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26
26
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Bigsmile*
A Smile~Worldwide Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Bigsmile*


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This is a cool little piece, with a surprising amount of feeling and emotion for a poem with only five short lines. There is action (running and searching), emotion (fear and happiness), and resolution (finding food for family).

I think there is wisdom reflected in the words, Happiness is within mind. That's true for the fox in the poem, and for humans alike. Very insightful and satisfying. *Thumbsup*

This poem is really well done, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to WDC!

EarlyHours

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27
27
Review of Moon  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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For millennia, man has looked up at the moon with wonder. And even though we understand it better now than in previous generations, it still holds a fascination. This fascination is skillfully on display in this poem.

Personification of the moon works well here. The Moon is an eye that lurks and is enthralled. And it roams like a tanod. Meanwhile, it has an effect on the person watching, by charming the watcher, and casting light onto his/her own eyes.

In the third, fourth and fifth stanzas, there is an interesting shift to second-person perspective, which increased the impact of the subject. But I'm not clear on the darker stanza referring to the world unfolding in darkness and the absence of light. Also, in the last stanza, I wasn't sure about the equinox reference. I may be wrong, but I thought the equinox referred the the Earth's position with the sun, and wasn't related to the Moon. Is that why ...when the equinox comes, the moon remains modest? But the moon isn't juxtaposed to the sun (although the Earth is).

Very enjoyable and thought provoking!

Nice job, and welcome to WDC!

EarlyHours

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28
28
Review of Love No More  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Overview/Summary:
*Noteb*A poetic story about continuing to be in love after a breakup. The first half of the poem describes the blissful part of the relationship, and the last part describes the bad part. There is fighting, pain and failure, resulting in being alone, once again.

The poem flows well and has a great rhyming scheme. It also tells a story, which is a feature I like to see in poetry.

There is certainly an optimistic outlook revealed in the last stanza. Very well done.
*Noteb*


Conclusion:
Very enjoyable poem. Well written and interesting.

Nice job, and welcome to WDC!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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29
29
Review of Feel  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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Overview/Summary:
*Noteb*A beautiful poem about the power of love. This is richly illustrated through the speaker's willingness and ability to share a loved-one's pain, burden, and loneliness.

I think the poem can be interpreted in (at least) two ways. One way is literally, as a man or woman might comfort a spouse. And the other is spiritually, as God might comfort us.

Either way you read it, it is captivating and heartwarming. Very enjoyable.

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to WDC!
*Noteb*

EarlyHours

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30
30
Review of Going Forward...  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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Boy, those are some strong tears! I wouldn't wipe them either if they are as powerful as this poem describes.

Seriously, this is an emotional and powerful poem that describes a philosophy that I think we all strive for: the courage to live one's life in honesty and truth, instead of by the influence of others. Individuality, authenticity, and a good dose of wisdom describe the outlook of the speaker here. Very well done, and very impressive. *Thumbsup*

At first, I wasn't sure what the "not wiping the tears" thing was all about, but in the last two versus it becomes clear. Across the years, the tears would, metaphorically speaking, do a world of good for generations to come.

Nice job, and thanks for sharing!

EarlyHours

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
31
31
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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This is a short poem about, well, as the brief description says, love, love, love. The author presents three smoothly flowing versus, describing (I think) a bridge from sinning to forgiveness, via the love of another, or maybe of the Father.

This was my favorite part:

when music stops to play
and the birds forget how to sing
when the sun forgets to smile
and the stars refuse to shine


I think this section flows beautifully, with word placement and usage that makes it a joy to read. Definitely poetic, and almost lyrical. Nice job here. *Thumbsup*

Overall, I think this poem was skillfully written, and certainly captivating.

Thanks for sharing!

EarlyHours

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32
32
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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Overview/Summary
This is a free-form style piece of prose that describes both sides of a long distance love, between a soldier in the war, and a girl at home. When read uncritically, effortlessly and smoothly by the reader, the piece reveals a heartfelt story of separation and longing to be together. Both people are staying strong and remaining loyal to the other, even in the face of uncertainty.

