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Review Requests: OFF
1,038 Public Reviews Given
1,623 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a very straight forward reviewing style. I will tell you what I liked about the story and what I didn't. I will point out any errors that I noted as I read, but editing is not a strength of mine.
Favorite Genres
Erotica, dark drama
I will not review...
Poetry, non-fiction, Vore, Shrinking fiction, Gore or straight Horror
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
51
51
Review of The Poet Tree  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Such a poignant and beautiful story. I loved your take on the photo prompt and the lovely poetic words of Sarah's father and then Sarah. Very well done!


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Not a one!


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I can't think of a thing I would change. I hope if this piece grows into something longer you will let me know so I can continue this journey with Sarah. *Heart*


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
52
52
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello davidvanhorne ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

How is it that we can be so blind. I liked the bit about her wanting to find someone just like him ... and yet there he stands and is spurned.

The description of the shovel was eerie. Good job!


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None were noted


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I would've liked to have seen the story longer, build the suspense.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
53
53
Review of The Tree  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

What a different take on the photo prompt! I love how everyone sees something different!

I liked the style here, making his thoughts distracted and confused. Nice job!


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

No errors noted.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

The opening sentences were confusing ... cold then hot. You might look at tweaking the opening because I found it difficult to get into. Once I DID it was a great story, but it would be a shame if some closed out of it and didn't continue.

Good luck!


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
54
54
Review of The Way Forward  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

What a poignant and beautiful tale! You had me holding my breath and my heart in my throat as she bobbed down the river and then tears rolled down my cheeks as they clung together. Wow, I'm still breathless. You have such an incredible gift and knowing just a little of your life, I would love to know what parts of this amazing story stem from personal experience. What ever it is, thank you for sharing with the passion and emotion that you bring to the written word. *Heart*


Any errors noted:

Not a single one that I spotted through the tears.


Any suggestions for Improvement:

Hmm ... as if improvement is possible. Ummm a continuance or sequel is the only thing I can suggest. I'm sure the simple passion of the proposal was breathtaking in it's own right.

Thanks for sharing your gift and write on!


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
55
55
Review of The Game  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I'm so glad I found this story in the NL. What a fabulous read. I love the way you captured the innocent play of children and the fact that used to their game or not, Uncle Terry took them seriously when the time came. Your added background at the bottom made the tears prickling flow. Awesome tale.

~ Mara
56
56
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Beth is a mama! !

No errors were noted in the reading of your Dear Me Letter.

I love the brisk, no nonsense tone of this letter. It is the proverbial kick in the behind that most of us need in order to make any changes in our lives, let alone stick to them. Congratulations on the new baby and I wish you all the best in 2011. Good luck in the contest and life! *Shamrock*

~ Mara

57
57
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It is so wonderful to have you back on WDC. *Heart* I can't tell you how you were missed and what a wonderful return it is! Congrats on Faithful Servant hitting print at last and a huge congratulations on joining us in the Literary Foray Anthology today! I couldn't be in better company. *Heart* I am sure this new folder will soon grow by leaps and bounds!

Love,

Mara *Shamrock*
58
58
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was such a unique and fun way to fulfil the Dear Me prompt! It was entertaining as well as informative. I didn't note any errors in reading this piece and frankly wouldn't change a thing! I can't comment on the 3rd of your goals, however I know that you have truly fulfilled the first two. You are a true blessing to our community. *Heart*

~ Mara
59
59
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Shayla and welcome to WDC!

I will preface this review with the warning that I am not a poet and I am next to clueless as to the forms and rules. What I do know, is what moves me. You have strung your words together here in a way that brings vivid pictures to my minds eye and stirs my heart with memories. Simply beautiful.

I look forward to reading more of your work and wish you the happiest of holidays! *Heart*

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A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
60
60
Review of Triple Danger  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Thank you for entering The "Erotic Tales of Pleasure & Pain~closed! "  contest! *Heart*


My Thoughts/Impressions:

My first impression was ... where is the erotica? *Confused* Glancing up at the genre I noted that horror was in the primary position. Mixing genres can be tricky and I really think in this case the erotic content fell a bit flat. All pain, no pleasure.

The story itself had a good premise and I hope you took advantage of the haunting season and shopped this piece out to the glut of seasonal contests.


Any errors noted:

No errors noted when reading this tale.


