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The ups and downs and the ins and outs! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  I am just getting used to this "blogging" thing so bare with me! ( I am also aware that my grammar, punctuation and spelling need working on.)
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| Blog City Day 129 July 10th Promt: If I could have any author, living or dead write my biography who would it be and why. Being an Aussie I would have Bryce Courtenay Write my biography. He is known as one of Australia's finest writers. South african born he has spent most of his life living and working in Australia. He has written over 20 novels one being non-fiction about his journey through his son Damons battle and death of HIV/Aids. His son urged him to write it to dispel the myths around HIV and who suffers from it. I would want him to write it becaue he could maintain the Aussie feel to my story so it wouldn't lose it's essence when it came to aussie slang and terminology. the fact that he has also gone through tremendous struggle through out his life he too could bring deep feeling to my lifes issues. Courtenay dided aged 79 in 2012 after a long battle with Stomach cancer. He will be sadly missed. Blessisngs Andi |
| BCOF day 599 July 10th Promt: assumuming that the legalization of marijuana and gay marriage are the 'hot button issues in our current times. What do you think the next hot button social issues will be and why. First of all I hope I am not too late with this. Time has just got away from me in the last 24 hours. Anyways! I looked at this promt last night as I was cooking the two big kids homemade pizza. I my mind just went blank. I was tired and also aware that I had to get Taj to bed in 20 mins time. So I posed the question to my 19 yr old son Channing and my 16 yr old daughter Mahalia. At first I was met with the usual teenage grunts of 'I don't know" and 'What the hell are you talking about?' so I put it to them again giving a deeper explanation and finishing off with 'You are both constantly on social media, what are some recurring mem's, conversations that are flying around that you think as a society we need to look at' Mahalia was to first to say 'I got one' and then followed with. "I get so annoyed about the fact that we live in a male dominated society and that women get paid less than a man to do the exact same job" I replied to her that that has been a hot topic since the dawn of time. It is a topic that rises and goes by the wayside again with each new generation. I agreed with her and of course validated her feelings on that one. And I was proud of her feminiest streak. (she got that from me!) She also went on to say that she hate the way women are treated and perceveiced in modern society. Channing then of course piped up and said 'But it has got better!' but then realised he was opening a massive can of worms so left it at that. Channing then gave his opinion on what needed to be looked at by society and that was this "that junkies and dero's should have to get a licience to have children" I was suprised to hear him say that as when there dad and I were young and just having them we had often discussed that there should be a licience for having kids. Now here was my a boy of 19 saying the same thing. Channing went on to talk about how junkies and dero's should not be able to have kids (he has a young not really friend but someone who was hanging onto the group who was out of control on drugs and she fell pregnant and has since had a baby but didn't stop using) I was quick to make the point that it wasnt just about junkies and dero's because there were plenty of extremly well of people who are deemed by society to have it all and were valued citizens of society, but had no clue of having and raising a child. That is when he said then that all people should have to have a licience. Channing also came up with another couple of ideas that were well a little bit too masojonistic. And as I felt Mahlia's blood pressure rising I thought I would leave those ones be. The last comment I heard her say to her brother was "I just lost all respect for you" the words were almost spat at him. So there it is that is what the younger generation would like to see a 'Hot Topics' As for me I would love it if society finally took it's head out of the sand and openly discussed the fact that alcohol is in fact a 'Drug'. just like any other prescribed or illicit drug. I can't stand people who when they are talking about someone in whispered tones saying "they have a bit of a probem with drugs" and it is said with judgment and is oh so patronizing. I feel like turning around and saying "Yeah, but you don't mind drinking a bottle of wine every night do you!" and they do because they flippin always post it on facebook about how drunk they were on the weekend etc... So that is something that really pisses me off! I am not anti alcohol but am sick of the ignorance surrounding it. Blessings Andi |