Regarding punctuation and general conventional writing structure, there is a lot to tighten up here. I think if that's important to the writer, time and experience will translate into items that more closely follow standard rules of writing. That being said, if this piece is read for content and idea, then the reader will appreciate it and enjoy the experience. I know I did. *Smile*

Very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
33
33
Review of I.O.U-I-LUV-U  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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Overview:
*Noteb*A short first-person account of waking up with partial amnesia. Or is it?*Noteb*


Story/Plot:
*Noteg*
The speaker tells about waking up from a coma, and noticing that things feel different. While she remembers who she is, she doesn't recognize family and friends, and doesn't feel emotional attachments. It's as though her heart had been taken from her. Well, as it turns out, that's exactly what has happened. The accident resulted in her having a heart transplant, and therefore, she lost her ability to love those most important to her.
*Noteg*


My Favorite Part:
*Noter*
I liked the way the time lapse was portrayed. The ticking off of the months, one-by-one, was very effective and efficiently gave the impression of time passing. Nicely done. *Thumbsup*
*Noter*


Suggestions:

*Checkr*
Please take this as my opinion only: I thought, at the very end, comparing the loss of a heart and all accompanying emotions to the loss of an arm or leg, detracted from the impact. You wrote: It was like they scooped out a large part of me, the part that made me...me. Like losing an arm or a leg. I think leaving off the very last sentence would actually increase the impact.
*Checkr*


Conclusion:
Skillfully written and captivating. This is the kind of story that makes me think.

Recommended reading

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to WDC!
 *Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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34
34
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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This is a cautionary poem that seems to describe the dark side of South Africa. Every verse gives an example of danger that lurks behind seemingly safe practices. For example, don't stop at a red light, don't leave your windows open or drive alone at night, watch your valuables at the beach, lock your doors, etc. The poem warns the reader that violence is rampant and visitors are in constant peril. Even with the stern warnings, at the very beginning of the poem the author says there's no reason to be scared if the person is prepared. But then it gets real scary.

Cross this vacation off my bucket list...

Overall the poem reads well and flows smoothly. The rhymes work and the verses fit well with each other.

Thanks for posting this poem, and welcome to WDC!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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35
35
Review of Man understood.  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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I am familiar with this excellent writer's portfolio, so it is no surprise to me that he has presented an enjoyable and entertaining short story, in only 55 words. It is a quick interchange between the first man and woman (Adam and Eve?), and it has a humorous ending that made me smile.

My only suggestion is regarding a typo: "Honey, you will go blind". should be "Honey, you will go blind." [note period placement]

Overall, I really liked it. Nice job!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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36
36
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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Overview/Story
*Noteb*
This is a letter from a homeowner to a raccoon family that's destroying his garbage cans. It's cute in that it depicts a human trying to reason with a raccoon, but also exhibits a dose of absurdity for the same reason. The person composes basically a cease and desist letter, but throws in a pretty gruesome threat at the end.

It's a bit scary, and a bit disturbing in some ways. The line about them rummaging through the garbage "like a pack of savage welfare kids," bothered me a bit. But be that as it may, I have to give the author credit for presenting an unusual and creative piece of writing. Furthermore, varied and interesting items are what makes WDC great, and the piece is appropriately rated for its content.

The letter is formatted well, its structure conveys the letter very effectively, and it reads easily.
*Noteb*

Welcome to WDC and Write On!

Regards,

EarlyHours

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37
37
Review of Buns  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star*
Knight of the Review Table Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, only meant to be constructive.*Smile*


Overview:
*Noteb*
A cute story that is not what it seems. It describes a very special relationship and a very unexpected ending. The resolution has the reader thinking Boy, I should've seen that coming...
*Noteb*


Story/Plot:
*Noteg*
This story is told in first person (or in this case, is it first rabbit?). It is from the perspective of a big floppy-eared rabbit, as he gets a roommate (another rabbit), which is put into his enclosure to live with him. At first, they become the best of friends. But things change, probably because of those infamous rabbit hormones, resulting in an ending that is fitting to the situation. At least for a pet. I wouldn't want it to happen to me.
*Noteg*


My Favorite Part:
*Noter*
What I liked the most was that the story was really funny! Several moments made me laugh out loud. Seriously, I was rolling on the floor, and my wife almost called 911.

