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1,849 Public Reviews Given
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I give honest and friendly reviews. I try to be as helpful as I can.
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short stories, poems, activities, images
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Public Reviews
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Review of God is good  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is one person's expression of love for God.

THOUGHTS: Hi, Becky, and welcome to WDC. I hope you'll have lots of fun here on our wonderful site.

I could feel the strength and the confidence which you expressed in your sweet poem. Nice work in spreading the love. *Smile*

FAVORITE PART: I liked how you repeated, 'God is good', here and there in your nice poem. I thought it stressed the fact.

I also liked how you presented this poem in single lines, and how you left space in between. It gave you nice poem an airy feel, and made it pleasurable to read.

SUGGESTIONS: Ooops! You need to capitalize 'God' in your brief description.

You have awesome thoughts in your amazing poem. I did come across just a few tiny little things which you might consider changing...

Here you wrote: "Good is kind,/Good is love,/God is peace of mind," I'm sure you meant to write 'God' in the first two lines, rather than 'good'.

In this line, you have: "God loves us unconditional" I would suggest changing 'unconditional' to 'unconditionally'.

In this one, you wrote: "It like mountains on high" I would change the word, it, to the word, it's.

...And also in this similar case: "He never stop loving us," Stop, could be changed to stop's.

Nice work with putting these great thoughts together! *Angel*

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Review of Mousie  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a cute poem, which a little mouse befriends a person. The two carry out plans and schemes together.

THOUGHTS: LOL What a funny poem! You wrote a cute one here! Many people have had a pet mouse, but the narrator of this poem came across his pet in a very unique way.

I laughed at how, in the end, the two became diabolical partners in revengeful justice!

FAVORITE PART: I loved the sweetness of your story poem. Here, we have a person who had been pestered by a stubborn mouse. After a long while, it seemed the two found a way of living together. In fact, the narrator decided to put the little mouse to work! *Laugh*

You had some really great and creative ideas in your poem for the mouse.

I loved the rhyme of your poem. It added to the fun experience of reading it. It was so 'Dr. Seuss'! Nice work in putting this one together.

My favorite part was here: "I taught her all about it/She liked cheese in a can./I wasn't being thoughtful;/Instead, I hatched a plan." I remembered that cheese in a can! I haven't seen that in years. I'll certainly think of you and your poem the next time that I come across that!

SUGGESTIONS: I think I enjoyed this poem just the way it was. I wouldn't change anything, really. ..But, why not spice it up with a bit of color, centering, and maybe an image or emotionicon? You might, for example, add something like this: *Carg*

** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


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178
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an inspirational poem about the way a person felt after seeing the sunshine.

THOUGHTS: Hi and welcome to WDC! I hope you'll have a lot of fun here!

I enjoyed your poem about the sun. Sun can, indeed, be a great medicine!

FAVORITE PART:I loved the descriptions you wrote in this sun shiny poem. It really made me imagine the scene, where the sun was pouring in through the windows.

I thought you did a nice job with the flow of the story behind the poem. The narrator began by speaking about the sun. He then went on to mention thoughts that the person was having, and then spoke about how the sun brought about great feelings.

Your poem looked airy and easy to read. I liked the fact that you used centering and color to enhance the look. Great job!

SUGGESTIONS: I felt that your lines about picking fights and hate seemed very random and out of place in your poem. You wrote, "I wondered how I was hesitant to pick fights." I had the impression that this poem made the narrator feel good. The tone seemed upbeat and inspirational. How is it that he was thinking about picking fights. Perhaps it might read better to add one more line about how he felt that way before the sun came through the window.

I found it very difficult to see your yellow font. While I love the way you added color here and there, I really don't think the yellow works well in your poem.

I would suggest that you also make those yellow words in bold or a larger size. Or, you might simply make them in orange.

I would also add in a few emotionicons, such as a {e:sun} *Sun* or two. You could also use *Rainbowl**Rainbowr*. *Smile*

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179
Review of No! No! Elmer!  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a sweet tribute to a beloved pet cat named Elmer.

THOUGHTS: Aw, the punchline at the end was so sad!! I could feel the love and adoration which you and your son felt for this cat. I was smiling through the whole tale. Then, at the end of your story, you said that you will miss him! I immediately became teary eyed. I suffered a few times from the loss of beloved pets. As one pet owner to another, I can understand the stabbing pain.

FAVORITE PART: My favorite part was when you reminisced about the time when Elmer had fun while rolling around in the mess of frozen peas, which had been scattered on the floor! You did a really nice job of describing the scene! I had no trouble at all in imagining what that was like! LOL It's funny how cats could have a million toys of their own, yet they can't resist playing with things like frozen peas or a declarative plant! My daughter has two cats. One of them loves her hair ties! She could never find them. One day, she moved her dresser to get something, and what did she discover? ...A huge pile of hidden hair ties! LOL

SUGGESTIONS: Do you have a picture of Elmer? It would top off the great tribute by showing your readers what he looked like. You might consider adding a photo at the bottom of your touching story.