| Blog City Day 128 July 9th Prompt: Do you believe in reincarnation Do I believe in reincarnation? Short answer is Yes I do! But how I got to believe in it is a longer story. I was never christened as a baby! This has nothing to do with my belief in reincarnation, but I just had a moment where I felt I had to get it off my chest. It is something that never used to bother me but now in my 40's it does bother me...just a bit. I can never remember reincarnation or religion/spiritualisim being spoken about in my household as a youngen growing up to the age of 14yr. Although my parents sent me to a private Methodist school for my primary school years where we did religious education. Then on the weekends they would force me to go to Sunday school with our elderly neighbor next door. (they never attended, not that I remember). I would listen to the teachings at school and church and I enjoyed them but I never felt a connection to them. even as young as 5 I knew I didn't believe in what was being taught, At the age of 12 my father died suddenly. It was very traumatic as I found him after I came home from shcool one afternoon in his bed where he had laid down to rest obviously not feeling well. That night I remember being so very angry with him that he had just left me. I was'nt aware of my beliefs then and my Mother was of no help I don't remember her consolodating me and she most likley said only hours after it happened 'well you just gotta put it behind you Mandy and just get on with life' She has always been such an inspiration...NOT! Anyway the next few years passed in a haze of a few dream like memories as trauma had given me some very lengthy black out periods of my life. When I was 14 and in Year 9 of high school I fell in Love (Yes love at 14, so young and dumb). I only went to school for the social aspect and when classes were on I wagged only returning for recess and lunch to socialize. I was a little lost soul. The end of year 9 I was expelled for Truency and within a few weeks of that I had moved in with my now boyfriend and his father. My Mother helped me leave because "there is nothing I can do about it!" Yeah good one MUM. Anyways It was here that Simon my boy/man and his Father would talk about reincarnation and other spiritual aspects as we would sit around the table getting drunk or stoned. But the point is when such things were spoken about somewhere in side me it felt like home. It felt like I had known this my whole life as each word they would speak I was nodding saying I know, I Know and I did know, I am just not sure how I knew. There is only my sister and I from my parents and she too had a spiritual side though I didn't realise till I had moved out and she would join us at Simons to get wasted and our whole group would have discussions on reincarnation. I find it interesting that we both had the same beliefs, though I never remember us discussing it before this time. The only thing that bugs me sometimes is that I might have to come back and do it all again as I still might not have learnt the lessons I came down here to learn. But If I do, then I do. But I tell you when I am mapping my blueprint out before I re-enter I'll definatley be adding some different things...  Somthing I only thought of after I had clicked compete edit was that I didn't actually give a connection or closure to the fact I told you my Dad had died and the link of speaking about reincarnation. No my Dad did't stand at the end of my bed late one night or come to me in a dream speaking kind words of rassurance to me. (would have been good if he did.) It wasn't till my early thirties when I finally took off my "rose coloured glass" that I realised he wasn't that good a Dad. And I finally found some peace about his passing.(only took me about 20 yrs Jeez!) at around the same time I went and had a psychic reading and he came and gave me a message and all he said was 'Sorry' That meant a lot and I was finally able to put that part to rest. Do I believe he has had to come and do it all over again. Damn straight! Blessings Andi Sub note: I have a deep respect for everyones personal beliefs. My beliefs are not right nor wrong but they are my personal beliefs. At no time am I implying that other peoples belief systems are wrong. I learn from all. |
| DCOF day 598 July 9th Prompt: Look out the window and write a story or poen about what you see. The last four weeks I have found myself in this office, waiting. While on the other side of the closed door my angel, my blessing is learning how to grow her wings amongst the chaos of her mind. Today, partly because of circumstance ( There are to other people sitting on my sofa coach oblivious that they are in my spot!) I find myself facing the glass windows that run from the ground to the ceiling. There is a panel of frosted glass that runs through the middle to provide privacy, for people like myself who are left to wait and ponder their own contributions to this situation. At the bottom of the window pane, the gap my eyes can see is a red brrick pavement. It makes me wonder about the thousands of people who have walked that path before me. Were they happy or sad or maybe they just 'were!' At the top of the panel I can see the tops of everal trees that grace the car park across the road. The branches are gently swaying in the light cool breeze. Two of them haveen stripped to their bare selves, exposed, naked and raw to the elements of a harsh winter. I like these ones the best because it is as if we are in "Natures time" as one. Both feeling raw, tripped of what we once were, or in my case, thought I was. The sky behind is a blotchy mix of dark and light greys. This part of my visual world feels like it is sealed in by the blanketed sky, with not one pinprick of blue being allowed to reveal itself. Although it is gloomy and cold out the window and I am fully aware that it is a reflection of myself. I find I am peaceful, settled almost, for the first time today. I thank the window for sharing this moment with me...I wonder what it will share with me next week! Subnote: I write this not even knowing if this costitutes a short story in terms of technicality. Still just learning. Blessings Andi |