I loved this line: We became as still as statues, listening--- our ears, acting as tiny satellite dishes, picked up even the slightest sounds
*Noter*


Suggestions:

*Checkr*
This story is very well written. I have only one, very minor, suggestion:

...nursing the multiple lacerations which were inflicted upon him as... ...nursing the multiple lacerations, which were inflicted upon him as... [note comma] Or, nursing the multiple lacerations that were inflicted upon him as...
*Checkr*



Conclusion:
I am thoroughly enjoying this author's unique portfolio. This is another great, and unusual, addition. It's really terrific, and I highly recommend it. Furthermore, I think it should be submitted to the Comedy Newsletter for consideration.

Nice job!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
38
38
Review of A Hero's Welcome  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS"  [E]! Feel free to check us out and find out our purpose on Writing.Com.

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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, and only meant to be constructive. *Smile*


Overview:
*Noteb*
A short but powerful short story about a girl waiting for her friend to return from a military tour, and the romantic outcome she had hoped for.
*Noteb*


Story/Plot:
*Noteg*
A girl is waiting at the airport as troops arrive home, greeting their loved ones. She expects to meet a guy who left as a friend, but perhaps is returning as something more. The speaker is nervous, and a bit impatient, but her guy finally arrives (surprising her even though she was waiting for him), and makes it obviously clear that he is now more than a friend. They become just like all the other young lovers meeting there, which apparently is the outcome she had hoped for. *Smile*
*Noteg*


My Favorite Part:
*Noter*
This is told in the first person, present tense POV. And as such, it becomes very emotionally powerful, drawing the reader into the story, and allowing the inner emotions of the speaker to be felt.

My favorite line was: Everyone is so cheerful; the atmosphere is unusually but comfortably joyous. Very descriptive. Nice job here*Thumbsup*
*Noter*


Suggestions:

*Checkr*
Please take these suggestions as my opinion only:

Sun Dresses. sundresses [one word and small case]

I don’t know if he’ll like or want them--- flowers aren’t very manly, but… I don’t know if he’ll like or want them; flowers aren’t very manly, but…

I see wives and girlfriends running to their loved ones--- some with newborns… I see wives and girlfriends running to their loved ones; some with newborns…
*Checkr*


Conclusion:
This was great. I really enjoyed reading it. I think the “staccato” style of sentence structure does this story a great service, because it conveys the immediacy of her emotions and expectations. Very well done and very impressive. Highly recommended.

Nice job!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" ..
39
39
Review of The Wolf  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*
A Simply Positive Newbie Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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This is a captivating poem about a wolf. In general, it flows and rhymes well, and reads easily and smoothly. More specifically, the beautifully descriptive language really draws in the reader. You can see the sky and feel the chill of the approaching Winter. You can marvel at the beauty and power of the animal. And finally, you can appreciate the history and proud heritage of this regal beast.

I really liked the second stanza. The description of the darkness bringing in the cold weather made me shiver. Really well done here *Thumbsup*

Overall, this poem is very well written and very enjoyable. Highly recommended.

Nice job!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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40
40
Review of Uncle Jim's Farm  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Star*
A Dream Team Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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Overview:
*Noteb*
I am reviewing this story as an entry in the "Dreamer's Sanctuary"  Contest. The author followed Prompt #1, which is a photo of a rusty old barn in the countryside.
*Noteb*


Story/Plot:
*Noteg*
This is a story within a story. During a stormy night, Tammy can’t sleep. She climbs under a blanket and starts to read. Very quickly, she falls asleep. At least that’s what the reader thinks at that point. She then “dreams” about a childhood visit to her Uncle’s farm, which includes the barn from the prompt, as well as several other locations on the farm. Her dream is vivid, and the writing style compliments this with richly described scenes. After several experiences on the farm, she sees her Uncle Jim, who tells her that she shouldn’t be there, yet. This part is told in such a way as to make the reader realize that this is no ordinary dream. Back “in the real world,” her husband finds her ashen and unmoving. He awakens her, or revives her, leaving the reader to wonder if she actually had a dream, or if she had passed on, temporarily anyway.
*Noteg*


My Favorite Part:
*Noter*
Tammy rounded the curve and was met by the biggest black dog. … His coat was so black, it looked almost blue. This had to be my favorite part, because I have this exact same dog! (you can see it at: "Invalid Item" 

The character development and descriptions were very well done, and made the story very enjoyable to read.
*Noter*


Suggestions:

Please take these suggestions as my opinion only:

*Checkr*
Thunder rattled the windows, the whole house shook. Thunder rattled the windows; the whole house shook.

