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2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Only one return error jumped out at me:
“A+ Excellent job! The only regret I have on this paper
is that I didn’t think of the idea first.”

And there are a coulple of missing commas if you want to proof read specifically for them, but I think this is the item you should consider entering into the adopt-a-newbie contest -- it's a good story, well expressed *Thumbsup*
Write on and take care,
Acme
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427
427
Review by Acme
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
A good sci-fi, surreal, comedy which needs a little visual tidy and an editorial proof read (Printing out can make proof-reading a little easier)

What are my favourite parts?
You have some great slap-stick comedy moments such as this one:
Ug: Why would you want to go to a movie when you can not see?

Genevieve: I just wanted to be with you! (She runs off crying and runs into several things on her way out.)
I also thought the beaver "What's delta pattern attack?" was a well executed scene *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
help with their unexpected draught
- I can imagine it gets nippy on a wooden space craft, but did you mean 'drought'?

As with any kind of script, the following is moot:
He feels bad that he is so ugly and she is blind. He feels like he is taking advantage of her.
You have to show us as the audience can't see feelings.

Genevieve: Ug, I have something to tell you.

Ug: What is it my dear?
- When characters are talking with each other they rarely need to address each other by name - you wouldn't in a normal conversation.

it was made in china
- capitalise China

(He pulls the ship tighter together.
- close parenthises

A number of your lines start with 'well'. They are superfluous and become distracting. Remove any and all trace of them in your next edit

Og: Yep. And I have backup screws, so this will never happen again. (Later a different size screw falls off of his toy.)
We won't see this though. For added effect why not exaggerate and write (the bots head falls off unnoticed) or something similar?

Yeah!! Fire at will!!
exclamation marks and question marks should only come in solitary numbers...

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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428
428
Review of Sunday  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
I liked the take on the prompt in this poem and enjoyed the pace and tone you set which took me into a Sunday afternoon by the lake.

What are my favourite parts?
The sunday afternoon sun lounging at my feet
- Sunday should be capitalised. I loved this personification of the sun and thought it worked really well in the context of the rest of the imagery *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
While I can't argue with your brief description, it doesn't really sell your poem, and you may want to consider using this space to advertise the content. The same can be said of using the genre fields and item type. Many visitors to the site use the site search engine to find something to read and it is worth while filling these in.

And he smiled through his teeth at me
Like he sees between the
the change from past to present tense is a little distracting.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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429
429
Review of A Kansas Duel  
Review by Acme
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
The hard work is done here; you have a compelling, action-packed, vivid and well told Western here. All that remains is you look to proof read for typos and punctuation. Once you have edited I will be happy to come back to rate and review. Here is a current site contest which spring to mind where I think the polished version of this may do well:
Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox  (ASR)
A monthly contest that focuses on Genre writing. CLOSED for the Summer.
#1092898 by StephBee


What are my favourite parts?
I love the narrative tone you set with the informal 'voice' of the narrator:
Most times in a fight, one of the fighters didn’t know he was in a fight ‘til he was shot to bits. One time though I saw a duel. A duel! A stand up, face each other and shoot duel. Damndest thing.


What are my suggestions?
I realise this a rough edit, but thought I would point out those areas which stood out to me *Smile*

I can remember it like it was just yesterday[,. I]n fact[,] I can remember it better than if it was yesterday.


I usually got around that by paying some kids to do [that the] dirty work.

come out from the cities thinking that it was all like those damned dime novels

You want pyrotechnics, Hardin’s Trading Post is as close to a saloon as you’ll find around here
This distracted me because it seemed a little out-of-time. I don't know for sure if fireworks were called pyrotechnics during the time period you mentioned, but it gave me a modern feel and jolted me out of the narrative.

“Never catch me trailing a damn plow” I though as I dragged
- thought (sp). Another good way to denote thought is to use italics instead of quotation marks.

Behind them, at the end of the room stood a bar. Well it was planks laid over barrels
- semicolon instead of period.

Separate your characters' dialogue with double return spacing.

“What[']s to stop you from skinning out the back door?”