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I would like to see better flow between scenes. The visual breaks help with confusion but it is still a little jolting to the reader.


Did the story fit the contest?:

In my opinion this story was not erotic, but thank you for the festive read!


Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
61
61
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love the simple love and friendship of this story. You made me feel as if I were curled up on the hearth sipping hot chocolate with friends with the playful banter and easy relationships. Penny and Willow could be so many of us. I think this will connect for a lot of readers. Roland's respect for Willow and the desperation of their situation shines through and i was so thrilled when she was able to set his mind at ease. *giggles* The fact that the jug is intended as protection for a witch ... weeelll I agreed that part was best left unsaid to the new father, but Paisley could be an interesting one to revisit and I hope that she spends many a summer day sitting on the tire swing in Willow's herb garden.

Beautiful story. Intriguing use of the prompt! And best of luck, my dear friend. *Shamrock*

~ Mara
62
62
Review of U.A. Flight 93  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a moving piece. I sat and cried while I read, my heart heavy with loss and full of pride at their bravery. The human spirit is truly an amazing thing. You do them very proud with the emotion of your words. I have a dear friend that was supposed to have been on Flight 11 that day. Why God changed Bruce's plans I don't know, but one of his friends and co-workers perished. It will forever be for me a day of sadness and yet awe at how people can pull together in the worst of times to shine. *Heart*

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A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
63
63
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Nicki darling! *Heart*

I have heard a lot about speculative fiction of late and had to do a bit of research to find out what it is all about. Come to find out, I have read tons of it in my life time, but haven't written any since my Star Trek fan-fiction days. (before I even knew what fan-fiction was!) *Laugh* Truth be told ... the idea of writing it now scares the bejeebers out of me! So I respect you greatly for your bravery in stepping outside your normal comfort zone and attacking a new frontier with such zeal and skill!

The overall theme of man vs mother nature was common enough that each of us could relate in one way or another. Who hasn't lamented a time or two over dandelions, crabgrass, or Kudzu disturbing the perfection of our lawns? LOL The fact that Jacob practiced the art of Bonsai only made this battle more epic! Super detail! This added greatly to both Jacob's frustration levels and to the feel your reader got for the character.

The ending with Jacob more worried for his precious bonsai ... his mutants to mother nature ... was absolute perfection! You know what they say about Mother Nature ... she's a real B*tch! *Laugh* Her revenge was sweet!

Fabulous story! Thank you so much for sharing your creative talents with us and good luck in the Gauntlet! *Shamrock*

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64
64
Review of Hunter  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I loved the description that you gave the vampire's appearance. You didn't give them the basic pale skin, dark hair, red lips or even just assume that we all knew what vampires looked like. The ending was good. "Hunter is easier for you." *Smile* That was a great line and adds to the mystery. I hope that you will continue this one!

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65
65
Review of It was Tuesday  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fabulously moving tale. You have such a gift for allowing your reader to see people and places so clearly. I loved the scene where she tries to balance the bowl on her head and could see it all so clearly. The camaraderie that followed and the way it helped sell the oranges were touching. Incredible tale and such a fine example of the stories one can share from their travels and adventures.

~ Mara
66
66
Review of Jeffrey's Gift  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is such a beautiful story, a poignant reminder and lesson to us all of what is really important in life. Your little professor is a smart one with a heart of gold. I hope that he passes these wonderful traits onto his own little one. Congratulations on all you and your network of Angels have over come and God bless. *Heart*

~ Mara
67
67
Review of Dearly Beloved  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

You brought tears to my eyes with this one. You captured the love between Ed and his Rosie so well.

I loved the way you wove the Raven through the story. This was very well done. I have seen this technique overwhelm stories, but you handled it artfully really adding to the feel of the story.

Another thing that really grabbed me with this one was your gift for making the reader FEEL Ed's age, creaking bones and pain.


Any errors noted:

Not a one noticed! *Bigsmile*


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I wouldn't change a thing. Write on!


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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68
68
Review of Legacy  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

MOST unfortunate that you had to withdraw this fabulous story from competition, but it is a real winner in my book.

I LOVED the message your tale drilled home and the way you stayed true to human nature with the son's initial reaction to the gifted book. Excellent job of capturing youth at their most annoying and giving only a smirk. *Smirk*

Seriously this is a great coming of age story and like the fables of old ... a lesson wrapped in entertainment. Well done.