Startled, she looked out the window, lightning danced across the sky followed by more house shaking thunder within two seconds I think this sentence is a bit cumbersome. I wonder if it would flow better separated into two sentences: Startled, she looked out of the window as lightning danced across the sky. Within two seconds, this was followed by more house-shaking thunder.

weather man / weatherman

farm house / farmhouse

Uncle Jim won year after year at the county fair for the best watermelons in the county. I don’t think you have to say “county” twice. Just as effective is: Uncle Jim won year after year at the county fair for the best watermelons.
*Checkr*


Conclusion:
An interesting short story with two unusual features. First, it is a story inside a story, the reality and the “dream.” Second, there is the unexpected twist at the end that makes the reader wonder what actually happened. That instills some intrigue and wonder.

The story fit the prompt well.

I really enjoyed this story. Nice job!
 *Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
41
41
Review of The Steps  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Star*
A Dream Team Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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Overview:
*Noteb*
I am reviewing this story as an entry in the "Dreamer's Sanctuary"  Contest. The author followed Prompt #2, which is a photo of an overgrown stone stairway and archway.
*Noteb*


Story/Plot:
*Noteg*
This is an endearing short story, told from the perspective of the individual stone steps themselves, with a little input from the walls and arch. And there was a cameo appearance by a surprise guest at the end.

The steps, named according to their number in the stairway, have a discussion about their purpose and importance. They reminisce about events that had happened long ago, including the family that lived in the house nearby. Each step is characterized by a distinct personality. This is evident in their input into the conversation. As with people, some are leaders, some are not, and some are more or less introverted, extroverted, patient, impatient, bossy, timid, or wise. The walls and arch enter into the conversation, each with its own personality and voice as well.

The steps are a bit insecure in their worthiness, but they finally conclude, with the help of Step Four’s wisdom, that they were very important to the lives of the family. The personified stones seem content enough with that. *Wink*
*Noteg*


My Favorite Part:
*Noter*
This story idea gave the author an opportunity to develop many characters in a very short amount of space. I am impressed that 14 characters could be introduced, each having a distinct personality. It must have been a challenge to do so, but it worked out very well for the story.

I especially liked the quick appearance by the special guest at the end (I don’t want to spoil it for potential readers). It was a great way to conclude the piece, and nicely drew in the prompt again. Very well done here. *Thumbsup*
*Noter*


Suggestions:

The quality of the writing is excellent, so these are only minor suggestions or typos:

*Checkr*
The steps arch, and walls had always talked… The steps, arch, and walls had always talked…[note comma after ‘steps’]

...mere twenty five years. …mere twenty-five years.

... has sheltered them all these years. Given them a place to live, relax, and grow. On my first read through, I thought this should be ...has sheltered them all these years, giving them a place to live, relax, and grow. But upon rereading, I see what you are saying here, but it's not as clearly written as the rest of the story (my opinion only).
*Checkr*


Conclusion:
This is an enjoyable short story that fit the prompt quite well. The author’s creative and unique approach, through personification of the steps themselves, is refreshing.

Very nicely done, and highly recommended.
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
42
42
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

*Star*
A Dream Team Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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Overview:
*Noteb*I am reviewing this story as an entry in the "Dreamer's Sanctuary"  Contest. The author followed Prompt #2, which is a photo of an overgrown stone stairway and archway. *Noteb*


Story/Plot:
*Noteg*A man awakens in the setting shown in the photo prompt. Dazed and confused, he tries to make his way up the stone stairs. He is not sure why, or what he should find through the archway, but is compelled to move foreword. As he does, he slowly regains memory of his purpose, and as he draws even closer, his memory becomes clear. He is apparently supposed to rescue a woman on the other side, and proceeds through the arch. On that side, he sees the woman arguing with two men. I don’t want to spoil the story by revealing too much here, but I can say that a confrontation ensues, resulting in an unexpected and thought-provoking ending. *Noteg*


My Favorite Part:
*Noter*The writing itself is very clear and flows easily. The setting is richly described, but in a simple way that seems like it is effortless to the writer. I really liked the cyclical nature of the story, and how details that explain what’s happening aren’t realized by the reader until the end. I also think the magical overtones of the story fit the prompt particularly well.*Noter*


Suggestions:
These are not criticisms, only observations. Although interesting and well written, it seems like a partial story. Maybe it is to get the story to fit into contest limitations. I can certainly see how this could become a much longer story.