Reading out loud will help you locate comma and period points:
There ain’t any back door[,] or even a window[,] friend...
...“I killed him alright[.]” Anderson pulled a Remington revolver out of the ho[l]ster and thumbed the hammer to half cock[.] “He killed


on to the ground and ground it into the dust
- there are a couple of places where you may want to look at broadening your vocabulary

much faster in the hand than the .44 Remington Anderson [which] was pointing at him.

already soaked in [b]right red blood which

belly shot [had done did] more to him than

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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430
430
Review of My Welcome Home  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?
This would make a great start to a larger piece, or one part of of a small collection. You have a great way of showing the reader the individual personalities behind your characters and they were flesh and blood 3-D people to my imagination *Smile* There are just a few areas where editing would be beneficial.

What are my favourite parts?
There is some vivid and original imagery in this item. Here's my favourite:
When the plane landed I pushed my way to the front of the aisle with the zeal of a quarterback going for a touchdown.


What are my suggestions?
There are a couple of places you may want to edit and widen your vocabulary as well as cutting out superfluous words:
Little girls I had never heard of. Little girls who all had names that were colors

"Little girls I had never heard of. Little girls who all bore colorful names"

father’s legs in fear of me. .
typo (extra period)

She whispered to me, “She’s a xenophobic.”

“Like the Warrior Princess Xena? I look nothing like her. Mother, what is wrong with her? Make her stop!” These were not the first words I had envisioned I would [be saying say] to my parents upon my arrival.
I had to re-read this part, as it initially looked as if the xenophobic girl was speaking. As your mother is addressing you about the girl being xenophobic I did not assume you were the one who looked like Xena...

the warning I [had become became] familiar with at a very young age,


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*
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431
431
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond  (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?
I enjoyed this brief glimpse into your working life and think you would have quite an audience if you were to look at the possibility of creating a 'blog' here at WDC. They are relatively easy to do and are a growing part of the community's facilities:
"Invalid Item" 

What are my favourite parts?
You have some good comedy narrative in this monologue and your informal and intimate tone drew me into your story telling. Good comedy timing too:
I’m sorry it was a “who-ha”, IN A MIDDLE SCHOOL HALLWAY! They don’t train you for that.


What are my suggestions?
A lot of writers on WDC use double return spacing between paragraphs and dialogue. Is is good to adopt this to the items you have here, because most visitors/readers read directly from the screen, rather than print out the story. Having the larger spacing means the reader's eye can catch their place easier.

I realized I could go around like half of the world does and feel sorry for myself for every little obstacle life throws in my way or I could do the obvious. . . . . I can realize my life is a living cartoon and just laugh along with it.
ellipsis are made up of three periods, but personally? I would lose them here and pop in a colon instead.

to the point that people in my life now call any rare occurrences to anyone “Audra (that’s me) moments
rare occurrences of what?

For some reason he had developed this song and dance of trying
- had is often a superfluous word or a weak substitute for a more descriptive word.

This would be followed by me directed him toward the correct
directing, or better yet re-work the sentence into "I redirected him toward...and told him to pull up his pants"

I will try not to [inflect inflict] the scarring image [that which] lives in my mind


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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432
432
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?
This has the potential to be a very good essay, but there is simply not enough reference to sources to back up your arguments. Taking the time to do so will add more weight to your words and will make this a better essay. Please let me know if you make any changes to this essay and I will gladly come back to re-rate/review.

What are my favourite parts?
It is time our education system, community leaders, and parents become more concerned with education of all, and not ideology of black versus white. We are brought into this world with equal capabilities. We must demand equal fostering of these capabilities regardless of race. Well expressed, strong closing argument *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Always quote your sources in an Essay. If you want you can use the sites facility for footnotes. Simply write the quote and, directly after it type: {footnote:#}"everthing you want to say"{/footnote}. It will look like this:

"I have a cunning plan..."1

Quoting sources is not just about quoting quotes! If you are informing your readership about any data, or indications drawn from data then you must list those sources. Likewise, don't leave unqualified statements hanging:
Which race has the highest rate of expulsions and suspensions? Which race receives the fewer promotions? Which race has the highest risk of criminal convictions? Reportedly, African-Americans, more specifically African-American males.
Who is reports this?