Any errors noted:

Not a single one ... and I was looking! *Laugh*


Any suggestions for Improvement:

Write on my friend. You are truly talented! *Heart*


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
69
69
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Your letter was thoughtful, moving, and humorous all at once. I LOVE the way you laid it out! Your thoughts and goals are ones that everyone has or should have. This letter will be read by people and serve as much more than a reminder of your personal goals.

Good luck in the contest and in 2010. You know you are always in my heart. *Heart*

~ Mara
70
70
Review of DEAR ME  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a wonderfully moving letter to yourself and the reminder of the number of people that count on you will surely help motivate you as you work through your grief in the year to come and beyond.

Your choice of songs made me smile. When I have had a particularly bad day I turn to either Bon Jovi or their soulful guitar god Richie Sambora for a pick me up. Nothing can put a smile on my face faster than cranking up the tunes in the Jeep and letting the days worries roll off. *Bigsmile*

Good luck in 2010 and know that as much as your WDC family depends on you ... we are also here for you. *Heart*

~ Mara
71
71
Review of Dear Me...  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Absolutely incredible. I have been impressed by several of the Dear Me letters that I have read but if I was judging I would be hard pressed to decide first between this one and Shannon 's. WOW Both are absolutely incredible.

I love the lay out of your letter and the way you set a daily time aside for writing AND give a goal for the year. Great organizational skills are shown here and if you are that "together" in your writing with the excerpt you shared ... I will be visiting you at Barnes and Noble in no time!

Good luck in the contest and with the novel! *Heart*

~ Mara
72
72
Review of A little too late  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Ellbaies and welcome to WDC! If you haven't already I encourage you to check out "The WDC Angel Army" . Congrats on winning "The Angel Outreach Program" 's Angel Newbie Drawing! As part of that drawing you will get three reviews from three different Angels. *Bigsmile*


My Thoughts/Impressions:

I loved the way the story took me back to simple pleasures of my childhood. Of course I am the one that played in a McDonald's Playland one night coming home from a Hockey game. Believe it or not ...I was sober. *Wink* The point is that I think a lot of adults lose that love of play and it makes us old before our time.


Any errors noted and/or suggestions:

The sand passed between my toes, warm ((and)) inviting as I ran to the ladder. In fall, the pleasure was doubled by the think ((thick)) blanket of leaves were ((which)) I would engulf ((myself)) in between turn((s)).

What’s some laundry concern compare ((compared)) to that?

Growing up, even, just made me more daredevil. Why not try it headfirst, ((or)) climb it, standing up with my arms in the air.((?))

Will you ((ever tire)) never tired up of that mindless game!((?)) Said my mom.

It was oddly place((ed)) near a tree trunk

why they haven’t just moved move the slide away from the tree before my accident,

Since then, I slide only in my dream((s)).

In Closing :

I enjoyed the passion in this story. The ending was a nice twist, unexpected, and shocking. Good story that correcting a few technical errors will greatly improve. WDC and the reviews here have been very beneficial to me in that way, improving my writing greatly.

Good Luck!


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A Supporter Signature for The Angel Outreach
73
73
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello fyn ! I am reviewing your poem today as part of "a very Wodehouse challenge" . *Bigsmile*

Your words created a wonderful visual as I read the poem. I enjoyed the voyeur's peek in on the intimate night of a loving couple. The addition of dog and the footprint tattoo was a realistic touch.

Good luck!

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74
74
Review of Stillwater Avenue  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Edword and welcome to WDC!

I enjoyed this short story. I am not only a big hockey fan but it also brought back memories of all the childhood games in our neighborhood. We didn't play hockey but we had a large back lot that hosted football, baseball, basketball and a multitude of different types of tag every night.

A couple suggestions would be to space the story out a little bit. It is a bit more difficult to read on-line for a lot of people and they appreciate having the spacing more pronounced. And watch how many names you toss out in a short story as it can get very confusing for a reader.

Write on!

~ Mara

A Supporter Signature for The Angel Outreach

75
75
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey ya kiyasama!

I just wanted to drop you a quick note to you to tell you how nice the newly upgraded page looks. I love the new page breaks you have created and the new images are adorable! Thank you for all you do to keep the Angel Army rolling! *Heart*

~ Mara
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