I wonder what the purpose is of having two men present, arguing with the woman. Only one interacts with the main character, and the second is never involved with the story, at least in this form. I sense that there is a much larger story looming underneath what we see here.

There is a lot of flipping back and forth between past and present tense. This is just my personal preference, but I generally prefer consistency in tenses. A deliberate read through the story with an eye toward what tenses are being used will show what I mean. But I don’t think this detracts from the quality or impact of the story.

*Checkr*
I think this is just a typo:
Stopping suddenly, he whispered “James, my name is James.” Stopping suddenly, he whispered, “James, my name is James.” [note comma]
*Checkr*


Conclusion:
A well-written and captivating story. Thoughtful and provoking, I reread it several times and enjoyed it more each time.
It fit the prompt exceptionally well.

Very enjoyable. Nice job!
 *Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
43
43
Review of Why not me?  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star*
A Dream Team Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, only meant to be constructive.*Smile*

Welcome to WDC!

This is a powerful poem, not just about slavery itself, but about the actual experiences leading up to becoming a slave, and then actually being a slave.

The reader can really feel the turmoil and suffering in the boat coming to America, as well as the horrible way slaves were treated during those times. Have we really come much further?

Just a few comments. I noticed that punctuation is used, which not all poems do. So I would suggest that consistency is maintained. For example, usually when a word ending in -ing is abbreviated in slang with -in, an apostrophy is added, i.e., sittin would become sittin', sufferin would become sufferin', yellin = yellin', etc. You did this already for the words beatin', boilin' and burnin'.

Also, the word devprivation should read deprivation.

All-in-all, it is a good poem with a lot of feeling and meaning.

Nice job, and keep writin'
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
44
44
Review of Pretense  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star*
A Dream Team Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, only meant to be constructive.*Smile*

Wow, this is an incredibly powerful poem. In my attempt to understand the author's meaning, I concluded it was about loss. Perhaps the loss of a long-term relationship or even a spouse.

The author makes the point that we all wear masks and "constructs" of who and what we really are. In this poem, it is described as the "pretense face." A nice little metaphor for hiding our true feelings.

Not being much of a poet myself, I cannot comment on structure or technical details, but it is obvious to me that this author is both thoughtful and skilled at commiting feelings to paper (computer?).

It makes me sorry for the loss, but encourages me to be real, and show the people I love what I really feel, and who I really am.

Insightful and inspiring. Nice job!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to WDC!


EarlyHours


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45
45
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*

*Star*
Knight of the Review Table Review
Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
*Star*


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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, only meant to be constructive.*Smile*


Overview/Summary:
*Noteb*This is a bleak poem describing a situation where, it seems, all good has left mankind. It paints a picture of death, emptiness, and above all, hopelessness. According to the poem, man has become a monster, and has no redeeming potential.

Although interesting and powerful, it makes me wonder what horrible things have happened in the speaker’s life to precipitate such a gloomy outlook. He/She is drowning in tears and uses a series of examples to illustrate the misery. The examples are literal, and not metaphorical as we see in most poetry. For example, the speaker talks of tears, abandonment, a hateful world, broken hearts, ruined lives, death, war, waste and more. The main metaphor, repeated several times in different ways, is that man is a monster, and it is described by his tendency to be cruel, to kill, and to generally hurt others.

At the end of the poem, when I most expected an uplifting revelation or epiphany that man is really good and can save himself, there was none. We are left with the statement that man may cease to exist.

I do not criticize these aspects of this poem. After all, poetry should reflect what’s on the author’s mind and his outlook on life. If this depressing outlook is genuine, then the poem does an excellent job of expressing it. So, nice job in that regard. *Noteb*

Suggestions:

*Exclaim*Probably most important: The rating must be changed from “E” to at least 13+. There is violence, sex, blood, and alcohol mentioned. And I’m sure you didn’t mean this for the youngest of our WDC members anyway.