Many people are proposing that due to a lack of successful male African-American role models, African-American boys are becoming an endangered species.
Are African-Americans seeing a reduction in the male birthrate? Who are the 'Many people'?

You are clearly opposed to 'segregation by the back door', and so shocking is the idea of its proposal you may want to look at your title and brief description as a place to hook your readership. Essays can be objective, but they are also a good way of arguing a well throughout particular point of view, and I think this essay has every chance of being a well delivered argument with a little attention and polish to your delivery.

There is a fabulous contest/challenge on WDC which is similar to a writing Olympics. Teams are made up of writers from their part of the globe and they are given prompts to work with as a team and deliver and essay, a poem, a short story. I am sure you would make a valuable asset to your country's team and would encourage you to sign up for the next round:
FORUM
Project Write World  (13+)
A celebration of writers and their distinct cultures to bring us all together.
#1254279 by iKïyå§ama


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*
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Footnotes
1  Catchphrase of Tony Robinson's character in the TV comedy series Blackadder http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/blackadder/
433
433
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
Being a fan of comedy I had to stop by here first *Smile* This is a lovely romantic comedy and you should reflect that in one of your genre choice fields. This feel good piece had me smiling throughout and I loved the ending. We written and presented, I can see why it wears a lovely ribbon *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
In her mind Edi was plotting a spell, not on Mark, but on the makers of the dating website. Mark was thinking it’s okay to be the single, fun Uncle Mark for the rest of his life. Nate the Duck was wondering how long he could survive out of water.
- lovely example of comedy trio and well delivered punchline *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
He is a by the book detective by-the-book: this may be a Brit thing, but similar to other phrases like none-the-less, because they work as a full combination of words hyphens are commonly used to link them.

should be inducted into sainthood
beatified?

He’s hilarious to tease[, with] because he doesn’t get it


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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434
434
Review of Cold and Empty  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?
Welcome to WDC *Smile* I think there are many who will be able to relate to the subject matter of this poem.

What are my favourite parts?
You really do convey those two emotions felt in grief very well and manage to convey the broken nature of the narrator *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
The brief description and the title encouraged me to read this item, but you may want to increase your prospective audience by adding 'death' and 'tragedy' to your genre item field choices.

This may well just be personal preference, but I don't think there is any neccesity to highlight the words 'cold' and 'empty with mid-line capitalisation, as you have already stressed their importance in the title and by using them as line leaders in two other lines.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*
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435
435
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
Nostalgic, vivid imagery deliver a narrative poem which not only celebrates the memory of you teenage years through fashion, but gives the reader lots of insight into the relationship between mother and daughter in the life of a dress - it is a great devise to use *Thumbsup*

What are my favourite parts?
It has to be all that isn't directly said, but is conveys so well, especially the relationship between mother and daughter. Learning to sew gave you more than a skill; it gave you a lasting experience as a fashionable teen *Smile*

What are my suggestions?
None at all. Quite my favourite poem of all the gems I've read today. Thank you!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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436
436
Review by Acme
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I think we have all been demoralised by a poor rate/review. It is hard not to take reviews personally, because we, as writers, have taken time to craft and create. This poem is a good reminder not to take it too seriously. Sure, there are comments and suggestions which help us improve our writing and technical skills, but when we get the subjective 'I don't like...' is up to us as writers to use or ignore.

What are my favourite parts?
So when you get a low, low rate
Don't worry any longer.
If it doesn't really kill you,
It will surely make you stronger.


What are my suggestions?
No suggestions for improvement, but I have to say, on a personal note, that my two one stars blow your 2.5 out of the water *Laugh*. Write on, Meg, write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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437
437
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
You make rhyming poetry look so easy, especially in this patriotic narrative which beautifully incorporates some wonderful aspects which evoke that unique Australian flavour.