One more tiny suggestion...I would stick in a comma here and there, as in this example: "Unlike humans he never lost his sense of fun."
Unlike humans, he never lost his sense of fun.

...And I would change the comma placement here, and there are two 'outs': "So I always had to watch out out because, he would pounce on my clean laundry."
So I always had to watch out, because he would pounce on my clean laundry.

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Review of The Sun Laughed  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a story which includes theories about life on other planets.

THOUGHTS:Hi, and welcome to Writing.com! I hope you'll have lots of fun here! *Smile*

I really enjoyed your story. It gave intriguing ideas about how life could exist on other worlds, and how the people of Earth might be looking for it in the wrong places.

FAVORITE PART: I loved your opening of this story! This is my favorite line: "It laughed at all of the little people buzzing around through their little counties in their little homes on their little planet." That's a pretty good, 'hook', and it made me smile just to read it! *Bigsmile*

I also liked how you brought good closure to your story by making it end in a similar way to how it began. Nice work! *Smile*

I thought it was really creative of you to suggest the 'Hanalaadar', and other people...As you did here: They missed the planet only two solar systems away that held a people called the Hanalaadar who lived purely on the radiation from their sun... Without the genres listed, I had no idea what your story was about. I thought that maybe it was a comedy. I was pleasantly surprised to read the sci fi twist to your story.

SUGGESTIONS:Your great story would be presented better if you divided up the sentences into different paragraphs. Right now, it looks like on large block. I would suggest separating the paragraphs which you might make, to give an airy and reader friendly feeling to your story.

Right now, you have the genres listed as, 'other'. You've completed the story, so perhaps when you go back to polish it up, you might explore more of the editing options, such as the genres.

This sentence would read better with a comma after the word, sun. "Above the sun laughed."

I found a typo in this sentence: "It had seen hem spread and grown..." It should, of course, be: It had seen them spread and grown...

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181
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a story about one workers experiences at a haunted historical home.

THOUGHTS: What an amazing story you have here! Gosh, weren't you afraid to be alone in a haunted place? I would imagine it might be very scary...At least in the beginning...Though you seemed to have adjusted well enough to feel comfortable with taking pictures!

FAVORITE PART: I'm so glad that I came across your story! I felt that you wrote it in a very interesting way.

I was very impressed with the amount of intelligent facts which you included in your story. Gosh, Einstein was so remarkable. The theories which he came up with are still admired today.

I was also impressed with the theories which you came up with yourself. ...Your fifth dimension development seems as awesome as some of Einstein's very own! Maybe you might write more about it in another item sometime.

SUGGESTIONS: When you get an upgraded membership here, you'll have to edit in an image or two! I'd love to see some of the pictures you took, and I'm sure your other readers will as well!

I would suggest that you go back in and edit a little bit, to connect some of your sentences. A few look like this:

"For hundreds of years physicists have worked in the great shadow of Sir Isaac Newton. He gave us a three dimensional universe that was

machine-like and worked with a mathematical clock-like precision. Then came Einstein. He made it clear that there was another dimension that had to be factored into the cosmic mix. He preferred to call this dimension the Space/Time Continuum. Others just called it the

Fourth Dimension."

Sorry for the copy/paste, but I thought that the best way to explain it would be for you to see it.

I really loved your last line. It was a great way to end it. The punctuation is wrong, though: "May the force be with us,"

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182
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a supernatural story about teens who are only just finding out their good verses evil paths which will follow.

THOUGHTS:First of all, I'd like to say, Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you'll have lots of fun here!

I loved your story! I had read the James Patterson 'Angel Experiment' novels not too long ago. Your story had that same great good verses evil feel to it...With the teens unsure of what's going on with them. I hope you'll polish this one up, and continue writing. I think you have a great idea here!

FAVORITE PART: I liked the intrigue of your story, as well as the suspense of what was hinted at in the chapter.

I felt that this first chapter of yours will leave your readers interested in finding out what will happen next. I know that I wanted to find out more about these kids who just found out that some are labeled, 'Heaven', while others are labeled, 'Hell'.

SUGGESTIONS: While you did a good job of keeping track of the eleven kids...Giving them names and a small bit about them...I felt that your story was lacking more. We didn't get a glimpse as to why these kids were all assembled together. Did they live together in an orphanage, but were then adopted? Were they 'experiments' at a lab?

You have it said that they are all brother's and sister's, yet, they all seem to already have parents and families of their own. How did they learn about each other enough to knock on the one families door to all meet there? There seemed to be a lot of 'holes' in your story which you could very easily go back to fix. This will be a fantastic story with a tiny bit of editing work. *Smile*

Congratulations on your usage of WDC ML! Not too many new members attempt to use such ML as {size:3}, etc....You will have to, however, go back to edit it a bit. You left at least one link open. You will see that when you look at your item.