If you want some guidance on how to rate your items, please see:Content Rating System (CRS) from Writing.Com 101 

Please take these suggestions as my opinion only:

*Checkr*
I think this could really use a good pass through a spell checker. Here are just some of the misspelled words, followed by the correct spellings:

untill / until
abandond / abandoned
hatefull / hateful
hurtfull / hurtful
alchohol / alcohol
oursleves / ourselves
Polution / Pollution
Paligamy / Polygamy
exsist / exist

I notice that with the exception of a few exclamation points, only one line ends with punctuation. It’s the 20th line, ending with violence, It seems a bit out of place, considering the way all the other lines end.
*Checkr*

Conclusion:
Well, it certainly is interesting and thought provoking. The author has some strong feelings and makes them known. This may be well-accepted by the EMO generation, but is a little depressing for old guys like me. *Wink*

Happy WDC Anniversary, and best of luck with your writing.

EarlyHours


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46
46
Review of Nightmare Night  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS"  [E]! Feel free to check us out and find out our purpose on Writing.Com.

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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, and only meant to be constructive. *Smile*

Overview:
*Noteb*This is a short story that describes an emotional experience for the parents of a teenage girl. *Noteb*

Story/Plot:
*Noteg*One evening, while the daughter is out on a date, the parents receive what no parent ever wants to get: a knock on the door by the police. Without divulging too much information, the police inform them of an accident, and then escort the distraught parents, first to the hospital, and then the morgue. Ultimately, during the I.D. stage, they realize that it’s not her. The story ends with a mild twist, or at least an unexpected happening. *Noteg*

My Favorite Part:
*Noter*The author provides a powerful and emotional account of the event. As a parent, it bordered on tear jerking. I am very impressed with the author’s skill at eliciting emotion.*Noter*

Suggestions:

*Checkr*
Please take these suggestions as my opinion only:

I knew where my family was practicly every moment of the day. I knew where my family was practically every moment of the day.

I was typing another story on my laptop when I heard the knock on the door, three sharp, loud thumps. I don’t think this flows well. I wonder if these might be better choices: I was typing another story on my laptop when I heard three sharp, loud thumps on the door. Or, I was typing another story on my laptop when I heard the knock on the door. It was three sharp, loud thumps.

....17 year old Rosie, and 4 year old twin sons… …17-year-old Rosie, and 4-year-old twin sons....

The officer pushed the button for “basement;” the one marked as the morgue. Commas and periods go inside the quotation marks, but usually colons and semicolons go outside the marks: …button for “basement”; the one marked…

…we started wondering who the girl was and why they had our daughter’s driver’s license. Maybe better would be: …why she had our daughter’s driver’s license.

She ran to her purse and noticed her wallet was gone, someone had stolen it. Either connect these two clauses with a semicolon, rather that a comma, or separate them into two sentences.

Unfortunately, we had seen in the morgue the one who had done it. This is the last sentence in the story, and it comes across rather passive. I wonder if something like this might work better to end the story on a more powerful note: Unfortunately, we had already met the thief, in the morgue.
*Checkr*


Conclusion:
This was a captivating and fascinating story. It was well-written and conveyed powerful emotions. I was relieved at the ending, but I realize that the story could have gone either way.

Nice job! Thanks for sharing!
 *Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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47
47
Review of The Black Heart  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS"  [E]! Feel free to check us out and find out our purpose on Writing.Com.

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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, and only meant to be constructive. *Smile*


Overview
A tragic little poem about a sad, or even depressed girl, who is struggling with life and love. The stanzas paint the picture of a disturbed girl, wondering how she will end up in life. Several lines point to this:

This poor child,
Will end up,
Crying on the floor,

and,

She wants to scream,
She wants to cry,
At times even die.

She certainly has a heavy heart.


Suggestions

*Checkr*
Is hate, too her poor heart,... I'm not really sure, but do you mean to her poor heart?

Her heart is as blcak as glass. Her heart is as black as glass.

As hevy as ocean stones. As heavy as ocean stones.

becuase her heart is as black as a ravens eye, becuase her heart is as black as a raven's eye,
*Checkr*


Conclusion:
Even though the poem is quirte dark, I really enjoyed reading it. The author has obvious deep feelings, and skill at writing poetry. Nice job! *Thumbsup*


EarlyHours

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48
48
Review of Lost and Torn  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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This is a dark little poem, obviously written during a period of troubled feelings. The poem opens with the speaker having overwhelming confusion. Torn between several conflicting emotions, the speaker is unable to think clearly. Finally he (or she) prays for guidance, realizing that faith will open his eyes.

It is a well written poem with a good rhyming scheme. It flows nicely and held my attention. Parts of it are almost lyrical, having repetition and alliteration, especially in the second stanza.

