A Simple Boring Death

Simple boring life

Scene: a dark room. Mid room is a coffin, dark wood, with a couch and two chairs set around it as if it was a table with a few magazines on it.

(The lid of the coffin opens half way, the magazines slide off to the floor and closes again. Then the lid opens all the way. The occupant of the coffin sits up and yons, puts on a pare of obstructive horn rimmed glasses and turns off the coffins inner nightlight. He looks like he’s in his late 30's vary pale and thin. He pulls himself out of the coffin sluggishly and without grace tripping on the rim spilling himself face first into the couch.)

Occupant: Damn. My name is Herman and I work in relocation and identity creation.

(Herman turns on the light switch on the wall. The room is revealed to be a vary ordinary living room except for the coffin/coffee table in the middle.)

now I know what your thinking “He just got out of a coffin! He’s a vampire!! That’s so COOL!” well let me tell you, for some people it is, but not me. I’ve never been cool.

(Herman moves over to a mini bar and pushes a hidden button which causes the surface to rotate moving the untouched bottles of liqueur out of the way and bringing into view several clear bottles of blood each with a miniature missing persons posters on them in black and white.)

no I didn’t kill or kidnap any of them, that was some one else.

(Herman reaches out and takes one of the bottle hesitantly, almost as if he was afraid of it, which he is. Herman gives a deep sigh)

I hate blood, the sight of it frightens me and makes me feel sick every time. What I really wish I was drinking was some coffee, light decaf with sugar.

(Herman takes the bottle and places it in the microwave in his kitchen and sets it to heat.)

my therapist doesn’t fined that as such a big deal. Course he’s still alive, he still eats.

(While the microwave works Herman tightens up his robe and walks over to the bathroom.
~Camera angle: the reflection of an empty bathroom in a sink mirror. A hand reaches out without casting a reflection in the mirror, opens the medison cabinet and removes a tooth brush and tooth paste~
herald proceeds to brush his teeth.)

I had a boring, mundane, life and now that im dead not much has changed but tonight, wether I knew it or not, that was going to change.
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Scene: A goth S&M club, techno Goth. music playing in the background. As the camera makes its way throw the crowd you see a lot of people warring dark clothing, woman in bodices of read and black lace or black leather, men in black pants and no shirts showing pail muscled chests, women in dark elegant dresses, men in suites and sunglasses despite the low lighting. The camera moves in on a corner booth with Herman looking uptight and nerves, almost panicked as usual and another man across from him. The other man is wearing a black leather jacket, black T-shirt, black jeans, and sunglasses. He has a short beard and a large grin on his face showing off two sharp pointy teeth. The man licks some blood of his lower lip and takes another drink from his glass.

The other guy in the booth: so what do you think of the changes I made to the club?

(Herman fights a little and looks around again.)

Herman: Ya, its grate.

The other guy: Oh come on man have some fun for once! Keep acting like that and there going to think your dead or something!”

That’s jock. One of my few friends and the only vampire I really know. He talked me into helping him star this club, “Club Twilight”. I always hated that name its so cliche it hurts.

Jock: Herman you really need help.

Herman: Ya, ya, ya im getting help, im seeing doctor Lennard twice a week now, says im making real progress.

Jock: No I mean real help man. The guys a quack and besides he’s a human, he cant help you. Look I found this guy, a Shepard, I told him all about you and he’s interested.

A shepard is a vampire master who takes in new vampires that don’t have masters and shows them the ropes, tells them what’s what.


Herman: Why would he wont to help me? what’s it guna cost?

Jock: Relax man, he said you sound like a challenge, besides he’s a nice guy.

NICE and vampires don't go together. It’s a contradiction in terms. Jock's the most friendly vampire I ever met and he was still an asshole most of the time.

Jack: Herman your really starting to get on my nerves man. Look at you, you’re a fucking vampire for shit’s sake and you don't hunt, you can't stand blood, your fucking scared of the dark, you’re a hypochondriac!-

See what I mean?

-Hell, when was the last time you got lade?

(Herman fidgets and looks decisive.)

Herman: What year is this?

Jock: This is what im talking about. your one of the un-dead, the elite. pussy should be banging your door to get in. You should be able to pick up any chick in here bang um and drain them dry, but look at you. your dressed like you’re a college professor, sitting in a quite corner away from everything and every one. I practically have to drag you out of your apartment to get you to have a good time.

Herman: You’re here.

Jock: ya. im am. im here because im making one last try to get you shape up before I give up on your sorry ass for good.