I'm not sure if you were trying to give the impression that your narrator speaks with lots of slang, but I found it odd that the entire chapter was like that. You might add in some narration about what is going on in the chapter, with better language.

Here are a few examples...

"I just didn’t know about anythin."

"As far as I know im fourteen and ive never knew this."

"It was raining loads more like chuckin it down..."

There are many more sentences which are missing things like, 'ing' at the end of words.

In this sentence you wrote: "I’ve came up here to get away from the noice..." You might change that to, "I came up here to get away from the noise.

I found a few of your sentences to be far too long. I would break some of them up into two or even three sentences.

Here is one example: "Then the adults came in and told us that we were all brothers and sisters, that there was another one of us (Jake), that 5 of us were born 9 months before the other 6 (and told us who was when) and told us that we are supernatural or sumthin cuz the older 5 were of the angels and the others were of the demons, they then stuck 10 pieces of paper on the door (all the same) and ran out of the room."

I'm not sure how you might want to break it up, but I would suggest something like this...

Then the adults came in and told us that we were all brothers and sisters, and that there was another one of us named Jake. They went on to say that five of us were born nine months before the other six. They gave us the names of those six, and told us that we are all supernatural, or some equivalent. Apparently, the older five were of the angels, and the others were of the demons. Mysteriously, the adults then stuck 10 similar pieces of paper on the door, and ran out of the room.

The last thing which I'd like to mention is your brief introduction. You have, "11 kids. 5 of the heavens. 6 of Hell. None of us knew until now. And EVERYTHINGS CHANGING!"

I think you might make that a bit nicer. How about something like, "There are eleven of us - Five teens of the Heavens, and Six teens of Hell." I think that might be enough to attract interest, yet not give so much of the story away. That's what the first introductory chapter would be for! *Smile*

Enjoy your story! You have a very creative idea!

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Review of Winter Crimson  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is part of your *Dropb* Hydro Package *Dropb* from "Invalid Item" .

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a small story, about a person's experience while enjoying a sunset on the beach.

THOUGHTS: What a beautiful story! It's about to rain here, so it was especially nice to be taken away for a while in your beach story. I liked how you ended it, with the narrator keeping the 'portrait' in her box of memories. Nice work!

FAVORITE PART: I like how you put the required contest words in color. It was easy to see, and I was impressed at how smoothly you incorporated them into the story.

You have a nice use of descriptions. The opening was especially pretty. My husband and I love to watch sunsets on the beach. The last time we saw that was from an outdoor dining table at a Mexican restaurant. You brought all of it back with your nice story setting.

I found the rest of your colorful descriptions just as pretty. I will think of you and your personal rainbow the next time when I'm on a beach! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read such a memorable story! *Smile*

SUGGESTIONS:Here are a few things which I thought you might like to consider polishing up...

I had no idea what this story was about. Your brief introduction should give a small hint. I would take out what you wrote about the contest there, and add that to the bottom of your story instead.

Also, all you have in 'genres' is 'contest entry'. I would choose two more to edit in.

Here you wrote, "The unusually cold air did not bother me as I sat upon the sand dunes." Why didn't the cold bother her? Is she a vampire? What was she wearing? I would change it to something like, The unusually cold air did not bother me through my comfy sweatshirt, as I sat upon the sand dunes.

I don't really like to read action coming before the thoughts, as in these examples...
"Scooping up a large handful of sand..."
or
"Wiping the sand away I knew then that..."

For the first example, I would change it to something like, I allowed a large handful of sand to slip playfully between my fingers, as I held it up to the enchanted sky.

That same sentence, by the way, is entirely too long. You have, "Scooping up a large handful of sand, I held it up to the sky staring as it slipped between my fingers, falling to the ground beneath or scattered by the wind, cast in the deep shadows and brilliant highlights of scarlet." Whatever you decide to do with it, I would let your beautiful words be enjoyed in two or three sentences instead of just the one.

Maybe you might write something like, I allowed a large handful of sand to slip playfully between my fingers, as I held it up to the enchanted sky. Most grains fell gracefully to the ground, with the discipline of their hourglass cousins. Others danced on the wind, creating deep shadows and highlights of scarlet.

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184
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
This review is part of your *Lightning* Lightning Package *Lightning* from "Invalid Item" !

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a true ghost story! ...And it's very chilling, indeed!

THOUGHTS: Oh, what a scary tale! It sounds like a place where 'Ghost Hunters' should be sent!

I was so impressed that you kept a friendship from the second grade long enough to celebrate a sixtieth birthday and then some! You must be a terrific person to be able to keep your friends around you for a lifetime. *Heart*

FAVORITE PART: I loved how you began this story with so much intrigue! I was hooked after reading, 'A true story'! LOL
The fun lines that followed, I do believe in spooks..., set the stage of how you would stay in good 'spirits' during the tale. *Wink*

I loved the way you told this story. I felt that it was easy to follow and fun to read. For example, your description of the children's quarters, which was set up to sleep sixteen kids, was done well. I didn't stumble at all with the understanding of it.

