Shame on you Winchester Jones. How could you suggest that dogs are more noble than cats?
This piece is well done. You don't give anything away until the last line. However there is one question that needs answering. What happened to the boy?
Hello Eeevil, Who send the lightning bolt, Orikon or Iznik? Even though I knew this was a short piece of flash fiction, the first paragraph felt like the set up for an epic tale. The abrupt ending is very amusing. I'll be back to your port to read more.
Keep writing, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
What a wonderful story. It's a great way to help a child understand one of life's hardest questions. Like your writing style.
I have only one suggestion. The second sentence in the second paragraph -- You should start with Cindy and not repeat Mama knew. Cindy wanted to know why her best friend had died.
Hello Backlit Saturn, and welcome to WDC. After reading this, I have to ask, where are you? Are you in the US or another country? How old are you? Have you been to Iraq or are you writing from things you've learned from other sources?
Your poem makes many valid and thought proving comparisons. I'll visit your port soon to read more of your work. Please visit mine when you get a chance.
*bigsnile*Hello Brit-Girl, welcome to WDC. I hope you have as much fun here as I do. I like this poem. The read can feel the 'speaker's' grief at be left behind. There sadness when one is separated from a loved one, no matter what the reason.
I'll be to your port soon to read some more of your work. Please visit my port when you get a chance.
Hello Demi, and welcome to WDC. This poem is iteresting. The reader can feeling the anger of the poem's 'speaker' and the deserate struggle to be free. It left me feeling bad for the 'speaker' and hoping you are not the one experiencing this.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Please visit my port when you get a chance. I write both ppoems and stories.
Hello Saint, I suppose it's the storyteller in me, but I love poems that tell stories. This one, though humorous, is sad. As it tells of a fellow who never makes any effort and then blames God for the condition of his life. What a lesson for us all!
That said I have a few suggestions:
1. for the 2nd line -- Who sits alone and always asking "why?"
2. Put a comma at the end of the 3rd line
3. The 6th line -- The kind that makes your stomach
curl.
4. The 13th line -- So with a kick and a sigh, he stared at the sky,
5. The 14th line -- Hoping a star would pass him by,
Remember now these are only suggestions. this is your poem and it's your voice that you must make heard. I'll come to your port soon to read some more of your work. Please visit mine when you get a chance. I write both poems and stories.
Hello Amarok, this leaves me wondering so many things. (Flash fiction can do that to you.) Just what did the puppy do to make such a big mess? Why did the teacher allow the puppy in the classroom? Where were the other children? *simle* You've got a fine piece of flash fiction here, but you could also flesh it out intop a much longer story.
I'm going to visit you port soon to see what else you have. Please visit mine when you get a chance.
{e;bigsmile}Hello W. D., You paint eerie picture with this poem. What flesh are the dogs dining on? Did they make the kill or find the body? It's got me thinking of a possible story. I'll have to see what I can do with the idea.
Hello Dorianne. I love this poem. Do you teach in a school for only deaf children or is it a special class in a regular school.
I see only one very small error. The word 'hands' is plural so But my hands still continue its story. should read But my hands still continue their story.
I'll be back soon,
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Hello Dorrianne, This is a good poll, I'm surprised no one has noticed it before now. It seems that all the channels are using these adds now. I guess they want to save the time during commercial breaks and between shows for paying advertisers.
Hello petra pansky, I'm busy visiting the port of some of my fellow players at "Invalid Item"
I loved this story. The scary part is it could happen. The one thing I'd like to know is: If it's in the the water supply, how your main characters avoid being infected? Just a thought, in case you ever want to expand this into something longer.
Hello M.D. Dacosta, pop4star sent me a link to her poem, "Invalid Item" , which included a link to this poem. Since she says that your poem inspired hers, I felt I had to read your before reviewing hers.
Your poem is beautiful and so filled with love it's a pleasure to read. I wouldn't change a word or line. Keep writing, I'll be back to your port soon to read more of your work.
Hello Cypress, Your fourth grade teacher had no imagination or heart. Being chased by a bear may very well give a cow the incentive to climb a tree. I would have asked you to continue your story and tell me what happened to the amazing tree-climbing cow.
Keep writing.I look forward to reading some more of your work.
Hello Houdini, I'm visiting everyone who entered my contest, "Invalid Item" and giving each one a review. there have been so many entries it going to take some time.
This puzzle was a nice little break. Thank you. It was harder than I thought it would be.
Hello RoseS-July17_11:11, I'm visitiing everyone who entered my contest and giving each one a review.
I love this poem and the way you play with the words. As writers we work with words and we make them say what we want them to say. I will definitely be back to read some more and recommend your port to others.
Hello Alfred Booth, I thought I'd stop by to say hello and find something to read.
This poem is awesome. Is it based on a true experience or just an amazing imagination. I love poems that tell a story, and I'm glad this one had a happy ending.
Hello emerin, I giving everyone who enters my contest, "Invalid Item" , a review.
I like this poem not only for what it says but also the way it's presented. The line breaks as well as the words make this poem move along. Thank you for sharing it.
Hello Robert, Everyone who enters my contest, {item:1262073, gets a review.
I like this idea. Maybe they could also bug every home so the santa would have an actual record of every child behavior. "he sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake. He know if you've bad or good..." Big Santa is watching.
Hello Kataro, I'm an Asimov fan, and love this. It's a wonderful story and it carries with it so many posssibilities. You could write a series of stories telling how the robots slowly evolve and create their own civilization. If they can use logic to bend laws, they can learn to create laws.
I found only two errors.
1. ...and bond his hands behind him...should read ...and bound his hands behind him...
2....now they were none left... should read ...now there were none left...
Oh, duskiestar, you are a kindred spirit. I love this story. Of course, we both know it's not over. Mrs. Stevens is going to call the police and Kit will have some explaining to do.
I'm looking forward to reading more of your work and will be back soon.
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Hello NegaScout, I love poems that tell stories. Now, I'm the first to admit that I have a lot to learn about poetry, but I enjoyed this one. I gave it five stars because I think it is perfect the way it is. Thank you for sharing it.
I'll be back soon to read your stories.
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Hello Brenpoet, This is lovely I hope you have a framed copy for her to hang in her room. I'm sure it would be a treasured keepsake.
The one thing I'd like to know is: If it's in the the water supply, how your main characters avoid being infected? Just a thought, in case you ever want to expand this into something longer.