Herman: Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, so what’s this shepard’s name, I’ll meet him and see if it works out.

Jock smiles because he won. He always wins.

Jock: His name is John Le. he is at this address-

(he hands over a paper)

Be their on time and ready to do some work, ok. now that, that’s settled-

(Jock snaps his fingers at the bar tender and he directs a couple of ladies over to us.)

-I would like you to meet Samantha and Janean. I told them all about you.

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(There are legends that say vampires cant enter a place unless there invited. it's bullshit but if on vampire tries to go into another’s territory one or the other usually ends up dead, or deader at least.)

(Herman is standing outside a door marked "Le's Dojo". Herman is looking nervously in either direction keeping an eye out. a mid 20's Japanese guy in a karate gi answers the door.)

Japanese guy: Hello, you must be Herman son, please come in.

Herman: thanks, is mister Le in? Im supposed to meet with him.

Japanese guy: Hm, we do have a lot of work to do, don't we? Could you tell at least that I am a vampire?

(It dawns on Herman that this is Le. He was expecting some one older.)

Herman: No I didn't sorry about that mister Le. I was just expecting some one older.

Le: I am older. you have to remember, we stop ageing when we die, some even revert to how thy looked in there prime.

(The inside of le's dojo has wall to wall japanese matting and rice paper wall dividers. Just think of any kung foo movie you've ever seen.)

Herman: Oh.

(Was his only reply and it sounded stupid even to him.)

Le: Alright lets begin. First, you can refer to me as master or sensey which ever you proffer.

Herman: Sensey I guess.

Le: That’s fine. First please bring over that crate to the weight lifting machine.

(Herman Looks at the crate. It's full of about a hundred 100 pound weights and the crate is made of steal.)

Herman: There is no way I can lift that

Le: Always address me as sensay and when ever I order you to do something you do it, you do not give me excuses.

Herman: Oh, sorry, but really there’s no way I can lift that.

(Le glares at Herman.)

Herman: . . . . Um sensay?

Le: just go over to the crate and try to lift it.

(Herman tries to lift the crate but can't. He tries again after getting another angry glare from Le and nearly falls threw a paper divider when his hand slips.)

Le: you truly fined yourself unable to lift the crate? But you are a vampire, by your nature it should be no grate task.

(Le walks over to the crate and lifts it with no effort at all and brings it over to the weight machines.)

Le: Herman son get on the bench press and prepare to lift some weights, I wont to see how much you can lift.

(After about thirty minutes of Herman failing to lift the weights and Le taking them off Herman succeeds in lifting 90 pounds.)

Herman: Can I put this down now please . . . sensay?

Le: Yes put it down. Now I wont you to close your eyes and focus. focus on there being no wait at all, im going to add ten pounds and then you will lift.

(Herman closes his eyes and tries hard to imagine that he’s just going to lift the bar and that there wont be any wight at all)

Le: right, now lift.

(Herman slowly begins to lift the bar and the bar slowly rises)

Le: Herman son how heavy would you say the wight is?

Herman: a hundred pounds I guess (Le clears his throat) um sensay?

Le: now still concentrating open your eyes.

(Herman opens his eyes and sees that about a thousand pounds has been added to the bar, emedeatly his arms give out and the bar comes crashing down on his chest.)

Herman: AAAAH! Fuck, get this thing off of me!

Le: but Herman you were just lifting it, take it off yourself.

(Herman is freaking out and gasping in agony.)

Herman: its to heavy, I cant breath! (Again Le glares) sensay. (Herman strangles out but Le continues to glare.)

Le: I instructed you to do something, you will do it! You are not choking, you do not breath, you do not feel pain.
(Herman continues to choke, weiss and fails to lift the bar.)

Le: I suggest that you lift that bar off of yourself some time before the sun rises. Those windows do let the sun in and I will be vary annoyed if I will have to sweep you up.

(Herman succeeds in rolling the bar down his body and onto his foot which he proceed to grab in pain and hop around the room.)

Le: close enough. Lets move on to the next task.

Herman: no, im going, your crazy sensay. Your trying to kill me!

Le: is your foot broken?

(Herman still holding his foot sits down, takes off his shoe and sock and looks at his foot.)

Herman: it looks fine.

Le: but you dropped a thousand pounds on it, how is that possible?

Herman: well I am a vampire . . .

Le: does it still hurt?

(Herman doesn’t assure, he just keeps rubbing it reflexively.)

Le: remove your other shoe and sock. You should always remove them when you enter the dojo.



this is what I have typed up so far. If you are interested in me posting the complected work then say so and I will when I can