Adding phrases like, Are you with me so far? Good., made me feel as thought I were right across the table, drinking coffee with you!

SUGGESTIONS:Okay, Carol, you asked that we really try to rip into this piece! *Laugh*
I really didn't find much to fix...You have such an interesting and beautiful way of writing...But I'll mention a few tiny things that could be changed differently, should you desire...

In the first line, you told about the types of questions you had been asked. I think I would put those questions in either {i} {/i} or " " to make them stand out from the rest. ~~Did I believe in ghosts? Why or why not?

Here you wrote: "She never once come up those stairs, and she always closed the door at the bottom." I think it might read better as, 'came up...'.

I also thought that this sentence could be rewritten, "I was never given to nonsense."

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Review of Halloween Meeting  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of your *Dropb* Hydro Package *Dropb* from "Invalid Item" .

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a story about one girl's experiences with summoning a dead relative near the Somme River on the night of El Dia de los Muertos...The Day of the Dead.

THOUGHTS: I loved your story. When I began to read it, I immediately thought of the time I went to a fair in the town of Tepozlan. It was so much fun to see the many costumes, and the people all celebrating. My husband and I had gone there with a field trip while we were studying Spanish in Cuernavaca. I'm glad I clicked on your item, which allowed me to rekindle the memory!

FAVORITE PART: I loved your well-written story. I especially loved the humor you gave to the Red Baron. He humored the girl because he thought it was, 'better than the grave'. *Smile*

You did a great job with the sequence of the events in the story. The girl's distant relative and her hit it off right from the start, and they both looked forward to meeting like that every year. What a sweet and unique story! This was a creative idea, and I'm glad that I had a chance to read it. *Smile*

SUGGESTIONS: In your first paragraph, you wrote, "She's been fascinated with his life as a world war one legend..." I think this paragraph would sound better with one sentence before it, or a small change to that sentence, to give a hint as to who she hopes to meet. For example, she might write something like, "She been fascinated with the life of her Great Uncle as a world..."

We never learned the name of the girl! I think a great place to add that could be right in the very beginning. For example, here you wrote: "Tonight is my only chance she thinks... You might write, 'Tonight is my only chance, Jasmine thinks...' Giving a name, will eliminate so many of the word 'she' in your story. You would be able to alternate instead.

Here you wrote: "Dropping to her knees alittle..." 'Alittle' needs to be two words - 'a little'.

One more thought...I would totally change your brief introduction, now that the contest is over. It would be perfectly fine to include that line at the bottom of your story, but I think your potential readers might prefer to have a hint as to what your great story is about. Maybe you might instead write something like, A 'Day of the Dead' experience...

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Review of Bob the Bobber  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a children's story, written with the idea of a picture book in mind.

THOUGHTS: First of all, I'd like to say, WELCOME TO WRITING.COM!! *Delight*

What a fun idea to write a children's picture book. I enjoyed reading it, and I'm impressed that you made one. I've been meaning to put one together, but I never got around to it. Yours is simple and cute. I think any child would love it and maybe it could be their favorite book!

FAVORITE PART: I loved the way you began your story, and ended it the same way that it began.

We followed the adventures which Bob had when he decided to swim away from home. What interesting experiences you thought up for him to have!

This is a sweet story, and it had a happy ending. Nice work in putting this one together.

SUGGESTIONS: I noticed just a few typos and words which might sound a bit better. I think that if you fix this adorable story, it would give it the polish it really deserves.

Here are my suggestions...You wrote towards the beginning, "Fist saw Bob was sad and wanted to help." Of course you meant to write, 'Fish', instead of Fist. It might also read better to write, 'and he wanted to help'.

You are missing punctuation in some places. In this sentence, "This is the deep water" Fish told Bob., I would put a comma after water.

In this sentence, "Bob was smacked into the rock shoreline..." I think it might read better as, 'Bob was smacked into the rocky shoreline...'.

Here you wrote, "Fish saw that Bob was sad adn wanted to help." Just a little typo...'and'.

I was wondering why you wrote this for your dad? Perhaps since you already mentioned something about that, you might add another line with more explanation.

*Idea*Someday, if you get a paid membership here, you might enjoy adding images throughout your story. It would really pop with colorful pictures. There are many 'shops' on our site where you can get some with gift points.

In the meantime, you might add in some great emotionicons. I realize you're new here, but they really aren't too hard to do. Here are a few examples...

{e:beach} = *Beach*
{e:bird} = *Bird*
{e:duck} = *Duck*
{e:monster2} = *Monster2*
{e:monster3} = *Monster3*
{e:monster10} = *Monster10*
{e:boat2} = *Boat2*
{e:boat} = *Boat*

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Review of It's Too Late  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Books1* A longer item review for the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  May Raid *Books2*


FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a sort of detective type story with a Sci-Fi twist.