What are my favourite parts?
A lovely mix of humour and tribute, well executed:
We welcome newcomers with a flag unfurled,
From countries all around the world.
They have chosen to live in this land so great,
And become a dinkum Aussie mate.


What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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438
438
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
This must have taken you a long time to write! I saw Kathy's scavenger hunt and thought all those who entered it were taking on a HUGE challenge.

What are my favourite parts?
It would have been easy to make this more of a list than a coherent poem, but this is a good poem in its own right, and the use of AABB rhyming quatrains worked really well *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
You have one 'invalid item' in the poem's third stanza which throws the scheme.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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439
439
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (3.5)
I've re-rated because the syllabic count is definitely better, but there are still a couple of places where it falters slightly. Let me know if you make any more changes and I will happily return to re-rate accordingly *Smile*

So - I'm - leav - ing - not - giv - ing - it - an - oth - er - shot 12 syllables

So - long - a - go - it - seems,- since - when - we - both - were - young 12 syllables

Stok - ed - stu - por - high - on - lea - ther, - steel, - and - shi - ny - chrome 12 syllables

"Send - my - bel - ong - ings", - you'll - hear - when - I've - rung 10 syllables

Sea - rching - for - ev -er - more - the - ways - out - of - dan - ger 12 syllables

I know many people have their own internal accent, but a good rule of thumb, in English, is to see a syllable as a 'beat' which contains a vowel, or 'y' in it:
"Syll - a - ble"

I hope this helps *Thumbsup*
Write on and take care,
Acme *Heart*
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440
440
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond  (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?
Hi there, ShiShad *Smile* Good use of the picture prompt, but your syllabic counts mean that you don't hit the hendecasyllabic requirement for Round 7 of the Pond Poetry contest.

What are my favourite parts?
I liked the 's' letter start to every line. I also enjoyed the narrative story telling and use of colourful text.

What are my suggestions?
So now I'm leavin we're not givin it another shot - 14 syllables

Sometimes I wonder why I ever left my home. - 12 syllables

So long ago it seems, since when we both were so young. - 12 syllables

Starry-eyed and stoked high on leather, steel, and shiny chrome - 14 syllables

"Send me my belongings", you'll hear when I've rung - 12 syllables

Soon some lonely trucker will stop to give me a ride. - 13 syllables

Surely he'll listen to a heart you did betray - 12 syllables

Spilling secrets openly to a caring stranger - 13 syllables

So far away from home, so tired and so upset - 12 syllables

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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441
441
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
What a fine addition to the poems of Project Write World *Delight* Good Luck! I love the way you used the picture prompt to build a narrative encompassing the pioneer spirit of the outback. I was introduced to the 'swagman' in Waltzing Matilda and particularly enjoyed the musical quality your rhyme and rhythm conveyed.

What are my favourite parts?
That resilient nature of the human spirit, and the tidal description of human migrations between city and country was well explored in this poem *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Please remember, should you wish to act on any of these suggestions, DO NOT DO SO until after the judging for this round has finished.
shirt all torn and trousers baggie
- baggy
When the Gods above decide that the...
- lower case for 'gods'

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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442
442
Review of If...  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
Thoughtful poem, and it got me philosophising. Timing really is everything. I think this poem will resonate with many readers, as it did with me *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
Again, this is just me, but I do think you wield power when you use a more rigid structure and the triple lines with ABA rhyme work really well here.

What are my suggestions?
If we [had] met on a different date,
In another time and place,
Would we have [had an] altered fate?


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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443
443
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I love that little angry emoticon *Delight*! I thought the addition of an author's note really added to my overall enjoyment of this poem.

What are my favourite parts?
The emotions leap off the page! And there is a twist of dark humour here (aimed at the self, but still valid) which the final line of the first stanza conveyed well in the form of an emotional punchline *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Your rhyme scheme jumped from ABAB in the first two stanzas to AABB in the third and then everywhere in the final stanza. As you have managed to separate yourself from the event, why not go back and tinker with it a little? I only suggest this as a personal preference because I am a big fan of form used well (yes, my Free Verse is shockingly repressed *Blush*) Rather like Basil Fawlty, whose humour comes from barely restraining his anger, if there's nothing funnier than a person on the edge of losing control, there is nothing more powerful than poetry staining against its bonds; poetry can harness unimaginable power to illuminate just how potent it is!