{image:1971183 Day 127 July 8th Prompt: What is the lesson in life that took you way too long to figure out. Well there are a mutitude of lessons that have taken me way to long to figure out. But I think the biggest lesson I have learnt that has taken me 43 yrs to work out (oh and by the way I am only 43) is that I Amanda Aiyana (AKA Andi) is "Good Enough" and "Worthy". My whole life I have felt defective in some way, never good enough for anyone or anything. I have always seen my friends as better than me, my partners as better than me, my family better than me, infact the whole world has been better than me. Without a doubt many of the world is in someways better than me but that is cool as well. It is not a competition that I have to win. I have never felt that I was worthy of anything but most of all my own love and accceptence. There is a saying/quote (not sure who penned it) that says 'The greatest relationship you will ever have in your life, is the relationship with yourself'. I am not sure why it has taken me so long to work this out and it is still something I have to work on, everyday. It was such a deep core belief of mine, that is has taken me many years of therapy and personal growth to finally start believing that I am good enough and worthy enough. There is another saying 'Fake it till you make it." This is very true and is something I had to do for many years. On a cognative level I understood that I was good enough but I did not "FEEL" that I was good enough. So I had to fake it, tell myself daily that I was a worthy being who was deserving. I did not believe the statement I was telling myself for about 4 years. Finally though I started to actually feel that I was believing the statement. In very short terms it has been a shit fight, a long hard road but it has been worth it. And did it really take way too long! Possibly not. because it is my journey and my process and this is the path it took Blessings Andi |
| BCOF Day 597 July 8th Prompt: Head to your favourite fellow blogger page take the third sentence in the post and work it into a new post. (I chose a random blog out of my favourites. Thank you Charlie ~   )Saturday Night I was with a couple of guys. Oh hang on a minute I will have to change this to an X rating...   JOKING!!!!!!!! ... Or am I! |
| ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day 596 Prompt: Write about a great day This is a day I find myself thinking about so very often and it was over 16 yrs ago. November 21st 1997 One this day I gave birth to my second child but first daughter. It is a day etched so deeply in my heart that I will NEVER Forget! 9 months earlier I discovered I was pregnant again. It was of no suprise to me because we had discusssed having another child and It seems I only need to have the thought that I would like another child and WHAM! I'm pregnant. I knew three days after I concieved that I was pregnant through no tests, It was just a knowing. So the journey had just begun and a journey it was. My first child my dear son was born by C-Section and was very "Medical" This time I decided I wanted a natural home water birth (and yes I am a person of extremes  So my vision became something I lived and breathed for 9 months. Attending support groups of women who had, had themselves a Vaginal Birth After Ceaserean or VBAC. My wall was adorned by affirmations and I did 'Creative Visualization' several times a day to create the birth I wanted from going into labour to my child entering this world. I worked hard for this. As the day drew close we set up the water tub in the middle of our dining room in our small unit had a mattress next to it with clean towels I had my post treatment kit of Calendula for douching of my going to be sore bits. I have never felt as alive as I did during this pregnancy, I was calm, focused and really happy. Finally I started to get a few twinges but noth substantial but I rang my Midwife and she came at about 2 am in the morning. My partner started filling the tub as it was huge and had to be nice and hot. we soon worked out that as soon as I sat down and stopped moving so did my contractions. So I walked and walked and walked and walked...for 5 hours straight. Never stopping once because as soon as I did the contractions would stop again. I tell you I was almost going dizzy as our unit was not big so I mapped out a route and just kept going. As the hours of walking started drawing to an end the contractions were getting pretty intense and after one particular contraction I threw up. This took me by suprise as I am extremly phobic of vomiting but luckily I was to consumed by the pain to give it much thought. We decided it was time to get in the tub. The water was so hot and inviting. My body was