THOUGHTS: Great story here! I was glad I clicked on it because it was fun to read. I love these 'end of world' scenarios, and this one wasn't disappointing at all!

You must have done some research on black holes, because the tech talk made sense and gave your story a very smooth flow. You explained it all well, so I didn't have to stumble over any words in order to stop and think.

FAVORITE PART: I loved your opening hook. After reading your introductory first paragraph descriptions, I had a great understanding of the characters involved.

Your great descriptions to follow gave a realness to your story. I especially felt as though I could imagine what it was like to be in that room while the detective moved his papers aside and shut off the recorder. I liked that you took your time with the story, rather than rush it. *Thumbsup*

I thought you did a nice job with the 'tech talk' in your story. Your readers will understand how involved Kevin is with Black Holes and colliding protons.

I loved the way you ended this captivating story! It came right back to the title, and hit me like an explosion! ...Or, would that be like a black hole! *Bigsmile*
Nice work with this one!

SUGGESTIONS:You wrote in the paragraph where Osborn had been explaining the accusations, "And after what happened at the Crow’s Nest..." Your readers are only just getting to know this story, and it almost sounded confusingly as though it belonged in the part about the neighbors. (E rating, Jim?) I would make a slight change to something like, 'And then you went to The Crow's Nest'.

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
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Review of Lucy, Sweet Lucy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is part of your *Sun* Solar Package *Sun* from "Invalid Item" .

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a horror poem about a very bad (Dare I say, 'insane'?) little girl.

THOUGHTS:Oh what a chilling poem! You succeeded in giving your readers an intense glimpse of what goes on in the mind of this evil child named Lucy! Great work with your creativity.

FAVORITE PART: I liked how you made Lucy sound like a typical little girl, and you also added the ways of her darker side.

I enjoyed the great rhyme in your poem. I felt that it added to the fun and mischief of the evil child. Gosh, I think any mom would be speechless to discover their little girl with a knife and slicing off the hair on her tiny head!

I thought you added the right amount of stanzas to give your readers a good idea of what goes on with this girl. My favorite (and most horrifying) stanza is the last! You ended with a bold punch line, that Lucy plots revenge by thinking of ways to kill her sibling and her mother's pet birds!

SUGGESTIONS:I noticed that your rhyme seemed forced in a few places. Here is one example: You have, "Mother comes to say goodnight,/but Lucy does not answer./Clicking off the bedroom light,/"Brat!" her Mommy yells to her."
I think it would read more smoothly with a few very slight changes, such as, Mother comes to say goodnight,/But Lucy will not chat./Clicking off the bedroom light,/Her mother calls her, 'Brat'.

You added the mention of a horror movie in your brief introduction. I have never heard of this movie. Perhaps I'm not the only one who hasn't. It might not be a bad idea to add a very small idea of what the movie is about under your poem. It really doesn't need to be more than a couple of sentences, but I think it will help to give that movie an understanding.

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Review of Walk In The Rain  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is part of your *Sun* Solar Package *Sun* from "Invalid Item" !

FIRST IMPRESSION: Here we have a contest entry in the genre of 'horror'.

THOUGHTS: I loved the creativity which shined throughout your rainy poem.

FAVORITE PART: You had some really unique ideas in this story poem. The man seemed cheery and even a bit excited about taking a walk in the rain, and who would have ever expected that he'd end up getting hit by a train of all things! I love rhyming poems! You took care in rhyming well and in a uniformed way. Nice work with the rhyme and story plot.

SUGGESTIONS: Some of your poem didn't flow very smoothly. I would fix that in a few of the places. I think it could be done in a way which wouldn't hurt the thoughts or the rhyme.

Here is one example of what I am talking about...
You have: "There once was a man with an umbrella/He fancied a walk in the rain/He sure was an unlucky fellah/He fell in front of a train" It might read more smoothly to lengthen the last line, since the first line was so long. I would change it to something like: 'He slipped right in front of a train'.

I would have liked to know more about the contest. If it still exists, you might consider adding a link to it. Another idea might be to simply add something at the bottom, which mentions what the prompt was. I'm assuming that it was to write a horror piece about a person walking in the rain, but as a person who is not at all familiar with this contest or prompt, I could only guess.

All you have in your brief introduction, is the word count. This is something which should be added to the bottom inside of the item. A viewer might pass over your poem, because they have no idea of what's inside. I would suggest that you add a hint in the brief introduction, instead, which will give a taste of things yet to come. Be aware, though, that your item rating is 'E' right now. If you make any changes inside or out which makes this item inappropriate for young children, you might be better off upping that rating just a touch.

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Review of The Coin Box  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a touching story about how a book changed the life of a boy and his family.