Gawsh, sorry about the sermon *Laugh*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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444
Review of Infinite Feelings  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
The brief description hooked me to read this one! This is well conveyed poetry with heart and I loved the way you drew me into your pace/rhythm with the way you displayed the text.

What are my favourite parts?
I often find weak areas in my poem, whether it's beginning, middle or end. Here ever stanza is strong and adds to the impact of your subject delivery. Excellently written and a pleasure to read, and re-read *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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445
445
Review of I Cry Silently  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
It seems to read much more smoothly now. In fact the alliteration of the 's' words in the second stanza pop out a little more to me. Thanks for the opportunity to be able to come back and re-read/review, ShiShad *Smile*
Write on and take care,
Acme
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Review of Writing  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
Please put this in your highlighted items of a week or so? The sentiments expressed are so fresh to read and I'm sure their are many who may have missed this when discovering your writing more recently. It is a very good example of particular form of poetry done well *Thumbsup*

What are my favourite parts?
I won't be the only one on WDC who can relate to this poem. I note this was created two days after you joined, and you have caught the tone of nervous excitement which comes with posting work for the first time *Delight*

What are my suggestions?
As this is a fine example of Pleiades poetry, why not advertise the fact with an author's note, or perhaps a link to Bianca's explanation here *Right* "Pleiades" 

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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447
447
Review of I Cry Silently  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Star* Acme Review *Star*

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!


For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
This is such a difficult subject to write about and you have done so with great care and sensitivity.

Favourite Parts
I love that other author's on this site have inspired you to write such heartfelt poetry. I can understand how reading some items on WDC have compelled you to write such a tender tribute to those who have suffered abuse.

Suggestions
I really don't know how to put this better, but beware of 'Yoda Moments':
forgive you I could


Also, you may want to think of widening you vocabulary and this simile stood out to me:
robbing like theft


Write on and take care!
448
448
Review of At the Mall  
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Star* Acme Review *Star*

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!


For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
This was a good snapshot of an event but felt as if it were a little unfinished as a story. You may want to develop it further as I think you have made an interesting character in the Young Woman.

Favourite Parts
You built the tension well and the action/chase scene was creepy! *Thumbsup*

Suggestions
She'd come to the mall for the sole purpose of getting something to eat at the food court and killing the hour and a half between work and her evening class.
I realise details can be important, but some of them are not needed to develop plot, setting, or character. If you use the loose rule of "one 'and' per sentence" you can make your writing a say as much with fewer words. Also look at 'had' as an opportunity to cut out unnecessary words, or use a more descriptive word, eg:
She came to the mall to kill time between work and her evening class.

Brandy glanced at her watch. Six-thirty...
...Brandy looked at her watch. "It's six-thirty . . ." - try to avoid repetition


Write on and take care!
449
449
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Star* Acme Review *Star*

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!


For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
It is hard to read this poem and remain emotionally separate, so my thoughts are with the observational narrator. There are some poignant images here and the metaphor of the ticking clock is well used to explore many different aspects of time, and whose time is ticking by in this scenario - well written

Favourite Parts
I thought the inclusion of the author's note was a great addition. I'm sure many people who read it will connect to the poem on its own strength, but this addition gives your readers an opportunity to explore the subject further.

Suggestions
None - write on!

Write on and take care!
450
450
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
The title and the brief description caught my attention with this write and I am so very glad I stopped here, and think this is one of the best advertisements for the positive impact this site has on its membership. It's a wonderful overview of the benefits of joining this writing community.

What are my favourite parts?
I highlighted a memorable excerpt to copy... and then found another... and then another... *Laugh* Suffice to say, I found so much was well done, and the extended metaphor of 'treasure' was a wonderfully explored thread which gave me rich imagery as I read *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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