so thankful for it. I was half squatting and the contractions started coming hard and fast and after every contraction I would just scream "BUCKET" and proceed to throw up again. Time was non existant, endophines were rushing through my body and i felt as high as a kite on them. Being a home birth there was no medicine for pain relief, I had to rely on my body to provide that and it did not let me down. I remember the first contraction where I had the feeling to push and for some reason it scared the hell out of me I grabbed my midwife by her shirt and pulled her to me till my face was within inches of hers and screamed "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE". She was so calm she just said "Amanda...you need to let go of me now" I did of course and she talked me through the change and from then on with each contraction it was push, push,push. about an hour later (I think) I could feel the very top of my babies head begining to form and about 4 pushes later she had arrived. The next minute was the most amazing coming from water and going to water she could stay underwater for some time. I was able to slowy move her through the water, ever so gently, bring her higher and higher slowly and lovingly preparing her for being exposed to air for the first time. having her face down I gently lifter her from the water, face down meant all water could naturally drain from her lungs and as it did I gently rubbed her back stimulating her to take her first breat of air. I brought her to my shoulder and she grunted a few noises as she got used to breathing, but she did not cry or scream, Mahalia-Rose just 'Was.' At that point in time ( I believe it was around 9.17am) I was the happiest most fullfilled woman on the planet. It was one of the greatest days of my life. Now! here is the funny part. My midwife, partner and doula got me out of the tub and i sat on the matress leaning my back against the wall. my midwife wieghed and measured Mahalia- Rose and then I held her again. through all this I felt like I was completley drugged out of my brain from all the endorphines so everything became very surreal. I then remember my midwife looking concerned but it didn't worry me. I was losing a lot of blood and as soon as Mahalia --Rose was born I ceased to have even one more contraction. Now this was a problem of course because I had to deliver the placenta, well we waited she was pushing on my tummy and doing some other things to try and stimulate me (though I have no recolection of what they were feeling stoned). Then everyone around me had concerned looks and I was being transported to hospital. But I really didn't care, I was still the happiest woman on the planet. Anyways long story short they knocked me out and got the placenta out and I spent a night in hospital. Ok that last part wasn't that funny but this bit is funny to me. through the 9 months of using 'Creative Visualisation' the whole time I did it, not once did I visulise birthing the placenta. So I never did! My other children's births were also the greatest days of my life and I look forward to sharing those another time. Blessings Andi |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog City Day 157 August 7th 2014 Prompt: Which door will you open. Narnia, Hogwarts, Wonderland, Camelot, Nerverland,Middle Earth or Westeros (lord of the rings geography area) I would open the door to Hogwarts any day of the week. Though I would prefer to be there when he who must not be named is long gone. How exciting it would be to be in a land of magic and magical creatures. Oh, what I would give to stand in the great hall and see the night sky above me with thousands of candles hovering in mid air. I would definatley sit beside Hermanie in every class, so I could look over her shoulder. I would spend the day laughing at Ron's air head comments. harry would be my school crush. This sounds like a wonderful adventure. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** BCOF: Day 627 August 7th 2014 Prompt: "I knew it was going to be a bad day" I knew it was going to be a bad day, when I woke at 2.20am, finding that sleep was not going to bless me any longer. By 8am after doing my blogging and having a look around WDC I was restless and tired but had to prepare for the day ahead. I did some tidying up, as we have a house inspection next Thursday, and I have a junk room that is in turmoil. I got Taj to school, where he decided to have a cry and not want me to leave. I handed him over and ran for the door. I always feel terrible when he does this, and of course today was his worst one ever. I then went home and pottered around doing everything to keep myself going. I had an hour before I had to take Anisa to her tutor, so I managed to spit out a couple of loads of washing and do the dishes. The tutor went okay though I was politley berated for not marking her homework, thus it took them nearly all their time together on just that. All I heard was it meant I now had to fit more into my day! we returned home and exhaustion was getting the better of me. But Channing and the girls decided I needed to go get them their lunch, they were paying so off I went. By the time I returned I was starting to have palpitations from exhaustion (Chronic fatigue syndrome at it's best) I handed over the food, took my boots