THOUGHTS: What a very touching story! I did get teary eyed at the end. Children can be so sweet and they always seem to know the right thing to do. They know their families well, and therefore usually aren't too unfamiliar with things like occurrences and the feelings of loved ones.

FAVORITE PART: I guess the owner of book shops have the power to touch people's lives in many ways. I never thought of that before. I person might learn a new language or how to train their dog. Maybe a person might figure out which dog to get, or which car to get. Someone might also find guidance and counseling all from a book. This was the case in your great story. The boy knew just the type of book that could change his mother's life...And therefore, the lives of his whole family, including himself.

Books can bring about many joys. A child can improve their reading and develop the lifelong habits of enjoying a good book. The boy in your story knew just how important a good book could be.

It was really sweet that the ten year old boy used what was obviously his very own cherished money to buy the book for his mom. He had to break open the clay box. It was worth it to him, in exchange for his mother's happiness.

I really enjoyed that your story also had a very happy ending. It all worked out so well for the boy. So well, that he came back two years later to give the owner of the store the rest of the money from his coin box, along with a thank you note. The happiness he felt showed in his healthy look, too. This was a great way to add true closure to your story.

SUGGESTIONS:There was only one problem which I found with your story. One sentence at the end didn't seem like a complete sentence and it didn't read so well. Here it is: "Not the actual money value of that coin, but I knew that it was so valuable for that boy."

I would also suggest explaining a tiny bit more about why the owner wanted to thank the boy back...To let him know how much his story touched her heart, perhaps?

Great work. I really enjoyed this one. *Smile*

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Review of Louis and Jacqui  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a story of Louis XIII, the eleven your old boy who became king of France.

THOUGHTS:Happy Writing.com anniversary, Jace! I took a look through your port to find something to review in honor of your anniversary, and I was so happy to find this historic story. I thought it would be perfect to read while I was playing Game of Thrones here! *Bigsmile*

FAVORITE PART:You are a truly talented story writer! I was captivated from the beginning to the end. Your readers will learn a few historical facts, while being pleasantly entertained at the same time!

I really thought it was great that you ended with a line which complemented the beginning line. Very creative!

I also notice how you effortlessly slipped the quotation prompt in! It worked really well, and impressed me. I'm wondering how you did in the contest...

Do you speak French? You added lots of French words here and there throughout. Although I've been to France a few times, sadly, I never learned more than a few words. With that said, I was still able to follow your story with no interruption. You added those words in a way that all your readers would have no trouble understanding. I thought that was a nice touch which gave your story realness.

I felt for the poor boy right from the start. All of those trees, and he was never able to climb any of them. I could understand why he would want to sneak away to play in Jacqui's neighborhood. How sad that he loved being with her, yet he was forced to suddenly marry someone he didn't even know very well. Gosh, things weren't easy back then...Regardless of class!

I thought you did a great job with your descriptions. You kept my attention! I liked the descriptions of Louis riding his horse and hitting the tree the best.

The most touching part was when Jacqui cupped his face in her hands and they kissed for the first and last time. So sad! Nice work with this one! *Smile*


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a sweet poem of romance by a dear sweet WDC member.

THOUGHTS: Happy Account Anniversary, Sherri! I'm so glad you joined many years ago back in 2006. I can't ever imagine this site without you. You've done so much, and wrote so many well written stories and poems, like this one!

FAVORITE PART: Ah, I like romantic pieces when they're done well. I floated away for a few moments...Escaping all of the thoughts of the day...By your captivating and pleasant rhyme. I love poems which rhyme, and I have never been disappointed with any of yours!

This poem could easily have been a fun and memorable marriage vow. I loved how each stanza took me through the moments of the couple's time together. As your title states...It began with a kiss. I thought it was great how you came back to that at the end. It gave it a nice ending to how it began. *Smile*

I feel that you succeeded in displaying the experience of falling in love. The two win each other's hearts, and a ring enters the scene. They are happily engaged for two years of planning, and then walk down the aisle. ...A perfect love story in a beautiful poem!

My favorite line: "Two years later, our lives become harried,
as we make plans to get married". This is the sort of touching poem which makes people melt and get teary eyed from the sweetness of it all.

SUGGESTIONS: Where are the *Kiss* emotionicons! LOL
I would color up this piece and put in a few emos! ...Or one of the amazing images which you always find. The poem looks pretty, though, with the centering and uniform stanzas. *Smile*

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Review of Game of Thrones  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an excellent and fun activity with the purpose of bringing the entire community of Writing.Com together.

THOUGHTS:Great job with this amazing activity, Gaby. This is my second review today so far, and I'm not sure if you wanted daily reviews all grouped together in one post, or in separate posts, but I guess we'll all be 'getting the bugs out' today! *Laugh*

I've never seen an activity as vast as this one in all of my twelve years as a WDC member, so hat's off to you! You did something here which will be a memorable experience to all involved.