Nicely done. Welcome to WDC!
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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49
49
Review of Little Green Men  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS"  [E] for giving such awesome reviews yourself! Keep up the great work.


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Hi Davy Kraken !

This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, only meant to be constructive.*Smile*

Overview:
*Noteb* I loved this story. In fact, I really like your portfolio in general. I'm about half way through Quorilax; if I had finished it by now, this note would probably have been about that. I have been searching WDC for stories to highlight in the upcoming (Unofficial) Science Fiction Newsletter. The topic is "Aliens and Invasions," which explains why I came across a story called Little Green Men. I'm glad I found it, and I plan to include it as one of the "Editor's Picks" in this issue.*Noteb*

Story/Plot:
*Noteg*This is a humorous account of alien first contact. It is a tongue-in-cheek look at the stereotypical LGM (Little Green Men) and their first meeting with humans. The ensuing interaction is anything but stereotypical.

Two aliens walk into a bar….. Okay, it was actually a cafe, but everyone has to be somewhere. They start a conversation with two girls, and quickly take on one of the classic philosophical subjects, the meaning of knowledge. I remember studying “Objective” vs. “Subjective” Knowledge and Idealism in college philosophy class (ahem, 35 years ago). I’m glad to see that the aliens are finally catching up.

The discussion follows the path of a college lecture, but with much more entertaining dialogue, which is mostly in English. A small amount is in one of the few alien dialects that I’m not familiar with.

After absorbing as much knowledge as possible from the girls, the aliens get into their space ship and leave, with the thought that perhaps the aliens don’t know us as well as they think. But I’m not sure, because I’m only using 10% of my brainpower. *Wink**Noteg*


My Favorite Part:
*Noter*The writing is hilarious. Just the description of typical Little Green Men with naive and bumbling personalities had me rolling. The reader really gets the image of the clumsy top-heavy alien with this line: He nearly falls off his chair as he cocks his huge, bulbous head in the direction the two girls…

And I loved this line: …“we are trying to get out among the populace to show humans that there is more to us than just abductions and rectal probing…” You’d never know it from my own experiences.
*Noter*


Suggestions:

*Checkr*
I’m sure this was just a typo. You wrote: …he notes. “I am !*@#&^$%, and he is &^$%#*@!. We come from the planet $^%!#@&.” I think the formal name of that planet is @%&#$*!.


Conclusion:
Entertaining and creative. I really enjoyed this story, and am thrilled to highlight it in the Unofficial Science Fiction newsletter.

Thanks for the great read. Nice job!
 *Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

EarlyHours

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50
50
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS"  [E]! Feel free to check us out and find out our purpose on Writing.Com.

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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, and only meant to be constructive. *Smile*

Overview:
*Noteb*A short story, or description, of first meetings and the realization of love.*Noteb*

Story/Plot:
*Noteg*The speaker, presumabley female, but could be male, describes the first time she meets a guy. She describes how she felt upon seeing him, but also projects what he might be feeling as well. And unexpectedly, it's pain. The author goes on to decide that the guy is heartbroken, and that her love for him will not only conquer this, but also last forever.*Noteg*


My Favorite Part:
*Noter*The description of the man is very well done: ...his voice, his expression, his cute smile, his red hair, his laughter, his beautiful blue eyes... This gives the reader a very good idea of his appearance, and a glimpse into who he is and how he feels.*Noter*


Suggestions:

*Checkr*
Please take these suggestions as my opinion only:

When I looked up he was gone he seemed so sad. This sounds just a bit awkward. Did he go, and then seem sad? Did he seem sad, and then go? Maybe something like this: He seemed so sad, and when I looked up, he was gone. Or, When I looked up he was gone; he had seemed so sad.

I wonder why he seemed so sad. And also, I wanted him to know that I love him very much. These sentences have mixed tenses, past tense and present tense together. There are a few examples of this in the story. I think it's usually best to adhere to one or another.

Then he came back and looked into his eyes knowing how much he cared and knowing he felt the same about me. Did you mean, Then he came back and I looked into his eyes...? After all, he can't look into his own eyes *Smile*
*Checkr*


Conclusion:
Thank you for posting this interesting story/love account. It was a pleasure to read.
 *Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Nice job, and welcome to WDC!

EarlyHours

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