off and went straight to my bed where I knew I had and hour and fifteen minutes, to doze before I picked up Taj. Now this is where the day goes from bad to worse. I dragged myself out of bed at 2.45 had a drink and a ciggie and then went to get the car key to go collect Taj from school. NO CAR KEY! Now I misplace my car key all the time so I wasn't to stressed it just meant that I had put it on the kitechen bench instead of ontop of the microwave. Hmm...no where to be seen. still not panicking I went to my bed to see if i had carried it in there with my phone when I went to snooze...Not there either. Now it was now 5 minutes after the school bell had gone so I rang the school and told them I would be there ASAP. So I half ran to the school with brolly in hand and collected Taj. while I did this on foot Anisa was looking for the key, she is the one who would usually find it for me. But even she could not find it. The magical vortex of this house has just consumed my car key! My sister has a spare so kevin drove me to get it. he was then going to drop the girls off at yoga and I was to collect them at 7pm, getting Taj's oat milk (the only thing he will drink) before hand. But the spare key doesn't work. I jumped in the car and it would'nt shut off the immobilizer, it is do with the casing around the key. Stuck! I sent a message to the girls that I would leave a 50$ note under my crystal at the front door for a cab, while Taj and I walked in the dark to the supermarket to get his milk. I am exhausted by this time. On my return I see they are not back yet so go to get the $50 note and managed to rip that completly in half. My feeling of desperating was overwhelming. I stood and deeply pondered what the message from the universe was! Slow down, we really do not want you to drive!...I am still wondering as today is another day it is 6.45am and still no key.  And that is how I roll Blessings Andi |
| I know it was a stupid thing to say, but before I could even think about it...it just flew out of my mouth. I instantly felt regret but all the regret in the world could not take back what I just said. For a split second in time, that felt like an eternity we both stood staring at each other. Me with a look in my eye of 'I didn't mean it" and him, his face full of deep disapointment and pain. His eyes welled wet moisture but the tears didn't come, he would not give the the satisfaction of crying in front of me. The thing is although I felt regret immidiatley I also, on a deeper level did want to hurt him by saying what I said. For I had learnt from the best just how cutting a few bitter spoken words could be and now finally it was my turn to cut him deeply with my spiked tongue. It made me recoil though. I was not like him an anyway what so ever. I was not mean and scarey. I didn't intimidate deliberatley. I was a peace keeper, a lover not a fighter and now I felt dirty in some way for letting what I said come from my now spoiled lips. I wondered how he could speak like this day in and day out. How bitterly cold and dark really was his soul.. I didn't wait to find out. I was packed and gone within the hour. Never will I say such a stupid thing again. Blessings Andi |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** BCOF: Day 626 Wed 6th August '14 Prompt: have you ever written a poem, short story or essay while you were listening to a piece of music? If so how did listening to the music effect the story or poem or essay? If not, what i your favourite relaxation music? I have never written anything while listening to a piece of music. But I am now going to give it a go. It sounds facinating and where it could lead to...one can only imagine. My favourite relaxation music is "Pachelbel's canon" by Johann pachelbel. It is a very simple piece. It has three violins, one cello and eight bars of music repeated 28 times. It is a very soothing piece of music. I chose this to listen to when I gave birth to Mahalia-rose. For 5 hours straight the CD just kept getting put back to the start. It drove every one, but me insane. Another favourite piece of music that I love is Beethoven's 5th symphony. yet another piece of music I could listen to for hours on end. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog City: Day 156 Aug 6th '14 Prompt: List 5 beautiful words you have ever heard. It is so hard to narrow it down to just five, but here goes. Dawn: I love the word dawn, new beginings, new day. It is also my favourite time of the day. Iridescent: a word to me that say so much and gives me a beautiful image. Labyrinthine: just saying this word brings me pleasure. again I love the visual image Susurrus: A soft murmuring or rustling sound. Just love the sound of it as it rolls off my tongue. Epiphany: I think this is a beautiful word because I love having epiphany's. Words are magic and I am just at the start of my exciting journey of discovering so many more words. I look forward to it. Blessings Andi . ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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It's too bad that you missed that opportunity when you were younger. It seems like it would have been really great, but you do what you can to provide despite the decisions you make. Now you've got another opportunity that you can take, which is exciting!