I want you to know that I am truly having fun! I hope you are too. You put lots of work into this, and you deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labors. *Heart*

FAVORITE PART: What I like the most, is the uniqueness of this activity. It's a game, which is really not that difficult to learn...Now that you put everything in place so well for everyone.

What a wonderful idea to use the various TV show Game of Thrones houses as the teams for our WDC members. With all of the many different WDC groups, those houses were a perfect choice.

The colorful images are a nice choice. Too bad not all of the people wanted to use the ones you started us off with, but I think they look beautiful on the forum heading in any event! *Bigsmile*

I do like the pull down menu of rules, etc. It's all there in one place, and it leaves the heading looking more spacious and airy. Seriously, you really did a lot of work with this. I wonder how long it took you to prepare all of this! *Shock*

The prizes are terrific. You know, as first when I had the idea to play this, I thought it would be awesome to win one of those prizes. My group always needs funds. Now, I'm thinking of that as a bonus to all the fun we're having! Myself, Lornda, and Eyestar always work together in unison to smoothly lead Power. We're sort of doing that now with the team. We sort of forced poor Lornda into sticking her name out there as the team captain, but of course Mona and myself are right there by her side every step of the way. We've always been close, but I feel that this activity will make us that much more bonded. ...And, we'll get to know the rest of our teammates, and the friends on the other teams, too.. Nice work in adding in the birthdays and anniversaries as well. I think Carmela must have been so surprised at that surprise this morning!!

Oh, and the merit badge you commissioned for this activity is so pretty!

Big (((HUGS)))!
~~Maryann



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Review of Review Please  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*



*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an article about regulations regarding weapon control.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS:Great job in analyzing what seems like a complex thesis! I really liked how you dissected and pointed out the important facts.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I thought you wrote this article well. You picked great points to tell about, and I loved how you spaced them throughout the paper.

I also felt that you did a nice job with the transition from your facts, to your personal opinions. It was a smooth change. I would suggest adding a bit more to your second to last paragraph. That one, to remind you, is the area where you expressed your own feelings about the article and it's subject matter. You might possibly expand your one paragraph into two or three by giving a few examples of your statements. For example, you mentioned something about how criminals could easily use household items as weapons. You could talk more about this, and you might recall incidents that you remember from the news.

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS:I would suggest substituting, 'Wilson', everywhere you have 'James'. James is a first name, and most articles use last names when speaking about an author.
I understand that you were mixing it up, as not to overuse the same name everywhere. I would suggest that you might be able to combine sentences in some places to help solve this problem. For example, here you have, "I also feel Wilson did a good job covering the counterarguments of this topic. James also used appropriate statistics, facts, and testimonies, which aided his argument." Why not change it to something like, "I also feel Wilson did a good job covering the counterarguments of this topic by using appropriate statistics, facts, and testimonies."

I noticed several places which could be improved in your article. I'll start from the top to point out a few of these places...

Here you wrote, "The reader can quickly understand his essay is bout gun rights and gun ownership." ...bout should be about.

Here..."James' thesis states banning illegal gun use..." You already mentioned his work in the sentence before, so I would change that to something like, "Wilson states that banning..."

In a similar issue, you mentioned the word, 'tone', in the sentence before. I would change, "His tone reflects on how seriously..." ...to something like, "He reflects..."
I won't point out all repeated words in your story, but when you go back to proofread, you might keep that in mind.

You have a simple title and brief into right now. When you change it, please also change your rating to something which is not E. The mention of guns and violence is not appropriate for all ages.

Here you wrote: James then continues to add if guns and ammo are restricted lawful citizens will not have a means to protect themselves. Is this a direct quote from the thesis? If it is, it should be in parenthesis.

This part didn't read right to me..."James then makes a statement of the position of others who agree with..." I think I would change that to something like, "Wilson then discusses the position of those in favor by offering this quote..."

I loved your last paragraph, but I would reword it a bit. You seemed to add, 'feel', in each sentence. I would also make your middle sentence be your last 'powerhouse' sentence to conclude your article. It would be changed to something like this..."I personally feel that in today's society most people are going to do what they want regardless of laws and the consequences of these actions. In my opinion, violence doesn't solve anything, and in many situations will only make the outcome worse. I believe, however, that our right to protect ourselves is very important and must be taken into consideration when gun laws are passed.

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


*Star*This review is part of your *Nuclear* Electric *Nuclear* package from "Invalid Item" .

*Exclaim* Interesting story. I always find historical fan fiction stories intriguing.

I thought it was a nice touch to withhold the name of the historical figure until the end. I didn't realize the historic facts in the origin of the nobel peace prize.

I think the 'hourglass' icons in between the time spans worked well. It made your story more comfortable to read.

I thought it was a good choice to show the dates. Your readers can see what has been going on through the decades.

I wasn't sure about the factory. I wondered if they had worked there, or if it was a family business.

