judge ruled me “insane” or something like that. I wasn’t really paying attention. The other black guppy was outside the window of the courtroom dancing the Macarena.

Now this takes me to the damned place where I am blotting down this horrible story. I don’t know where it is but I am surrounded by four very thick white walls. The walls are also very soft. I get fed three times a day through a little opening on the bottom of the door. Now I shall end this horrid story because I am tired from the shot they just gave me and because this is the end of the story.