You mentioned that this was a contest entry. I would have liked a small mention about what was required for the contest.

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Review of Sea Runner  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is the description of a sea creature, which was created for a contest.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Oh awesome ideas in this description, Snow! I could really picture these incredible creatures from your vivid imagery. I happened to run into your item, and I'm really glad that I did. It's filled with creative and fresh ideas, and it was the perfect piece for me to read to end my night!

You know, now that you have this contest entry done, you could probably turn this item into a campfire or an interactive. You already have the hard part done -- the description intro. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't notice any spelling errors.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I loved how you opened with the detailed descriptions of what the creatures looked like. I could clearly imagine them with humanoid bodies and aqua colored eyes.

You showed great imagination to have these creatures able to move freely between land and water. I also liked the fact that you covered every aspect of the creatures. You even mentioned that they are emotionally unstable and often enjoy displaying practical jokes.

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: I wouldn't change any of your ideas. I do have just a couple of small suggestions.

If the contest is still available, I would suggest adding a small link to it so that your readers will have an idea what was required of the item...Or, you might simply write something at the bottom.

I'm not sure if there had been a word count or other requirements for the contest, but now that it's over you might change or add a bit here and there.

For instance...I would definitely not start so many of the paragraphs with the words, 'sea runners'.

An example would be at the start of the second paragraph. You might change that to something like, "Some sailors thought they saw creatures running on the surface of the ocean, and so the term, sea runners, was born."


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Review of Travel Pictures  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi Jim! As I expected, you have some fantastic pictures in your photography collection! Gosh, you've been everywhere!!

Lots of the pictures you chose to put in this collection are really pretty. I love the clouds and sunsets. How were you able to take a picture of a bald eagle in a tree!

There's really such a thing as a Plymouth Rock?

...And you've been to Punxsutawney, PA! I'm so jealous! Were you there on Ground Hog Day?

You have some very unique shots. The Patriot Rock seems very pretty, as does the Boston Harbor.

You brought back memories to places which I've been to, like the John Lennon Memorial in NY, the Golden Gate Bridge, Mt. Rushmore, and Australia. Nice collection! I'm glad I stopped by to take a look. It was a real treat. *Smile*

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198
198
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi Stallion! I was looking for some polls for a fun change of pace during "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's Artsy review raid. I was glad to come across yours because it really brought back some great memories!

I always enjoyed the great music from those cartoons. Those easy jingles are going to be stuck in my head all day now that I'm thinking of them! LOL

In addition to the music, I also really enjoyed the Japanese style art involved in each one. Who could resist Speed Racer's sweet big eyes!

I wasn't surprised at all that the Ninja Turtles took first place so far in your poll! Turtle Power! *Bigsmile*

I see that you made this poll a long time ago. Gosh, it must be one of the very oldest on our great site! Now that we can make tiny images these days here, maybe you might think about adding an image of each one in your heading. Right now, the heading is really short. The images would give a blast of color and some new life to this fun poll. *Smile*

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* What a great idea for a story! I've read fan-fic of stories, but it was impressive that you wrote a story from a famous painting!

I'll have to admit that I wasn't familiar with the painting, but you really made me curious so I looked it up. What a fantastic work! It's so powerful. I can surely understand why it prompted you to write such a powerful story.

I loved the name you chose for your main character. It added to the classic feel of your words.

I felt for brave Ishigami, as he feared the terrifying god had awoken in the fierce rage of the sea.

There was one word which I didn't understand...'flotsam'. I would change it to a simpler word, rather than assume everyone will be familiar with it. The best stories captivate readers, rather than interrupt.

Also, I noticed that you do have an upgraded membership. Why not add an image of this beautiful painting? I would have made the font in your story a bold, blue color, and put the image right under it...You might even add a notation at the bottom about the history of the painting which prompted your story...Where is the painting now? Who painted it? When was it painted? Etc.

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Awesome story, and certainly an inspiration to anyone who ever wished to write poetry. *Delight*

I particularly enjoyed the topics which you integrated into your story, as well as the real life experiences you felt throughout the years toward poetry.

I had a few small suggestions which might really make your article shine...

At first glance, your writing looks like one big block. If you notice other WDC items, you'll see that people often leave space between their paragraphs. It gives more of an airy feel and makes items more reader friendly.

If this were my article, I would certainly give examples after each paragraph to further stress what it was about. For example, in the first paragraph, you expressed that you were sometimes in awe of poetry. It amazed you that someone could do that. Why not then add a couplet after that paragraph before you start your next one...

How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
~~Elizabeth Barrett Browning


That would add more understanding of your meaning, and spice up your article. ...Just a thought.

Another example would be in your paragraph where you mentioned Baudelaire’s “The Evil Glazier.” Why not give a tiny taste of the work? Not all of your readers would be familiar with his work.

Nice work with this inspirational article!


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